(no subject)
Hey everybody, thanks for your comments on my last entry...guess I was a little hard on myself. I've been real critical of myself lately for some reason. Lately I've been trying to turn myself into some great human being, some highly moral, highly respectable, extrememly intellegent and insightful God-like being. Guess thats not really human at all is it? I don't know why this sudden urge to be great has come over me, I think it's because deep down inside i'm a perfectionist and I've always felt the need to be great at everything I do. Fortunately I've learned that this is not exactly realistic, and it's not worth trying to attempt, it only leads to guarunteed failure and misery. I guess sometimes I have to remind myself of that though. Its kinda fun learning how to be human and enjoying life for what it's worth after having been a zombie for so many years. I figure I have alot of catching up to do. I catch myself thinking about the future sometimes, like the way future, when I'm outta college, when I get older, when I die. It's real depressing. People should never think about that stuff. I think maybe thats one of the things that prevents people from enjoying life, were always planning, thinking and looking ahead, saving things for later...we assume we have so much time. We need to just live for the moment, and not in the past, and certainly not for the uncertain future. I think the future is mostly beyond our control and we have to kinda fly by the seat of our pants. Thats fine with me, I can't stand being structured anyway. Well anyway, I'm in one of my testosterone moods today, and I feel like kicking someone's ass, so I think I'm gonna kick Math 150's ass. That bastard class is not gonna stop me. I will get my 3.5. Mark my word. lol...I haven't busted ass in school for a long time. I remember when I was a 4.0 as a freshmen...lol that seems like forever ago. OH well, grades don't mean anything to me, I just need a 3.5 to get my money for this quarter. After that I could give a shit less :) And I'm lining up those blessed trombone lessons tomorrow...look for me next fall in Script Ohio (far and away the greatest tradition in college football). I like this new driven mindset I'm in...it feels good after how sluggish I was last week. Don't know where this inspiration came from, but I'll take it while it lasts :)