The Archivist
Title: The ArchivistRating: R
Warnings: Nada
Spoilers: None
Summary: Kurt was terrified of losing people, of forgetting them, so he kept mementos of them tucked in files beneath his bed. This is an exploration of some of the things filed in the box labeled “Blaine.” An epistolary story.
Author’s Note: There is no way this and my sanity could coexist without mary_flanner , who was lovely enough to tell me both when I needed to add a bit more, and when I needed to woah, stop.
This was on my list of things to do during my Summer of Playing Around with Style/Doing Things I’m Afraid Of. The first was telling a story using only sensory descriptions, the second was telling a story using no descriptions at all. The concept for this was born out of Kurt’s confession about the dresser that still smells like his mother and an entry on Texts From Last Night (which appears, in slightly altered form at the end of this) that I couldn’t leave alone.
I don’t generally tell people how to read things, but this one bears a short note: This thing is fairly subtle, it is something you will want to read carefully, the dates and labels are just as important as the entries themselves. Also, there may or may not be one or two little Easter eggs hidden which, while not necessary for you enjoyment or basic understanding of the story, may enhance the experience. Without giving too much away, I will say that if there is a reference, say in a label, that doesn’t make immediate sense to you, it might behoove you to use the google. That is all.
This is secretly the fluffiest thing I’ve ever written.
~~
Officially, Kurt lost his mother when he was six. That was the year he came home one day to find his father crying in the kitchen, that was the year he first woke up in a world where his mother just wasn’t anymore, that was the year he learned to go to sleep without her there to sing to him. But that year was just when it started, he kept loosing her for years after that. Her smell, her voice, her laugh, he’d cried for hours the morning he woke up and realized that he couldn’t remember what color her eyes had been. People told him how much he was like her, that he had her smile, her voice, her personality and he tried desperately to separate out the parts of himself that were him and the parts the were her, but with her slowly slipping away, it grew harder and harder as he got older.
Kurt was determined to never lose someone like that again, so he started collecting things. He tucked them away in boxes beneath his bed, carefully organized and meticulously labeled. All he had of his mother were a few pictures and a broken dresser that smelled less like her everyday, but for his father, his friends, everyone he’d ever loved, he had pictures and videos and emails carefully stored away so that even when they left, when they had a fight, when they grew distant, when he woke up in a world where they weren’t anymore, he wouldn’t ever lose them.
People called it a lot of different things -- grieving, anxiety, hoarding -- all with varying degrees of fondness and exasperation, but when Kurt was twelve he found a word that was strong enough and important enough to describe what he was doing. Archiving.
~~
Screenshot of text messages dated April 28, 2015.
Labels: Blaine; 2015; I’ll Have What She’s Having
Me: I know it’s tradition in this relationship to mark significant occasions with song, but Marvin Gaye, really?
Blaine: It’s a classic.
Me: It’s tacky.
Blaine: You would have preferred something else?
Blaine: Nine Inch Nails, maybe?
Me: No, Blaine.
Blaine: I want to fuck you like an animal.
Me: Stop it.
Blaine: I want to feel you from the inside.
Me: You suck so much right now.
Me: I hate you.
Blaine: No you don’t.
Me: No, I don’t.
~~
USB Flash Drive dated July 19, 2015
Labels: Blaine; 2015; I’ll Have What She’s Having
The flash drive contains a shaky video taken on Kurt’s phone. Blaine is grinning and singing Teenage Dream at the top of his lungs. From behind the camera, Kurt’s voice can be heard.
“No, Blaine, it’s got to be authentic, jump up on the couch.”
Blaine pulls a face at the camera and makes a vaguely rude gesture, but complies.
~~
Post-it note Kurt finds stuck to the back of his scarf drawer November 23, 2015
Labels: Blaine; 2015; You Move Me
Oh, there you are, I’ve been looking for you forever.
~Blaine
P.S. call me when you find this, I want to know how long it took you ;)
28-Aug-2015
~~
Screenshot of text messages dated January 2, 2016
Labels: Blaine; 2016; You Move Me; Beware the; You Move Me
Blaine: Is it stupid that I miss you already?
Me: Not stupid, I miss you too.
Blaine: We’ve done three and a half years of this, why does it suddenly seem so much harder?
Me: Because for the first time the end is in sight.
Blaine: We’re going to have to figure out what happens after graduation.
Me: I’ll find a job in Seattle doing something. We’ll be together, the rest of it is just details.
Blaine: You know it’s not actually that easy, right?
Me: Pfft. It is and it isn’t.
Me: The next time we meet in Ohio, we won’t have to say goodbye again.
Me: June 1. You. Me. Breadstix. After that, we’ll figure it out.
Blaine: It’s a date.
~~
Emails saved in Kurt’s Archive folder.
Labels: Blaine; 2016; Beware the Fucking Ides of March
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: March 16, 2016
Subject: On the off chance that you haven’t blocked my emails
For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: March 16, 2016
Subject: No, I haven’t blocked your emails
Fuck you.
