venting: be forewarned
This has been a strange week for me in a series of strange weeks. I might be a little depressed. Mostly though I think I am just worn out. It is hard for me to be tired all of the time. I am frustrated with a lot of things and feeling negative, which is not a place I usually hit. Most often I can see the good in just about anything. I feel like I constantly have to choose at my job who I want to piss off. My boss or my volunteers? I can't make everyone happy. I don't have enough time to do everything that they want me to do. It's just not possible. I took a sick day Monday and still worked an extra 10 hours this week. I got home at 11:24 last night from my meeting. The day before I got home at 9:30. I was supposed to see one of my friends tomorrow and I was pretty heartbroken when he cancelled yesterday. I work so many weekends that I tried booking him a month ago. I don't think we had gotten to sit down and have a real uninterrupted conversation with each other in 6 years. I thought that this could be our chance. I have a lot of things that I would like to say to him and now I lost hope that it would ever happen... because I don't think I have it in me to try for the 100th time and get cancelled on at the last minute for the 100th time and he won't make the effort. Maybe he can't. He has a box, that he denies vehemently, but never the less it keeps him rooted to a place that I can't be. I need more than that. I need to be important to someone. When you really want to do something you make it happen. You say 'screw whatever' and you do it. There are not things that come up 2 days before and take precedent.
One last thing that bugs me... My parents left for the entire weekend and did not tell me. They just left a note on the counter. Mind you if I go out for an evening (and still come home that evening) and don't call Mom is highly upset with me. They didn't want me to realize it until it's too late because they don't want me having sex. It bugs me that my boyfriend can't commit and I am still even living with them. (ok, so maybe that is 2 things)
I need to go to bed. Sleepy, crabby girls need their beauty sleep too. I swear I'll find my positive soon.
One last thing that bugs me... My parents left for the entire weekend and did not tell me. They just left a note on the counter. Mind you if I go out for an evening (and still come home that evening) and don't call Mom is highly upset with me. They didn't want me to realize it until it's too late because they don't want me having sex. It bugs me that my boyfriend can't commit and I am still even living with them. (ok, so maybe that is 2 things)
I need to go to bed. Sleepy, crabby girls need their beauty sleep too. I swear I'll find my positive soon.