You don't care anymore
Babysat all day today. blah. four kids. wide range of ages. oh boy. They all good kids tho so it isn't that back. just hard getting them all to agree. and wow. We baked today. One boy wanted cookies and the other three wanted muffins. cookie boy was the only one that knew his way around the kitchen so we have to bake both to keep everyone happy. what a hecktic mess lol oldest girl, Shelby, is pretty cool tho. She's 11 and acts pretty mature unless her lil bro is in the same room as her. they never stop bickering but girl is helpful and helped me with dishes when everyone else was running every which way. She yacks on her cell alot tho. She is 11 and this deffidently doesn't seem like her first cell. damn! I begged and pleaded for a cell cause I was tired of being ditched with no way of getting back as a freshmen. whatev. past is in the past.
Went straight to class after babysitting. boring. zzzz. put me to sleep. Seriously don't feel like working on my paper. For some reason the more dad gets on to me to do something the less I want to do it and the more I just want to piss him off. I gave up a long time ago trying to please him because no matter what, I can't. And even during that time when he approved of me, I was invisible to him. If I was the quiet obediante child then he "approved" of me but I was only acknowledge when it was convinent for him. But Konnor the young son that was constantly causing trouble got off easier than me and was the one that always played with dad. Wow such a jealous little girl I was. If dad is pissed off at me and hates me then he notices me. I rather not be loved than be invisible again. I actually enjoy it now, pissing him off even though it just makes my situation worse, I love making him mad and upset because I hate him just as much as he hates me.
This entry took a completely different direction than what I was intending lol oops. Yeah well Parents got home from their vacation today and were mad cause we didn't really clean up the house. Sorry I wouldn't give up the weekend I just had for anything. Happiest I've been in a long long LONG time. so Screw it. I got some stuff done while I didn't get other things done. You enjoyed your vacation together alone and I enjoyed my weekend so so what I didn't get all your chores done. It doesn't make me illresponsible. You enjoyed your time away and I enjoyed my break from you.
I am a bit upset that I can't really talk to them right now though. Mom probably would forgive me but with the ass of a dad I can't get within 5 feet of either of them. I wanted to ask about how their trip was and dispite everything I hope they did manage to have a fun and relaxing time. I'm also having some trouble with my left ankle still. It's starting to make me nervous. It didn't really hurt before and the burising and swelling have done done but it is really acheing now. I hope I didn't actually do something to it. I want to talk to dad about it because he's a doctor and all but he just couldn't give a shit about it right now. Things have gotten so bad now, he can barely stay in the same room with me and vis versa. ugh. So asking him about it is just out of the question so I just have to deal with it and hope that it will all just go away. Damn ankle.I was feeling really modivated about practicing my soccer after this camp too! but I can't because of my ankle. I don't doubt that I'd be able to handle the pain, I just don't want to risk making things worse without knowing what is wrong in the first place
Life is too complicated.
People react in different ways and have different reasons for their actions. Their true reasons are often hidden and others just jump to conclusions with closed ears to explanations. Or just simply don't/can not understand.
People are too complicated which makes life too complicated.
I need sleep
and
to simply forget all this crap
ignoring everything
will not solve anything
but
it is all I can do right now
night
Went straight to class after babysitting. boring. zzzz. put me to sleep. Seriously don't feel like working on my paper. For some reason the more dad gets on to me to do something the less I want to do it and the more I just want to piss him off. I gave up a long time ago trying to please him because no matter what, I can't. And even during that time when he approved of me, I was invisible to him. If I was the quiet obediante child then he "approved" of me but I was only acknowledge when it was convinent for him. But Konnor the young son that was constantly causing trouble got off easier than me and was the one that always played with dad. Wow such a jealous little girl I was. If dad is pissed off at me and hates me then he notices me. I rather not be loved than be invisible again. I actually enjoy it now, pissing him off even though it just makes my situation worse, I love making him mad and upset because I hate him just as much as he hates me.
This entry took a completely different direction than what I was intending lol oops. Yeah well Parents got home from their vacation today and were mad cause we didn't really clean up the house. Sorry I wouldn't give up the weekend I just had for anything. Happiest I've been in a long long LONG time. so Screw it. I got some stuff done while I didn't get other things done. You enjoyed your vacation together alone and I enjoyed my weekend so so what I didn't get all your chores done. It doesn't make me illresponsible. You enjoyed your time away and I enjoyed my break from you.
I am a bit upset that I can't really talk to them right now though. Mom probably would forgive me but with the ass of a dad I can't get within 5 feet of either of them. I wanted to ask about how their trip was and dispite everything I hope they did manage to have a fun and relaxing time. I'm also having some trouble with my left ankle still. It's starting to make me nervous. It didn't really hurt before and the burising and swelling have done done but it is really acheing now. I hope I didn't actually do something to it. I want to talk to dad about it because he's a doctor and all but he just couldn't give a shit about it right now. Things have gotten so bad now, he can barely stay in the same room with me and vis versa. ugh. So asking him about it is just out of the question so I just have to deal with it and hope that it will all just go away. Damn ankle.I was feeling really modivated about practicing my soccer after this camp too! but I can't because of my ankle. I don't doubt that I'd be able to handle the pain, I just don't want to risk making things worse without knowing what is wrong in the first place
Life is too complicated.
People react in different ways and have different reasons for their actions. Their true reasons are often hidden and others just jump to conclusions with closed ears to explanations. Or just simply don't/can not understand.
People are too complicated which makes life too complicated.
I need sleep
and
to simply forget all this crap
ignoring everything
will not solve anything
but
it is all I can do right now
night