i'll talk about this cause i am not allowed to write what i really think on the internet
so i am not at work or in bed which is pretty rare for me these days. this has been a weird time for me. i wake up in the morning, go to work, work all day, come home, cry, get in bed. wake up do it again. these are the effects of corporate america don't let them happen to you.
this lack of energy has not been beneficial to anything in my life and maybe part of me doesn't care and maybe a bigger part of me needs this so i can figure out what i actually want to be doing. the dilemma is, i need a job right now. i need to be employed. not even so much for the money as i might not want to find a job right away if i quit. i want to quit. i actually have not wanted something this badly since i was a little kid who really wanted the corn silk cabbage patch doll for christmas (which i got by the by and one year later cut off her hair.)
i am trying to be creative with applying to jobs, that way maybe someone interesting will hire me to do something more interesting and i will be content for a while until i decide i can't take it any longer. how much longer is a person expected to take this anyway?
while it could be argued that my situation is not nearly as bad as half the people in the world, i feel like some type of weird injustice has happened to me. even if abilify does take me back, i don't want them. they abandon me first and I'll be damned if they get the satisfaction of pulling me in every direction just cause they can. so, what have i been doing to counter my distaste for the corporate conundrum i find myself in? i have allowed the office space effect to take over. i don't give a shit. actually, i care less each day i am there. most days i stare at the wall, others i spend on the internet with my new, favorite, past time of reading about the lives of people i knew way back before i was so jaded. they all have these really weird xanga sites with names like "washedintheblood" and "prvbs8000" i think it is really interesting that although i am no longer a wacko for Jesus (although i do still love Jesus very much), the simple fact of them never having left NJ(or never traveling for anything other than a missions trip or to attend bible college) kept them that way . so, the question is would i have remained like them or was i just supposed to grow up? i may not be being fair to them as i don't speak with them i just kind of judge them in this really weird they don't even seem like people way. aside from mocking my past, i think about my future and count the seconds until i come home. where i have actually begun the search for a job or school or something other than THIS!!!
i just want to get off the topic of changing and change. if things don't change soon, i will be thirty and still trying to figure out what to do with my life.
this lack of energy has not been beneficial to anything in my life and maybe part of me doesn't care and maybe a bigger part of me needs this so i can figure out what i actually want to be doing. the dilemma is, i need a job right now. i need to be employed. not even so much for the money as i might not want to find a job right away if i quit. i want to quit. i actually have not wanted something this badly since i was a little kid who really wanted the corn silk cabbage patch doll for christmas (which i got by the by and one year later cut off her hair.)
i am trying to be creative with applying to jobs, that way maybe someone interesting will hire me to do something more interesting and i will be content for a while until i decide i can't take it any longer. how much longer is a person expected to take this anyway?
while it could be argued that my situation is not nearly as bad as half the people in the world, i feel like some type of weird injustice has happened to me. even if abilify does take me back, i don't want them. they abandon me first and I'll be damned if they get the satisfaction of pulling me in every direction just cause they can. so, what have i been doing to counter my distaste for the corporate conundrum i find myself in? i have allowed the office space effect to take over. i don't give a shit. actually, i care less each day i am there. most days i stare at the wall, others i spend on the internet with my new, favorite, past time of reading about the lives of people i knew way back before i was so jaded. they all have these really weird xanga sites with names like "washedintheblood" and "prvbs8000" i think it is really interesting that although i am no longer a wacko for Jesus (although i do still love Jesus very much), the simple fact of them never having left NJ(or never traveling for anything other than a missions trip or to attend bible college) kept them that way . so, the question is would i have remained like them or was i just supposed to grow up? i may not be being fair to them as i don't speak with them i just kind of judge them in this really weird they don't even seem like people way. aside from mocking my past, i think about my future and count the seconds until i come home. where i have actually begun the search for a job or school or something other than THIS!!!
i just want to get off the topic of changing and change. if things don't change soon, i will be thirty and still trying to figure out what to do with my life.