I should write a song: Oh its 2AM and wim a loser and on LJ, my friends all laugh but i do it anyway
Anyway, musical skills aside; I've been meaning to update for quite awhile.
It seems alot has happened in the past few weeks, if not the past few days. But when I sit here and try to organize my thoughts, it dosent seem quite as epic.
Hmm, where to start?
Well first off, I've found out alot about myself. Belive it or not its true. Some things I kind of knew while others are a bit more of a surprise.
For example, I knew that I enjoyed my job at Sears very much, exactly why, I wouldnt have been able to say. But covering someone's shift in electronis at Target has revealed the awnser. [You'll have to forgive typo's and spelling errors. Its dark and my touch typing skills are not very good] I love selling. Pure and simple. After going through a sale a state of almost euphoric quality embraces me. I feel high (or what I assume feeling high feels like). Target in general stresses me out alot. When I go there I always feel a tinge of dread, and when I leave I feel very tense. If I close (anywhere from 10-12, depending how messy the store is), i often will not be able to sleep until 1am or later. I just cant relax. But when I covered the camera/sound boat (the electronis portion of the store) it was compleatly differnt. I still had to do all the usual stuff I do on the salesfloor (putting away items, facing product helping people ect. ect.) but I felt very relaxed and energized. I didnt make any huge sales. But i did greet a customer and set him up with a TV, dvd player and a few accesories [as well as a target card] before the night was over, and it felt great. I practicly was skipping.
Having a job that you somewhat hate also makes you apperciate life alot more. Im not trying to be snide or sarcastic when I say this, i mean it seincerly. Last week I went on a walk with my mom in the woods (more on mother relations later). And I just felt very at peace with myself. The fact that I was walking, and didnt have a destination was bliss. No CAFS to worry about, no ass-backwards redneck to try to talk to. Nothing. Just peace and the sound of a river. I think im going to try to make a habit of walking/hiking
, hopefully once a week.
I have also come to terms with somethings about myself that I relise I cannot change, I know now that I shouldnt try to be something Im not. This hit home when I was in Psychology, we were arguing the validity of Nature vs Nurture, and Valerga (the teacher) but a small comic on the overhead. It depicted two cutesy devils in hell, fire an all. One said something about his alchoholic father, crackhead mother and growing up in the ghetto being the reason he was in hell. While the other dvil relpied "really? I guess I was just born with bad DNA." Or something like that...
I dont know. I think im going to stop trying to change who I am and be happy.
Things at home have been very nice recently too. For a long time in awhile, Des and I havent fought in days. Things have been very pleasent. Sitting here reflecting, it seems the old saying "Absense makes the heart grow fonder" is true. I often have to work late, and Des will be in bed by the time I get home. Which is very hard on her. So the time we do get together seems speacial. Its almost like when we were first starting dating, we stayed up til' 2AM or later together, either online or sitting in my room (on school days no less), we just cant seem to get enough of eachother.
I think the fact that we both have jobs now really helps. This was the last month we could have kept out apartment with out borrowing money from our parents. So we cut it very close. And soon, Daniel will have a job also, so we can both start building up our delpleated savings accounts again. This month will be tight, there is no doubt. But tight is alright, we're staying out of the red.
My days seem very busy. More so than I belive they have ever been befor. I rarely have time to myself (besides these late night encounters), I often will get up in time to shower and go to school, aftwards I come home and eat then leave for work. I do homework if I have to, or play WoW for an hour or so. Then its off to bed. On my days off I seem to be doing errands and chores. And I dont think I've had a compleate day off since I started working (unless you count easter).
As I mentioned earlyer I'm talking wiht my mom. To those of you who may not know me as well, this is a very huge thing. When we lived together it was a very ugly site when we were in the same room. I just coul;dnt stand the woman. And i wont make it seem like we're suddenly best friends, I still think she is very irrisponisble in many ways, but Marvin has been good for her. We talk semi often, and she has invited me over for various things.
Anouther thing, which may not seem very importent; is I have recently started listening to music again. i think in one of my last entries I talked about spiderbait, but to be honest, I havent found a "new" band in several years. I've been creaming my manties over Modest Mouse. I love them. I also have been listening to an interesting genre of music called "Ambient/Acid Lounge". On a side note, what would all you classify Space channel 5 music as? Its not a good example, but I really really enjoy that style of music. Ive asked around and gotten everything from Funk to New age. A classic riff style would be a bass/guitar bustin out a beat int he backround with some cool drums while a fly/sick organ starts jammin a kickin' solo (how amny other 'hip' terms can I use i wonder?).
