Life
Right now I'm going through a million and billions emotions per second without really understanding what I feel deep within. I think it's mainly because I've already experienced and cried all that I cried and accepted with fear of the inevitable. The only person I am responsible is myself I have to tell myself I did the best that I can. Somehow though I am only human and some times that doesn't feel enough. I look back into my life and see how it wasn't all that I planned it out to me, maybe in some sense I felt like failure.
However, despite of it I've felt like I've lost someone very special regardless of the outcome being an astrological sign. It doesn't matter whether he is 20 or 30 to me this person was someone who I considered special, and I felt lucky, I felt like for once in this world I matter to someone other than myself. It was a great feeling an experience, however for whatever it had lead to I couldn't possible ask back what had been giving to me in pain, what had been returned to me in dislike or rejected. It always needs to stems down whether he was really even himself or did he ever really like me just because of that. What about me what about my needs why does it have to be some one on the same wave length I've tried and I did my best. I wasn't excited because I felt like I was converting anyone the last thing I want to do is change anyone under their own will.I just wanted to be a part of someone special heart, and I wanted to feel like I had some one special. The obesession of the love is withering away, and yet here I am feeling empty feeling like I don't know what AM I going to do. All I ever do is move and continue to move, It's like humans want other humans to be okay and expect them to meet their expectations by the term move on. They can't or will not see it through my eyes my thoughts and my feelings on what I had felt, I'm allowing these feelings to take over mu judgement but I felt like I needed to express myself because I don't know what ELSE i HAVE in me.
I don't know if I want to give up my hope or my faith. I guess I am one to admit...
I believe god just wants me to be alone for the rest of my life.
I don't think I deserved this lesson to be taught, and I don't think the rest of the world deserve this kind of misery either even when their faith still stays with god.
I pray every day and every night for the man of my dreams and I didn't expect it, I finally got him he was amazing and now he's gone. So why god, why . I don't blame you but I do question you, I prayed I stayed true to you and I did and do everything that I must I even give you my respect so why god. Why take the one thing I could of ever truly started loving for once in my life.
I don't blame you God.
However, this isn't fair. I feel like I've failed, like I'll never be good enough even when I succeed. I feel like I will always remain to be alone...who said anything about success guaranteeing love. I can be the most richest and the most successful man in the world, and even take care of myself but the harsh reality is that maybe just maybe I was mean to be alone for the rest of my life.
I wanted to get married and have a family and I wanted my mother to see me get married.. but I yet again failed her. The only thing I haven't failed myself in , is my sobriety...but I still wanted kids young...okay I'll stop pitying myself and work harder..
I'll miss you Bryce, I hate you but I love, and I hate you again.
Good bye.
However, despite of it I've felt like I've lost someone very special regardless of the outcome being an astrological sign. It doesn't matter whether he is 20 or 30 to me this person was someone who I considered special, and I felt lucky, I felt like for once in this world I matter to someone other than myself. It was a great feeling an experience, however for whatever it had lead to I couldn't possible ask back what had been giving to me in pain, what had been returned to me in dislike or rejected. It always needs to stems down whether he was really even himself or did he ever really like me just because of that. What about me what about my needs why does it have to be some one on the same wave length I've tried and I did my best. I wasn't excited because I felt like I was converting anyone the last thing I want to do is change anyone under their own will.I just wanted to be a part of someone special heart, and I wanted to feel like I had some one special. The obesession of the love is withering away, and yet here I am feeling empty feeling like I don't know what AM I going to do. All I ever do is move and continue to move, It's like humans want other humans to be okay and expect them to meet their expectations by the term move on. They can't or will not see it through my eyes my thoughts and my feelings on what I had felt, I'm allowing these feelings to take over mu judgement but I felt like I needed to express myself because I don't know what ELSE i HAVE in me.
I don't know if I want to give up my hope or my faith. I guess I am one to admit...
I believe god just wants me to be alone for the rest of my life.
I don't think I deserved this lesson to be taught, and I don't think the rest of the world deserve this kind of misery either even when their faith still stays with god.
I pray every day and every night for the man of my dreams and I didn't expect it, I finally got him he was amazing and now he's gone. So why god, why . I don't blame you but I do question you, I prayed I stayed true to you and I did and do everything that I must I even give you my respect so why god. Why take the one thing I could of ever truly started loving for once in my life.
I don't blame you God.
However, this isn't fair. I feel like I've failed, like I'll never be good enough even when I succeed. I feel like I will always remain to be alone...who said anything about success guaranteeing love. I can be the most richest and the most successful man in the world, and even take care of myself but the harsh reality is that maybe just maybe I was mean to be alone for the rest of my life.
I wanted to get married and have a family and I wanted my mother to see me get married.. but I yet again failed her. The only thing I haven't failed myself in , is my sobriety...but I still wanted kids young...okay I'll stop pitying myself and work harder..
I'll miss you Bryce, I hate you but I love, and I hate you again.
Good bye.