Oh heeeeey
Well hello there..
It's 2009...incredible! I can't believe this is my last semester. After the next couple months..I'll be a college graduate. So surreal. I'm glad that I have things figured out and planned for the future..however.. I'm kind of nervous that it's so planned out. I kind of wish I was just going with the flow, yeah it might be scary but on the other end of it there's so much more freedom and energy and ability to just go out there and do what you want. Instead I know that when I graduate in two weeks i'll be back on campus to spend the summer as a Assistant Coordinator for the summer and then move on to graduate school back at home. ....yeah. I can't wait for this summer however. I think it's going to be so amazing. All of my favorites will be close by, all of orientation loves, trevor, kelsey, and lacey....I really think it'll be a blast!
However..I think I need to make this semester so much more then past ones. I need to focus on myself. The thing is I always find myself saying that but never following through. I've always been an all or nothing kind of girl. But lately I find myself settling for things that compromise that. I settle for people who only go halfway. I put my all or nothing attitude towards something...and then I wind up being disappointed when it's never reciprocated.
So then why do I let it happen? Because for some reason..I always let people walk all over me. A lot of people won't admit it.. but I will. I think I'm always looking for people to do good, atleast the norm as I would expect..so I always go above and beyond for others but most of the time it's not worth the effort.
However..There are a few good people out there who do...kelsey..bridgit..amanda...melynda..lauren..lacey...jen These girls amaze me. And they remind me why I do have the outlook I have in others. Because they are the good I see in others..and i guess i need to stop looking for it, and be happy with the fact that I have found it in some of my closest friends.
So do i keep letting someone take advantage of my all or nothing attitude and keep getting dragged around.. or do I stand up for myself and end up losing them?....
At this point it's really hard for me to say what I'm going to do.
But I'm really sick of putting myself out there and having them disregard it for others who treat them half as well as I do.
..ah time will tell as usual GOD DAMN!
It's 2009...incredible! I can't believe this is my last semester. After the next couple months..I'll be a college graduate. So surreal. I'm glad that I have things figured out and planned for the future..however.. I'm kind of nervous that it's so planned out. I kind of wish I was just going with the flow, yeah it might be scary but on the other end of it there's so much more freedom and energy and ability to just go out there and do what you want. Instead I know that when I graduate in two weeks i'll be back on campus to spend the summer as a Assistant Coordinator for the summer and then move on to graduate school back at home. ....yeah. I can't wait for this summer however. I think it's going to be so amazing. All of my favorites will be close by, all of orientation loves, trevor, kelsey, and lacey....I really think it'll be a blast!
However..I think I need to make this semester so much more then past ones. I need to focus on myself. The thing is I always find myself saying that but never following through. I've always been an all or nothing kind of girl. But lately I find myself settling for things that compromise that. I settle for people who only go halfway. I put my all or nothing attitude towards something...and then I wind up being disappointed when it's never reciprocated.
So then why do I let it happen? Because for some reason..I always let people walk all over me. A lot of people won't admit it.. but I will. I think I'm always looking for people to do good, atleast the norm as I would expect..so I always go above and beyond for others but most of the time it's not worth the effort.
However..There are a few good people out there who do...kelsey..bridgit..amanda...melynda..lauren..lacey...jen These girls amaze me. And they remind me why I do have the outlook I have in others. Because they are the good I see in others..and i guess i need to stop looking for it, and be happy with the fact that I have found it in some of my closest friends.
So do i keep letting someone take advantage of my all or nothing attitude and keep getting dragged around.. or do I stand up for myself and end up losing them?....
At this point it's really hard for me to say what I'm going to do.
But I'm really sick of putting myself out there and having them disregard it for others who treat them half as well as I do.
..ah time will tell as usual GOD DAMN!