free style
So married life is better than I ever expected. I love showering together then laying in bed and getting in simultaneous true yet pretend fights when I sneak away to go read Lorrie Moore and he watches dreaded Science Fiction movies/goes out to the porch to smoke/comes back and talks quietly and curtly with me and we exhale -- "I watched Ghost World with you. I thought we could watch this together now." So we do, ugh.
Our home is already becoming some sort of haven to me. And I love how everyone manages to haphazardly be in the neighborhood even though it's out in the middle of nowhere. The vibe of it is so good. Something beyond the guacamole colored kitchen walls or the new carpet that Jesse already spilt Jamba Juice on as I stood with my hands over my mouth and laughed. I love that our latino neighbors can honk in their cadillacs "Hey sexy mama!" as I'm taking out the trash, pull up next door and be respectful neighbors and offer to help us with our remodeling later with their little kids standing behind them shy in their swimsuits eyeing the hose i'm watering the grass with.
I'm eating [some] meat again. I'm holding hands with a girl on my front porch and laying my head on her shoulder as she grips into me and tells me and reminds me of who I am as we whisper secrets between the drags of her cigarette, a girl I was forbidden [and just waiting] to be friends with out of her ex girlfriends' jealousy issues in the past. I'm spending most of my time in my underwear and a tank top prancing around, painting, cleaning, unpacking, devising cool shit, cooking breakfast food for dinner, drinking beer and pressing my body into his once I've cornered him. Yesterday we both called in sick to work and he watched me apply make-up in the bathroom mirror. He looks me over, sadly. "Whats wrong?" I implore. "Nothing...it's just that...you are so beautiful. You have such a pretty face. I'm so lucky." Which made me swoon as I he's more of an ass man.
I walked down the aisle to "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star. My dad weeped. I laughed and grabbed his arm. I didn't think it would be so easy to have him "give me away". But like I say, we've been getting along. And he had just been released from the hospital the prior day after another emergency heart surgery. The song delayed. I watched everyone stand, cameras braced. I giggled at the alter enough for people to scold me for it later, trying to apologize with facial expressions for forgetting his ring. Thankfully Danny [his best man] has the same size of finger; ten. We danced, ate Mexican food, drank too much white wine, fell on the floor laughing, somehow became best friends with my sisters' boyfriend who I usually can't stand and who wrecked his Bently in a DUI accident later that night, hugged, kissed everyone I could, jumped a fence in my wedding dress and chased after Holly's shoe after she kicked it down the hill, made a fool of myself to all the old Mormon neighbors, looked around frantically for the people I love that didn't show up. Liz didn't come. Matt didn't come. Stef said she wouldn't miss it for the world, but did. Liz allegedly got the dates mixed up, he said nothing. She was at my bachelorette party so I don't get it. Felt disappointed. Realized I needed to move on and be with the people who support me. So kissed them even more. It's nice to not be taken for granted. It's nice to have Mimi tell me she feels cheated when I say she doesn't know me well enough. It's nice to have people participating in my life and vice versa.
I'm happy.
Our home is already becoming some sort of haven to me. And I love how everyone manages to haphazardly be in the neighborhood even though it's out in the middle of nowhere. The vibe of it is so good. Something beyond the guacamole colored kitchen walls or the new carpet that Jesse already spilt Jamba Juice on as I stood with my hands over my mouth and laughed. I love that our latino neighbors can honk in their cadillacs "Hey sexy mama!" as I'm taking out the trash, pull up next door and be respectful neighbors and offer to help us with our remodeling later with their little kids standing behind them shy in their swimsuits eyeing the hose i'm watering the grass with.
I'm eating [some] meat again. I'm holding hands with a girl on my front porch and laying my head on her shoulder as she grips into me and tells me and reminds me of who I am as we whisper secrets between the drags of her cigarette, a girl I was forbidden [and just waiting] to be friends with out of her ex girlfriends' jealousy issues in the past. I'm spending most of my time in my underwear and a tank top prancing around, painting, cleaning, unpacking, devising cool shit, cooking breakfast food for dinner, drinking beer and pressing my body into his once I've cornered him. Yesterday we both called in sick to work and he watched me apply make-up in the bathroom mirror. He looks me over, sadly. "Whats wrong?" I implore. "Nothing...it's just that...you are so beautiful. You have such a pretty face. I'm so lucky." Which made me swoon as I he's more of an ass man.
I walked down the aisle to "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star. My dad weeped. I laughed and grabbed his arm. I didn't think it would be so easy to have him "give me away". But like I say, we've been getting along. And he had just been released from the hospital the prior day after another emergency heart surgery. The song delayed. I watched everyone stand, cameras braced. I giggled at the alter enough for people to scold me for it later, trying to apologize with facial expressions for forgetting his ring. Thankfully Danny [his best man] has the same size of finger; ten. We danced, ate Mexican food, drank too much white wine, fell on the floor laughing, somehow became best friends with my sisters' boyfriend who I usually can't stand and who wrecked his Bently in a DUI accident later that night, hugged, kissed everyone I could, jumped a fence in my wedding dress and chased after Holly's shoe after she kicked it down the hill, made a fool of myself to all the old Mormon neighbors, looked around frantically for the people I love that didn't show up. Liz didn't come. Matt didn't come. Stef said she wouldn't miss it for the world, but did. Liz allegedly got the dates mixed up, he said nothing. She was at my bachelorette party so I don't get it. Felt disappointed. Realized I needed to move on and be with the people who support me. So kissed them even more. It's nice to not be taken for granted. It's nice to have Mimi tell me she feels cheated when I say she doesn't know me well enough. It's nice to have people participating in my life and vice versa.
I'm happy.