Fart Soup
So you think you know me?
Read on, twinkletoes, read on.
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Who's this lovely lady?
A. Les, a mean, socially-stunted former boss
B. Helen, a bus driver
C. Wes, a salesman for mustache creme
D. Shelley, Professional Children's Entertainer
E. None of the above
What makes this picture so scary?
A. This man's spleen is about to burst
B. This man is an English teacher
C. This man is wearing heels
D. This man is a professional mime
E. This man is only half a man
Of whom does this photo of my beloved dog, Emma, remind me?
A. Richard Simmons
B. Telma Hopkins
C. Nala from The Lion King
D. Jesus
E. Terry McMillan
What's so special about these kids?
A. They came from the ocean
B. They're all Chinese
C. Our president hates them all
D. Their faces look like the backs of their heads
E. I want to adopt each and every one
The photo below demonstrates my hatred for what natural occurrence?
A. PMS
B. Summer
C. Syphillis
D. Obese babies
E. Robots
Which is not a recurring item in Jackie's art?
A. Pubic hair
B. Deformation
C. The Alaskan landscape
D. Ill logic
E. The birthing canal
How did Mary break her leg?
A. While volunteering at the Special Olympics
B. While participating in the Special Olympics
C. While looting a meat distribution truck
D. While dancing in the rain
E. She didn't break her leg - she just walks "funny"
Who is my favorite Golden Girl?
A. Dorothy
B. Blanche
C. Rose
D. Sophia
E. Stan
Which of the following isn't true of Alice's cousin, Homer?
A. He's pursuing a career in law
B. In the picture above, he is seventeen years old
C. He is in an "internet relationship"
D. He's performed interpretive dance for strangers. In a hotel room.
E. He wears jeans
Of the following comedians, who is the most annoying/least talented?
A. Margaret Cho
B. Ant
C. Elayne Boosler
D. Caroline Rhea
E. The cast of Mad TV
Which New York "landmark" do I put the most energy into avoiding at all cost?
A. Mamma Mia
B. The Naked Cowboy
C. The New York Post
D. Chelsea
E. Dr. Zizmor
Will I create another quiz like this one if my job becomes any more demanding?
A. Yes
B. No
C. Carnivore
D. Velcro pajamas
E. Fart soup