Meow
I was on the bus ride home from work when Meow was dying.
I received two calls from Mina, but by the time I was able to fish the phone out of my case, I had missed the call. I tried back - straight to voice mail.
When I arrived home. Lights were on, but no one was home. Bedroom = check. Bathroom = check. The land line phone was missing. Maybe Mina was at Jaye's?
I tried Mina's cell again. Voice mail.
I sat down to email, and Mina arrived, with cat carrier in hand. That's when I knew for certain what I've been feeling for weeks. Meow was gone.
I'm not surprised that I didn't get to say goodbye to her. That's my viewpoint on my life in general, honestly: I can always count on something - some random circumstance, some subtle shift in the wind, some simple thing I missed - to fuck it all away.
It sounds defeatist, but I have decades of hard proof to back it up. I've been unemployed for over two months. A week into my new job, and I wasn't here.
In case I have to spell it out, no, I don't blame myself for not being here for her. I'm just sick and fucking tired of always being somewhere else, too far from where I should be. Being stationed overseas taught me that. Being married to the wrong woman taught me that.
Meow should have been surrounded by everyone who has ever given her affection in life, but at least she had her mom there. That's something.
Meow, like all our cats, was never a "pet". She was a companion. And like most companions, some days she got on my nerves with her eccentricities, other days her company was a blessing and a comfort and oftentimes just an out and out laugh.
Meow was smart, and when she did something smart, that's when she made me laugh the hardest.
Goodbye, Meow. Daddy loves you.
I received two calls from Mina, but by the time I was able to fish the phone out of my case, I had missed the call. I tried back - straight to voice mail.
When I arrived home. Lights were on, but no one was home. Bedroom = check. Bathroom = check. The land line phone was missing. Maybe Mina was at Jaye's?
I tried Mina's cell again. Voice mail.
I sat down to email, and Mina arrived, with cat carrier in hand. That's when I knew for certain what I've been feeling for weeks. Meow was gone.
I'm not surprised that I didn't get to say goodbye to her. That's my viewpoint on my life in general, honestly: I can always count on something - some random circumstance, some subtle shift in the wind, some simple thing I missed - to fuck it all away.
It sounds defeatist, but I have decades of hard proof to back it up. I've been unemployed for over two months. A week into my new job, and I wasn't here.
In case I have to spell it out, no, I don't blame myself for not being here for her. I'm just sick and fucking tired of always being somewhere else, too far from where I should be. Being stationed overseas taught me that. Being married to the wrong woman taught me that.
Meow should have been surrounded by everyone who has ever given her affection in life, but at least she had her mom there. That's something.
Meow, like all our cats, was never a "pet". She was a companion. And like most companions, some days she got on my nerves with her eccentricities, other days her company was a blessing and a comfort and oftentimes just an out and out laugh.
Meow was smart, and when she did something smart, that's when she made me laugh the hardest.
Goodbye, Meow. Daddy loves you.