~~
Letter handwritten on lined notebook paper. In the upper right hand corner in a different hand and a different color, it says “Received March 23, 2016.”
Labels: Blaine; 2016; Beware the Fucking Ides of March
Dear Kurt,
So apparently we can’t talk about this without one of us saying something stupid and hurtful, so I thought I’d try to get my thoughts out this way. Writing it down feels more deliberate and it should force me to think about what I’m saying before it reaches you and hurts you. It should also let me get my thoughts to you intact without letting it devolve into another fight. I suppose that’s assuming you read this whole thing, but I trust you to give me a chance.
So here goes.
I know you’re pissed at me, you probably have a right to be. I know I didn’t say some things as carefully as I would have liked and when I was angry I said things that I didn’t mean and I’m sorry for that. I stand by my basic premise, though. This job is a big fucking deal Kurt, and I feel like you’re throwing it out without even considering it.
Please, please, please don’t take this as me “trying to find a way out” or any of the other things you accused me of the other night. I love you Kurt, but one of the things I love most about you is your ambition and I can’t bear to see that die. You can try to downplay it, you can say there are other jobs, but you forget that I know you Kurt. There may be other jobs, but this is the one you want.
It’s more than that, though -- you would be so good at it.
You might be able to forgive me for being the thing that stood in the way of that, but I could never forgive myself.
You’re absolutely right, you’re an adult and you’re capable of making your own decisions, but Kurt, you have to honestly consider all of the options. We can find a way to make this work, I know we can.
Blaine.
~~
Handwritten letter marked DRAFT 23-MAR-16. The letter is heavily edited with a number of things crossed out, some so deliberately that the paper has torn.
Labels: Blaine; 2016; Beware the Fucking Ides of March
Dear Asshole Blaine,
You sounded like a pretentious dick in your letter. I’ll indulge you on this letter writing thing, even if I think it’s a little weird. Also, yes, I did read the whole thing, and fuck you for that.
I can acknowledge that I was probably wrong when I accused you of looking for a way out. That wasn’t entirely fair. I know that you’ve worked as hard at this as I have and I know that even if you’re going about it in a completely patronizing way even though I disagree with you, you do have my best interests at heart and I will try to keep that in mind.
That said, I resent the implication that I haven’t thought this through. I don’t know where you got the idea that I needed to be saved, I don’t, not even from myself. And to be honest, when you try, you kind of suck at it.
You said before that you can’t let me give up this opportunity (and fuck you for that, I don’t need you to let me do anything) but you can’t make me the asshole who asks you to give up I can’t ask you to give up Seattle any more than you can ask me to give up Boston. So where do we go from here, Blaine? For the last four years at least we had an end in sight, we could look forward to graduation and see a future together, but if we do this, if I do Boston and you do Seattle what does the future look like? Unless we’re going to have this epic tragic story where we’re constantly parted, one of us will have to make this sacrifice sooner or later, but how long will we be apart before that happens? I can’t do that. I need some certainty. I need to either move in with you after graduation or move on I’m not trying to give an ultimatum, I’m not, but I can’t do this distance thing anymore, Blaine, I just can’t.
So what now?
And yeah, alright, you might have had a point about writing these letters out by hand tempering the tone, reading back over this, I do kind of sound like an ass.
Kurt
~~
Email in Kurt’s Archive folder.
Labels: Blaine; 2016; Beware the Fucking Ides of March
To: Blaine Anderson
Sent: April 22, 2016
Subject:
I’m taking the job in Boston.
K.
~~
Receipt that Kurt throws in the trash the moment he gets home, then pulls out, then throws away again. The next morning he pulls it out, smooths it against the counter, and files it with everything else.
Labels: Blaine; 2016; Beware the Fucking Ides of March; Be More Pathetic, I Dare You; Missed the Saturday Dance
BREADSTIX 220 West Market St. Lima, OH June 1, 2016 Order: 1440798 Server: Susan Table: 9 Guests: 1 (3) House Merlot$19.47(1) Asian Chicken Salad$9.49(1) J. Walker Blk$5.79 Tax (5.5%) $0.52Alchl Tax (7%)$1.79Total: $37.06 Please pay your server Thank You!
~~
Emails saved in Kurt’s Archive folder.
Labels: Blaine; 2016; Missed the Saturday Dance
To: Blaine Anderson
Sent: November 5, 2016
Subject: Voicemail
Blaine,
I think you might have a voice message from me from last night. I guess you’re still on my speed dial and my screen lock wasn’t on and -- well, you get the picture. Anyway, you can just delete it, there’s nothing on it, just ten minutes of the sound of my pocket. Sorry about that.
I hope everything is going well in Seattle.
Kurt
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: November 6, 2016
Subject: re: Voicemail
Were you on a date?
B
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: November 10, 2016
Subject: re:Voicemail
I don’t know how I’m supposed to answer that.
KEH
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: November 10, 2016
Subject: re: Voicemail
It’s not a trick question.
B
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: November 11, 2016
Subject: re:Voicemail
Yes.
