so i guess thats it
so i got an email from bernard basically saying that he's done and while i understand why and i know that its best for him it makes me so sad that the one person who really believed in me gave up... i guess its time to wipe the lipstick off my mirror. "So go and do your thing, best of luck to you. If you ever comeback to new york, don't call me." i get what hes trying to say and if i take an objective view on all of this i can even laugh a little at his histrionic nature. right now the thing im focusing on the most is avoiding solipsism, when i think that way i do stupid shit. right now i really want to think that way so i can do stupid shit and not feel like shit. on another note last night at sundown laine played one of dorfman's songs and i started bawling... it made me so sad thinking what if i never see him again? what if i didnt mean enough to him for him to even remember me? then i started thinking the same about brian andgabe and kraus and cecily... i have 3ish people here still who i really love and i can think of maybe 4 at home who still love me. oy gavolt.