regrets
I'm feeling really guilty tonight for fighting with my Mom about the wedding -- I think wedding disagreements are inevitable with most moms and daughters, but especially with us because we were always interested in different things. We had different tastes, and everyone has their own ideas about what a wedding should be like -- my parents, Chris, me. I just wanted to make everyone happy, but that's hard to do because everyone is so sensitive about it and wants different things.
Our arguments were always compounded because of the timing of our lives. I was always trying to become more independent, make my own decisions, and be autonomous from my parents, but I think my Mom was still in the process of letting me go and learning to have an adult-adult relationship with me, instead of an adult-child relationship. I was upset that she wasn't letting me be my own person, and she was probably upset because I was trying to be one. Maybe Mom's feelings were hurt when I wanted something for the wedding that she didn't want. My feelings were always hurt because she never really cared for the things that interested me, or maybe she just couldn't show it. I don't think we had a lot in common, which is maybe why we weren't as close as I always wanted us to be.
I have good relationships with people who are a lot different than me, and I think Mom and I would have gotten to that point in our relationship, too. Once we got past all of the wedding/growing up drama and related as adults. But the really sad thing is that we never made it there. I had all of these hopes that eventually we would be close, but now we're going to be stuck in this awkward, crappy phase for the rest of my life. I just wish we had more time to take care of some of those things....
Our arguments were always compounded because of the timing of our lives. I was always trying to become more independent, make my own decisions, and be autonomous from my parents, but I think my Mom was still in the process of letting me go and learning to have an adult-adult relationship with me, instead of an adult-child relationship. I was upset that she wasn't letting me be my own person, and she was probably upset because I was trying to be one. Maybe Mom's feelings were hurt when I wanted something for the wedding that she didn't want. My feelings were always hurt because she never really cared for the things that interested me, or maybe she just couldn't show it. I don't think we had a lot in common, which is maybe why we weren't as close as I always wanted us to be.
I have good relationships with people who are a lot different than me, and I think Mom and I would have gotten to that point in our relationship, too. Once we got past all of the wedding/growing up drama and related as adults. But the really sad thing is that we never made it there. I had all of these hopes that eventually we would be close, but now we're going to be stuck in this awkward, crappy phase for the rest of my life. I just wish we had more time to take care of some of those things....