K
~~
Sheet of lined notebook paper Kurt finds in his files December 9, 2016
Labels: You’re a Little Neurotic, Did You Know that?; But It’s Kind of Adorable
Labels: Blaine; 2015; 2016; Missed the Saturday Dance; You Move Me; But Seriously, Don’t Touch the Archives
You know, lesser boyfriends would be freaked out by this, I’m choosing to find it flattering.
Your files are woefully lacking in the documentation of one thing, though, I’d like to correct that.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
~Blaine
30-Jul-2015
P.S. You will find similar notes in your dad’s, Mercedes’ and Carole’s files. I’m not even a little bit sorry for mucking around in them.
~~
Screenshot of text messages dated December 31, 2016.
Labels: Blaine; 2016; Missed the Saturday Dance; You Move Me
Blaine: We were supposed to be like when harry met sally
Me: What?
Blaine: We’ve been fighting for months and now I’m at an awful new years party you’re supposed to come bursting in to tell me that you want the rest of your life to
Blaine: start as soon as possible
Me: Blaine
Blaine: Sorry I think I might be really drunk
Me: You’re wrong, you know.
Blaine: What?
Me: I’m Meg Ryan, you’re the one who is supposed to do the party crashing.
~~
CD containing a recording of a voice message dated 13-Mar-17
Labels: Blaine; 2017; Missed the Saturday Dance
“Kuuuuuuuuurt. You’re s’posed to be answering your phone ‘cause you answer your phone now -- you didn’t before but you do now and I was gonna tell you things. I was gonna say I hate Seattle, and my job is stupid and it rains all the time and makes my hair all stupid and it’s stupid and you have pretty eyes.
“Shhh, don’t tell anyone, but I’m drunk. I wasn’t last time, I said I was ‘cause you weren’t saying anything, I mean you weren’t texting anything so I said I was drunk ‘cause you can say stuff like that when you’re drunk and it doesn’t have to matter, but I wasn’t drunk then, I am this time.
“Oh I have to go now, ‘cause they’re looking for me. They said I wasn’t s’posed to call, but I did ‘cause I had things I was gonna say, but it’s ok ‘cause you didn’t answer your phone so it’s like I didn’t call at all.
“Ok.”
~~
Selected receipts that Kurt steals from Blaine’s wallet.
Labels: Blaine; 2017; I’ll Have What She’s Having
BROADWAY SHELL (206)-324-0919 1500 BROADWAY SEATTLE, WA 05/23/2017 08:09 AMXXXX XXXX XXXX 5744 VISA INVOICE 753953 AUTH 5577473 PUMP # 5 UNLEAD12.238GPRICE/GAL3.99FUEL TOTAL$ 48.83 --------------Subtotal = $ 48.83Tax = $ 0.00 -------------Total = $ 48.83CREDIT $ 48.83
PANINI CAFE & COFFEE HOUSE8000 BLACK HAWK RD # 6BLACKHAWK, SD05/24/20175:43 PMHAM/CHEESE$4.09COKE$1.00TAX$0.30TOTAL$5.39VISA XXXX XXXX XXXX 5744 THANK YOUCALL AGAIN!CLERK 1 No. 379287 00002
Best Western Albert Lea I-90 Hotel Folio # 678965456821 East Plaza Street, Albert Lea, MN 56007-2084Room 139(507) 373-4000 Check In Date: 05/25/2017Guest Name: Blaine AndersonCheck Out Date: 05/26/2017Guest Name:408 Monroe Avenue NE, Apt 107 Renton, WA 98056 DateDescriptionCommentAmount05/25/2017Room $110.0005/25/2017City TaxTAX$7.5605/25/2017MN State TaxTAX$0.5505/26/2017VISAVISA($118.11) Total Due:$0.00
Thank you for staying with us!
The Flying Joe Coffee House Levis Commons 2130 Preston Parkway Perrysburg, OH 419-931-0273 Date: May 27, 17Time: 8:02Terminal ID:00872693Merchant #:9379467380874VISA XXXX XXXX XXXX 5744 Sale Batch: 007657 Inv: 08790976 Amount: $ 5.07 Tip:$ x Total:$ x Anderson, Blaine Customer Copy
TAYLORS MINI MART1168 NEW YORK 7RICHMONDVILLE, NY 12149-3513(518) 294-6716MOBIL05/27/2017REGULAR14.287GPRICE/GAL3.899 FUEL TOTAL$ 55.71 -------------Subtotal = $ 55.71Tax = $ 0.00 -------------Total = $ 55.71 CREDIT$ 55.71VISA XXXX XXXX XXXX 5744
~~
Screenshot of text messages dated May 28, 2017
Labels: Blaine; 2017; You Move Me
Blaine: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.
Me: Blaine?
Blaine: Come outside.
~~
Screenshot of text messages dated September 15, 2017
Labels: Blaine; 2017; I’ll Have What She’s Having; You Move Me; I’ll Wear Out The Words
Me: There is a full sized piano in the middle of the street outside our apartment. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Me: Blaine?
Me: You’ve got to be kidding me.