Bye Bye Booze
I dumped the vodka.
I was waking up feeling like absolute garbage every morning. This morning is particularly bad. And I can't tell what's from restriction and what's from booze. I can't restrict as effectively anymore. I eat a bit more, or eat a snack at an earlier time or feel dehydrated etc. Or I feel even more tired. This is why I stopped drinking last time too, besides the calories. I remember the moment I decided to stop. I had bought some wine from Fred Meyers and drank it, then didn't feel great and felt like I needed to eat in order to feel better.
I will miss it. It calms my anxiety. (Until it makes it worse the next day) It gave me something to look forward to in the evenings. I can actually feel feelings. It was only when tipsy at night that I would consider getting a therapist or calling P.W. or etc. But I need to feel what is happening in my body without it being muddled by hangovers. My hunger. I need to know if the physical symptoms are from my eating disorder or what. And when I get back into exercise, I can't be hung over.
Also, even though it would help me restrict to know that I had to in order to feel the alcohol as much as possible, I know alcohol hinders fat loss. And it made me feel like a "fake anorexic". I just am done. And I hope I can remember how nasty I feel right now when I am tempted to buy it again.