I like dancing.
I suppose I go in random spurts...spitting tid-bits of nothingness out here, and there...only when needed.
I have been experiencing a lot of new hap's as of lately; probably since January.Maybe I have been allowing myself certain things..or allowing others I should say. Basically, I am allowing things, because ultimately who is the decision maker for my life? In the end, it is me. I think that everything happens for a reason, but I should not to be taken as a fatalist. I believe in a lot of things, and don't believe in just as many. I think it is a beautiful thing that not all people necessarily utilize to the maxim. I feel like there is so much people can do with free thought, that they don't...because they're used to being told how to believe, live..or they are scared. Sad.., is it bliss? All the good, bad, ups, downs, and whatever else is in between helps. It makes you harder, or appreciate the easier. What is the factor that makes you too hard? Too hard to forget? Too hard to forget the things people have said or done in your life that you don't know if you should, or shouldn't be listening to? Where is my personal translator to help decipher what is real? My person super computer if you will. I haven't been doing too bad as of late, I don't think.
Oh, I have been keeping things festering from friends, and people of the past that I shouldn't, but I've been better. Those things are going...going..and getting gone. Old heart aches and misdoings I am forgiving for myself. Basically, what good would it be doing to me to keep them? Nothing, only helping in contributing to me being bitter, and spiteful. I don't want to be like that to myself, or anyone else that I remotely care about. Taking control is a very powerful feeling. Getting control is even better...and realizing that.. is that much more. I am hoping for all three in the not too distant future.
I would like to properly be able to let specific people know their importance with me; swallow my pride. I need to fucking eat my pride. No more being a Lion. Let it go, and live my one life. I am a serious kinda female, with serious kinds of feelings. I think I have been waiting on that one place to invest them for a long time, and it really has finally been the greatest experience of my life hands down. I have had a lot of life experiences. I should let him know. I should like to be able to look back on my thoughts, and self in a few years and see how I relate to then. Being twenty-two soon is ringing new bells; the one's where I am telling myself I am getting older. A lot of people think..." that's just starting...you're a baby." ..That's not where I am, though. I have always been like that about the future...liking knowing certain things...and needing a sense of stability, and a little bit of a plan. I need that., because that is what I am used to. I feel this time I should invest everything--everyone hurts and loves, and so have, and will I. I just choose over whom I shall. I haven't felt that way in my life before about myself, or even remotely close to letting another person. So maybe the hurt is all worth it in the end.
I think sometimes I worry too much about other people's feelings, and other times have a serious lack of empathy for others. Filllllled with apathy. I am working on regulating this. I find that I have so much sympathy for those who haven't earn the right, and lack there of for those who have. I feel more responsible for someone of whom I don't know well- - to a certain degree, rather than a close friend's feelings. I think if I have inflicted those feelings, I become guilt stricken. I feel the need to fix it, even if I know what I did was best, and righteous. I think I am ridiculously hard on my closer acquainted because I want the best for them. I go about it in the wrong way. Sorry. It's all I have known how to do. Working on it.
I love hard. Too fucking hard. Take it or leave it.
Cheers,
XO.
I have been experiencing a lot of new hap's as of lately; probably since January.Maybe I have been allowing myself certain things..or allowing others I should say. Basically, I am allowing things, because ultimately who is the decision maker for my life? In the end, it is me. I think that everything happens for a reason, but I should not to be taken as a fatalist. I believe in a lot of things, and don't believe in just as many. I think it is a beautiful thing that not all people necessarily utilize to the maxim. I feel like there is so much people can do with free thought, that they don't...because they're used to being told how to believe, live..or they are scared. Sad.., is it bliss? All the good, bad, ups, downs, and whatever else is in between helps. It makes you harder, or appreciate the easier. What is the factor that makes you too hard? Too hard to forget? Too hard to forget the things people have said or done in your life that you don't know if you should, or shouldn't be listening to? Where is my personal translator to help decipher what is real? My person super computer if you will. I haven't been doing too bad as of late, I don't think.
Oh, I have been keeping things festering from friends, and people of the past that I shouldn't, but I've been better. Those things are going...going..and getting gone. Old heart aches and misdoings I am forgiving for myself. Basically, what good would it be doing to me to keep them? Nothing, only helping in contributing to me being bitter, and spiteful. I don't want to be like that to myself, or anyone else that I remotely care about. Taking control is a very powerful feeling. Getting control is even better...and realizing that.. is that much more. I am hoping for all three in the not too distant future.
I would like to properly be able to let specific people know their importance with me; swallow my pride. I need to fucking eat my pride. No more being a Lion. Let it go, and live my one life. I am a serious kinda female, with serious kinds of feelings. I think I have been waiting on that one place to invest them for a long time, and it really has finally been the greatest experience of my life hands down. I have had a lot of life experiences. I should let him know. I should like to be able to look back on my thoughts, and self in a few years and see how I relate to then. Being twenty-two soon is ringing new bells; the one's where I am telling myself I am getting older. A lot of people think..." that's just starting...you're a baby." ..That's not where I am, though. I have always been like that about the future...liking knowing certain things...and needing a sense of stability, and a little bit of a plan. I need that., because that is what I am used to. I feel this time I should invest everything--everyone hurts and loves, and so have, and will I. I just choose over whom I shall. I haven't felt that way in my life before about myself, or even remotely close to letting another person. So maybe the hurt is all worth it in the end.
I think sometimes I worry too much about other people's feelings, and other times have a serious lack of empathy for others. Filllllled with apathy. I am working on regulating this. I find that I have so much sympathy for those who haven't earn the right, and lack there of for those who have. I feel more responsible for someone of whom I don't know well- - to a certain degree, rather than a close friend's feelings. I think if I have inflicted those feelings, I become guilt stricken. I feel the need to fix it, even if I know what I did was best, and righteous. I think I am ridiculously hard on my closer acquainted because I want the best for them. I go about it in the wrong way. Sorry. It's all I have known how to do. Working on it.
I love hard. Too fucking hard. Take it or leave it.
Cheers,
XO.