well wow.
there are some people that are destined to find happiness through the love of other human beings.
there are some people who are destined to find happiness through money and success.
i am not either of those people.
unfortunately.
no matter how much success i have, it never feels enough when i'm not experiencing it.
that's why i make myself so busy.
i'm afraid that if i'm not busy with something, i'll have a break down. or someone will notice how unhappy i am.
i haven't been happy deep down in a really long time.
i'm the fucking drum major for cousino patriot marching band.
i'm nearly an assistant manager at the best coldstone i've ever been to.
i'm on a selective student advisory board for SADD michigan.
i have a family that loves me.
friends that support me.
but i can't find happiness in any of that, because i can't find happiness within myself.
i am disgustingly overweight.
i looked at myself in the mirror while i was sitting down.
and i almost threw up.
ughhhh.
this entry has nothing to do with anything but myself.
but i just feel that my friends should know why I'm never happy any more.
and those are the reasons.
it's not any specific event, it's nothing in particular.
but it's everything.
i'm not happy with myself, and i still KNOW that i could be doing more if i tried. every day i try a little bit harder to get to the top, but i feel like i'm getting further and further away.
i'm going to make it.
there are some people who are destined to find happiness through money and success.
i am not either of those people.
unfortunately.
no matter how much success i have, it never feels enough when i'm not experiencing it.
that's why i make myself so busy.
i'm afraid that if i'm not busy with something, i'll have a break down. or someone will notice how unhappy i am.
i haven't been happy deep down in a really long time.
i'm the fucking drum major for cousino patriot marching band.
i'm nearly an assistant manager at the best coldstone i've ever been to.
i'm on a selective student advisory board for SADD michigan.
i have a family that loves me.
friends that support me.
but i can't find happiness in any of that, because i can't find happiness within myself.
i am disgustingly overweight.
i looked at myself in the mirror while i was sitting down.
and i almost threw up.
ughhhh.
this entry has nothing to do with anything but myself.
but i just feel that my friends should know why I'm never happy any more.
and those are the reasons.
it's not any specific event, it's nothing in particular.
but it's everything.
i'm not happy with myself, and i still KNOW that i could be doing more if i tried. every day i try a little bit harder to get to the top, but i feel like i'm getting further and further away.
i'm going to make it.