Time Warp
Things people said my freshman and sophomore years at UA in reference to intoxication. Guess which quote was mine!
# "I'm the poster child for fetal alchohol syndrome."
# "I'm very mature for my age, therefore it's ok to drink."
# "There's enough alcohol on this thing to sterialize the AIDS virus."
# "WOAH!"
#
# sings* "I love pot, I love pot, I love POT!"
#
# sings* "I want to f*ck a dog in the ass. I want to f*ck a pirate in the ass!"
"Sit yo' high ass down" "Okay... whoah! The G-forces... just close your eyes."
"I always talk to the dog."
"I got cigarettes...? what the hell?"
"Damn I was drunk last night...but I ran six miles!"
"I need a nicotreat."
"F*ck the gay people!"
"It looks like uuungh."
"Get up and fight for your rights, Sam!" "Sam couldn't get up if the house was on fire."
# after a piece of pizza is passed overhand across the room* "What is this, the ninja turtles? What's the matter here??"
"Damn, did you get cast as a hobbit in Lord of the Rings?"
"I've had a lot of Goldschlager before and not been drunk...I...think...?"
"I think at this point it's actually best I limit how much I say out loud."
"I'm not like most people. *pause* I can fly."
"Clearly my need to smell this bottle...with my mouth is necessary."
"Even when I'm drunk I'm sober."
"I had such a great evening, you just have no idea...and neither do I."
"I just want you to know, if I had a brother, I'd want him to be just like you." "You do have a brother."
"...You don't say that sober." "Yes I do!...No, no I don't."
"We're all relatively intelligent people here...sometimes we just like to limit our intelligence to see what other people's lives are like."
"What the HELL was in that? And I want more."
"You had a GREAT night." "I DID?"
"No hangover could compare to these pangs of remorse."
"I don't think it flushed right...but I weigh 116 pounds."
"For future reference, I have to have a piece of that action."
"Ok, that's it--I'm pissing in the trash can."
"Dude, I haven't been this stoned since yesterday!"
"I am SO full of shit!"
"You're not my daddy!"
"If I had a gigantic penis, I probably wouldn't bother talking about life and the universe and meaning and sh*t."
"Ok, at least IIIII didn't piss in the trash can....although I was confused as to whether it was a plant or not."
"I really appreciate a person who can answer with shittalk."
"Have you ever engaged in oral sex with bill clinton?" "-- Define 'Yes'."
# "I'm the poster child for fetal alchohol syndrome."
# "I'm very mature for my age, therefore it's ok to drink."
# "There's enough alcohol on this thing to sterialize the AIDS virus."
# "WOAH!"
#
# sings* "I love pot, I love pot, I love POT!"
#
# sings* "I want to f*ck a dog in the ass. I want to f*ck a pirate in the ass!"
"Sit yo' high ass down" "Okay... whoah! The G-forces... just close your eyes."
"I always talk to the dog."
"I got cigarettes...? what the hell?"
"Damn I was drunk last night...but I ran six miles!"
"I need a nicotreat."
"F*ck the gay people!"
"It looks like uuungh."
"Get up and fight for your rights, Sam!" "Sam couldn't get up if the house was on fire."
# after a piece of pizza is passed overhand across the room* "What is this, the ninja turtles? What's the matter here??"
"Damn, did you get cast as a hobbit in Lord of the Rings?"
"I've had a lot of Goldschlager before and not been drunk...I...think...?"
"I think at this point it's actually best I limit how much I say out loud."
"I'm not like most people. *pause* I can fly."
"Clearly my need to smell this bottle...with my mouth is necessary."
"Even when I'm drunk I'm sober."
"I had such a great evening, you just have no idea...and neither do I."
"I just want you to know, if I had a brother, I'd want him to be just like you." "You do have a brother."
"...You don't say that sober." "Yes I do!...No, no I don't."
"We're all relatively intelligent people here...sometimes we just like to limit our intelligence to see what other people's lives are like."
"What the HELL was in that? And I want more."
"You had a GREAT night." "I DID?"
"No hangover could compare to these pangs of remorse."
"I don't think it flushed right...but I weigh 116 pounds."
"For future reference, I have to have a piece of that action."
"Ok, that's it--I'm pissing in the trash can."
"Dude, I haven't been this stoned since yesterday!"
"I am SO full of shit!"
"You're not my daddy!"
"If I had a gigantic penis, I probably wouldn't bother talking about life and the universe and meaning and sh*t."
"Ok, at least IIIII didn't piss in the trash can....although I was confused as to whether it was a plant or not."
"I really appreciate a person who can answer with shittalk."
"Have you ever engaged in oral sex with bill clinton?" "-- Define 'Yes'."