(no subject)
I feel as if im coming un-glued. Theres like 20 million things bothering me right now and i dont seem to be able to form any of them into reasonable thoughts. Help me please if there is a god. i give up!
One thing i have come to a conclusion in is that i cant go on lying to myself about the way i feel for james. At first i truly did think i loved him but now i realize that i was in love with the whole idea of loving him. im not ready to love somebody. i want to be free to do what i want to do. i mean i'll be 19 in less than a month and i still have a hell of alotta living to do b4 i decide to settle down like that. i dont think thats what i want anymore. i used to think it was, but now i see that i need to be open for any possibilities that come my way. Because right now i feel lke im doing wrong because im having fun and living my life. Im young and im gonna do what i feel is right for me. I cant keep telling him i feel the same way when i dont really feel that way. I cant keep doing this to myself and always have this nervous stomach and never really feel ok. im done. fuck that bullshit.
One thing i have come to a conclusion in is that i cant go on lying to myself about the way i feel for james. At first i truly did think i loved him but now i realize that i was in love with the whole idea of loving him. im not ready to love somebody. i want to be free to do what i want to do. i mean i'll be 19 in less than a month and i still have a hell of alotta living to do b4 i decide to settle down like that. i dont think thats what i want anymore. i used to think it was, but now i see that i need to be open for any possibilities that come my way. Because right now i feel lke im doing wrong because im having fun and living my life. Im young and im gonna do what i feel is right for me. I cant keep telling him i feel the same way when i dont really feel that way. I cant keep doing this to myself and always have this nervous stomach and never really feel ok. im done. fuck that bullshit.