RUMORS OF MY DEATH HAVE BEEN GREATLY EXAGGERATED.
(…Matt.)
Um. Hi. And:
Wow. WOW. That’s just…where to even begin?
Ah, here it is! Charlotte Allen, you are a dumbfuck. And not because you’re a woman; sorry to bust your bubble, but I’m pretty sure that’s the least of your problems. But because anyone with the “Cream of Wheat” brain to put together an argument like that for publication in a national newspaper should at least have the first clue what she’s bitching about, and, Charlotte Allen, I really don’t think you do.
Because the thing is, I don’t necessarily disagree with your specifics. Women having fainting fits over Obama is silly. Grey’s Anatomy is certainly unrealistic. Eat, Pray, Love sounds like sparkly, fluffy, New Age bullshit, absolutely, but not because it was written by a woman-because it was written by a dumbass. It’s not your examples that I’m taking issue with here-it’s the attribution of them to some kind of fatal flaw in the female brain. I’m not going to argue that women can’t be retarded, because God knows we can; I’m just saying it has less to do with having a twat and more to do with being human beings. Which, all right, you sort of gesture at here:
“And obviously men do dumb things, too, although my husband has perfectly good explanations for why he eats standing up at the stove (when I’m not around) or pulls down all the blinds so the house looks like a cave (also when I'm not around): It has to do with the aggressive male nature and an instinctive fear of danger from other aggressive men. When men do dumb things, though, they tend to be catastrophically dumb, such as blowing the paycheck on booze or much, much worse (think ‘postal’).”
…Except not really, because you seem to draw some kind of bizarre distinction between the stupid shit men do and the stupid shit women do. I don’t know what rock you’ve been living under, or why you only seem to know teenyboppers, Jean Teasdales, and June Cleavers, but I’ve got news for you, sugar: it’s the exact same stupid shit. I know it sounds like a backhanded argument for gender equality (“Hey, y’all, girls can fuck up every bit as badly as guys can!”), but it’s true-girls don’t make assholes of themselves because they have, on average, worse spatial skills than men (and seriously, how is that relevant?); girls make assholes of themselves because they’re people, and people are often irrational and short-sighted and mean-spirited and a whole bunch of other bad stuff that has nothing to do with the type of genitalia they sport. Welcome to Earth, enjoy your stay.
But of course, this isn’t the crux of your argument, because you had to go and project all your grody self-loathing onto the problem and turn it into some kind of “bitches is dumb” manifesto, thereby proving that really, the only dumb bitch in the room is you. Look, I get that certain aspects of popular “female” culture are empty-headed and off-putting, but nobody is requiring you to participate in them. I don’t like Celine Dion either, but well, I just don’t buy her albums. I don’t go around proclaiming that because some women like her, all women are inherently inferior. It’s called a sweeping generalization, and it means you lose, so stop getting your own crappy gender issues all over me, because if you honestly believe that women can’t contribute to a meaningful dialogue about the future of our country because we’re all simpletons who can’t drive ourselves to the polls anyway, then I strongly urge you to take your own advice, mind your knitting, and shut the fuck up.
Um. Hi. And:
Wow. WOW. That’s just…where to even begin?
Ah, here it is! Charlotte Allen, you are a dumbfuck. And not because you’re a woman; sorry to bust your bubble, but I’m pretty sure that’s the least of your problems. But because anyone with the “Cream of Wheat” brain to put together an argument like that for publication in a national newspaper should at least have the first clue what she’s bitching about, and, Charlotte Allen, I really don’t think you do.
Because the thing is, I don’t necessarily disagree with your specifics. Women having fainting fits over Obama is silly. Grey’s Anatomy is certainly unrealistic. Eat, Pray, Love sounds like sparkly, fluffy, New Age bullshit, absolutely, but not because it was written by a woman-because it was written by a dumbass. It’s not your examples that I’m taking issue with here-it’s the attribution of them to some kind of fatal flaw in the female brain. I’m not going to argue that women can’t be retarded, because God knows we can; I’m just saying it has less to do with having a twat and more to do with being human beings. Which, all right, you sort of gesture at here:
“And obviously men do dumb things, too, although my husband has perfectly good explanations for why he eats standing up at the stove (when I’m not around) or pulls down all the blinds so the house looks like a cave (also when I'm not around): It has to do with the aggressive male nature and an instinctive fear of danger from other aggressive men. When men do dumb things, though, they tend to be catastrophically dumb, such as blowing the paycheck on booze or much, much worse (think ‘postal’).”
…Except not really, because you seem to draw some kind of bizarre distinction between the stupid shit men do and the stupid shit women do. I don’t know what rock you’ve been living under, or why you only seem to know teenyboppers, Jean Teasdales, and June Cleavers, but I’ve got news for you, sugar: it’s the exact same stupid shit. I know it sounds like a backhanded argument for gender equality (“Hey, y’all, girls can fuck up every bit as badly as guys can!”), but it’s true-girls don’t make assholes of themselves because they have, on average, worse spatial skills than men (and seriously, how is that relevant?); girls make assholes of themselves because they’re people, and people are often irrational and short-sighted and mean-spirited and a whole bunch of other bad stuff that has nothing to do with the type of genitalia they sport. Welcome to Earth, enjoy your stay.
But of course, this isn’t the crux of your argument, because you had to go and project all your grody self-loathing onto the problem and turn it into some kind of “bitches is dumb” manifesto, thereby proving that really, the only dumb bitch in the room is you. Look, I get that certain aspects of popular “female” culture are empty-headed and off-putting, but nobody is requiring you to participate in them. I don’t like Celine Dion either, but well, I just don’t buy her albums. I don’t go around proclaiming that because some women like her, all women are inherently inferior. It’s called a sweeping generalization, and it means you lose, so stop getting your own crappy gender issues all over me, because if you honestly believe that women can’t contribute to a meaningful dialogue about the future of our country because we’re all simpletons who can’t drive ourselves to the polls anyway, then I strongly urge you to take your own advice, mind your knitting, and shut the fuck up.