if seeing is right, then look where you're at.
Well, Friday was mostly uneventful, spent most of the day processing all of the new music I've received (and listening to a helluva lot of Sufjan, because apparently that's where my heart is right now). In the evening, I started writing a new song. It is very melodic and uses very simple chords. I like it. I was recording it, but I had to stop because my dad was going to sleep. If anyone wants a very incomplete demo version of it, I'd be more than happy to send it their way... Anyway, my dad snapped because I was recording at like 1 o clock in the morning (but he was up) and we had a big fight. The embitterment and stress we'd held in for a long time all came out. It was, as Katherine put it, quite cathartic, but also very painful. I didn't have a great night, and I didn't actually fall asleep until about 6:30am. This is bad because Saturdays I work in Boston, so I had to be back up at around 8, so I could get there in time. Work was pretty much mindless. I've come to find a therapeutic rhythm in doing regular guitar setups (which is what most of work consists of, because people just don't know how to set their own guitars up) so I can work without thinking much about it and it feels good. That's what I did. Then I drove to UCONN and met up with Joe and 6 of his friends I'd never met before... Kyle, Alison, Amanda, Nicole, Chrissa, and Sashi. We drove down to Preston and grabbed a pizza that we ate at Joe's house in like 10 minutes (and Joe's mom included the comment "wow! They're all girls!"), then to the Mogehan Sun, with the intent of playing Bingo, but apparently it was canceled for a fight night, so we hung out there for 20 minutes brainstorming and decided to return to UCONN and watch a movie. Joe and I rode in one car with Amanda and Nicole and listening to music and talked about hiking and summertime and made fun of each other, and Chrissa's driving. We dropped Amanda and Nicole off at their dorm, parked Joe's car at his, went up for a few minutes, then walked up to the Amanda/Nicole/Chrissa/Jen residence (Jen came in later to say hi, so we did meet... I think it's Jen anyway...) and we all decided to play Taboo, in lieu of a movie. This seemed like a wonderful idea, so we played some Taboo, and ended up bringing in a kid named Brian, which made our teams uneven, and then later Jen came with her boyfriend (at the very end) but all in all we played Taboo for about 4 hours. The final scores were something like 160 to 156... my team lost, but we had a ridiculously good time.
At this point it was about 12:30... so we talked about some random things for another 10 minutes, then Joe and I headed out of there, I said goodnight and went straight to my car, drove home listening to Sufjan the whole way, and went into my room to find that my dad had cleaned up the stuff we'd broken the previous night when we fought, which I thought was pretty awesome of him, and now I'm sitting here, cheeks sore from laughing, head in a rush, and I've got this girl on my mind and she asked me to "put it all on the table." Well, maybe I will. I certainly can't lie to her. But it's all good. I want to respect her space and I can live happily no matter how she feels. I don't want to cross any boundaries, especially at a time where her feelings could be so... delicate.
Speaking of that...
I'm always interested in the delicacy or lack thereof in friendships and relationships, and the reasons for it. Take Andrew and Joe as an example... they're two of my absolutely best friends, I'd do anything in the world for them, and there's no delicacy there at all. We say whatever we want to each other, we tease and support and cherish and disrespect and laugh at and laugh with and shut down and hold close and all these crazy things that come together, and we hardly ever talk about it, we just know it's there; no doubts, no fear.
It's a wonderful thing.
Maybe that's what I'm trying to share (with her). Is desire an aftereffect? Maybe. I'd like to hope. But it's not what matters. Not in the end.
At this point it was about 12:30... so we talked about some random things for another 10 minutes, then Joe and I headed out of there, I said goodnight and went straight to my car, drove home listening to Sufjan the whole way, and went into my room to find that my dad had cleaned up the stuff we'd broken the previous night when we fought, which I thought was pretty awesome of him, and now I'm sitting here, cheeks sore from laughing, head in a rush, and I've got this girl on my mind and she asked me to "put it all on the table." Well, maybe I will. I certainly can't lie to her. But it's all good. I want to respect her space and I can live happily no matter how she feels. I don't want to cross any boundaries, especially at a time where her feelings could be so... delicate.
Speaking of that...
I'm always interested in the delicacy or lack thereof in friendships and relationships, and the reasons for it. Take Andrew and Joe as an example... they're two of my absolutely best friends, I'd do anything in the world for them, and there's no delicacy there at all. We say whatever we want to each other, we tease and support and cherish and disrespect and laugh at and laugh with and shut down and hold close and all these crazy things that come together, and we hardly ever talk about it, we just know it's there; no doubts, no fear.
It's a wonderful thing.
Maybe that's what I'm trying to share (with her). Is desire an aftereffect? Maybe. I'd like to hope. But it's not what matters. Not in the end.