(Untitled)

[wetpanda]

"Polski"

Indifference! Cold Indifference!
Pure apathy
Chaos Theory at its Finest!
And once again
Make a meaning!

But is there reallypure indifference

Comments

[hell_yeah05]

i love you too willy :) if i can im gonna go to swing this friday, and next weekend i'm going to showtime. so i'll see you around.

[visage_of_glee]

Isn't dzien dobry polish for good day? I like that.. haha reminds me of a book im reading.. ayn rand.. she's a good author

[0n_my_0wn]

All i know is

I'm assuming the i should be I?

This sounds almost like an advertisement. It's upbeat, happy, and trying to be persuasive.

My only problem was the jumping around was a bit much. I see it all connects in the end but first read through is difficult. First your hear, then there, then here.

It's also a bit choppy and I see the reason but I don't know if it's going over so well.

You may want to clarify about how Dzien Dobry has no meaning..? May make it easier to read first time around.

You may also want to get rid of the italics. You can't italisize while writing and it doesn't add to the poem anything.

It sounds almost like a crazy person just prattling about on his business.

This can be good or bad depending on the reader's mood. We must be careful of these sorts of things... ;D

(I'm sorry you don't get to see Monster. But this was actually original, non-template emo, and non rhyming so I started out all happy right away. It's hard to make the Monster come out when I'm happy XD)

♥
Maggie

[chasthespaz]

i have decided not to dwell on it for if i do i will be lost once again in a thoughtless world of confusion