lucid dreaming (and i don't believe in math)
ok so yeah, it has been a while since i have been my real cray self but i have had to many crazy things happening in real life for me to make sense of the craze in my head.
not that i am crazy but occasionally i think everyone feels like they are. the world has a nice way of doing that to you. and by nice i mean, not nice at all.
so how about that transit strike huh? sounds like the beginning to a bad joke, and i dont think the strike is a joke. no these people should be taken seriously. i should be taken seriously. but are either of these things going to happen? doubtful.
when you take yourself seriously you just end up being an ass hole and you think you are merely being serious but i will be first in line to say "no, you are actually an ass hole, have a nice fucking day."
i feel like since i grew up in a household were swearing was used very rarely and always kind of funny when it was used, i feel liberated when i swear in everyday conversation because i feel like i have transcended my previously restricted vocabulary.
i like transcending. i mean who wouldnt like it? it is liberty, but for real. i mean when you are above everything you can really do whatever the hell you want. tranquility at last.
i have always thought of tranquility as being a waterfall, in a mysterious, untouched forest with fairies flying around the heads of deer sipping from the brook runny from the waterfall. i think i have seen to many commercials. i think i am still afraid of fairies.
i am afraid of fairies
i am afraid of watching any investigative journalism shows when i am home alone, unless the sun is out and/or i have all the lights on.
i am afraid of being in a car accident.
i am afraid of being nothing and something and the in between.
i am afraid to live.
but i gave up on that fear because i remembered that i can die anytime.
oh yeah, i am really afraid of dying.
right, you say, who isnt. well i have met a disturbing amount of people who are not afraid of it. most of them are conservative christians who seem so fearless but so afraid.
i have this idea that the moment i am ok with death will be the moment i loss my life. it's like some sick test to see how long i will hold out.
but i am not really holding on to anything. there is nothing to hold but there is the idea of something to hold so you keep moving towards that i think.
i dont know who the "you" actually is but i am sure people function like that.
i have a hard time functioning these days because i am messing with my sleep pattern on purpose in order to feel more energized. less sleep= more energy? at least to me.
sleeping less has given way to some weird dreams. one of which involved my wedding dress being black and me marrying everyone from my high school but they somehow all managed to be one person, who was somehow greg too.
so really all the craziness has to do with what we dream. without our dreams how would we know what we are really thinking? oh wait dreams are so hard to decipher that they drive us crazy when we keep trying to add meaning to them.
no really think about that.
not that i am crazy but occasionally i think everyone feels like they are. the world has a nice way of doing that to you. and by nice i mean, not nice at all.
so how about that transit strike huh? sounds like the beginning to a bad joke, and i dont think the strike is a joke. no these people should be taken seriously. i should be taken seriously. but are either of these things going to happen? doubtful.
when you take yourself seriously you just end up being an ass hole and you think you are merely being serious but i will be first in line to say "no, you are actually an ass hole, have a nice fucking day."
i feel like since i grew up in a household were swearing was used very rarely and always kind of funny when it was used, i feel liberated when i swear in everyday conversation because i feel like i have transcended my previously restricted vocabulary.
i like transcending. i mean who wouldnt like it? it is liberty, but for real. i mean when you are above everything you can really do whatever the hell you want. tranquility at last.
i have always thought of tranquility as being a waterfall, in a mysterious, untouched forest with fairies flying around the heads of deer sipping from the brook runny from the waterfall. i think i have seen to many commercials. i think i am still afraid of fairies.
i am afraid of fairies
i am afraid of watching any investigative journalism shows when i am home alone, unless the sun is out and/or i have all the lights on.
i am afraid of being in a car accident.
i am afraid of being nothing and something and the in between.
i am afraid to live.
but i gave up on that fear because i remembered that i can die anytime.
oh yeah, i am really afraid of dying.
right, you say, who isnt. well i have met a disturbing amount of people who are not afraid of it. most of them are conservative christians who seem so fearless but so afraid.
i have this idea that the moment i am ok with death will be the moment i loss my life. it's like some sick test to see how long i will hold out.
but i am not really holding on to anything. there is nothing to hold but there is the idea of something to hold so you keep moving towards that i think.
i dont know who the "you" actually is but i am sure people function like that.
i have a hard time functioning these days because i am messing with my sleep pattern on purpose in order to feel more energized. less sleep= more energy? at least to me.
sleeping less has given way to some weird dreams. one of which involved my wedding dress being black and me marrying everyone from my high school but they somehow all managed to be one person, who was somehow greg too.
so really all the craziness has to do with what we dream. without our dreams how would we know what we are really thinking? oh wait dreams are so hard to decipher that they drive us crazy when we keep trying to add meaning to them.
no really think about that.