Anyway... Music is good.
I've also been feeling more creative lately. I'm working with Drew and Sean on a webseries called EXP. If you want to check it out head over to: www.heroburger.net
There really isnt anything of significance up right now, just a few trailers/sneak peeks. But we almost have our first few episodes scirpted out and are currently figuring out casting and locations. Give me a ring a ling or a ding a shing if your interested in helping. (Please relsise most parts will be confined to moshing in a crowed).
Besides EXP, I've been writing alot lately. I also started going on deviatnart again. bveen playing with photography and light alot. Check it out if you want. Username is Wetdog or w3td0g or something like that...
I also have been looking at colledges, something I've been putting off beacuse, well... frankly I have absolute shit for grades. We're talkin <2.5 So I just didnt want to deal with it. But this semester has been differnt... I have 3 A's and a C. Something I could never befor claim in my life. An honest to god A that lasted for more than a week.
I've been looking at the Art institure of Portland, I want to look into their Digital media classes. Though in all reality I should be looking for stuff in Seattle, cause' Des' has decided to shoot for Digi pen again. [Theres absoultly no fucking way I can get in there].
~ Change gears ~
The only thing I could honestly say that hasent been well recently, is my sleeping habits. This is probably the third or forth night this week where I simply cannot sleep. Tonight I fell asleep around 8, and work up around 11. Laid there for an hour and said fuck it. Im not sure what Im going to do about it. The recent time change certinaly didnt help anything; nor did the fact that yesterday I closed @ target, and had to be there at 7 today. (Which really p'od me, beacuse the store dosent open til' 8). [Though I suppose once I got there I was fine with it... Just something about waking up bitch ass early.]
Hmm, anouther few bad things surface.
Lately I've been noticing that I've been showing alot more dyslexic-esq symptoms than usual. I dont think that I am. But its starting to get annoying. When typing I'll often leave out entire words, or move them around or type the wrong thing. When writing, 'd' and 'b' is something that I have to physicly stop and think about befor I can continue. I just cant seem to get the right one down...
Anouther growing conern is my health. Last summer I couldnt eat anything without feeling extreamly naustioes or having horrible 'stomach problems' later on. These things are starting to come back... with a vengence. Beacuse of this I've been eating less than usual. Which seems to be almost worse. Beacuse it feel very faint/ increadbly irratable. It gets bad... FOr example, if I dont eat breakfest I cannot stand up without nearly blacking out. When working at target, it seems that if i go to long without eating, messing with product on the bottem shelves becomes perilos, beacuse when standing upright, i compleatly lose my balance. I have to grab a shelve to keep from toppling over.
I dont know whats wrong. But it sucks. And to be honest, we dont have the money to see a doctor. There are much much more pressing issues that must be adressed first. I havent really told Des much about this, beacuse theres nothing we can do at the moment and it will only make her worry. [Dont get the wrong picture, she knows it exists. I just havent... embelished.]
I've been writing for nearly half an hour / forty-five minutes now, its almost 3:20 and I do have school tommorow. I dont think i'll suffer too much though, I have tommorow off. weather permiting, I'd like to go walking or flying a kire (des' mom got me one for easter). im thinking of asking Des to go with me, butim not sure if she would want to. She walks alot at work, I doubt she would want to do it on her day off.
This is much more than I anticipated to write... And it feels like I left something out... Hmm. Ah well, I should probably go try to sleep again.
Good night my friends.
Good night.
It seems alot has happened in the past few weeks, if not the past few days. But when I sit here and try to organize my thoughts, it dosent seem quite as epic.
Hmm, where to start?
Well first off, I've found out alot about myself. Belive it or not its true. Some things I kind of knew while others are a bit more of a surprise.
For example, I knew that I enjoyed my job at Sears very much, exactly why, I wouldnt have been able to say. But covering someone's shift in electronis at Target has revealed the awnser. [You'll have to forgive typo's and spelling errors. Its dark and my touch typing skills are not very good] I love selling. Pure and simple. After going through a sale a state of almost euphoric quality embraces me. I feel high (or what I assume feeling high feels like). Target in general stresses me out alot. When I go there I always feel a tinge of dread, and when I leave I feel very tense. If I close (anywhere from 10-12, depending how messy the store is), i often will not be able to sleep until 1am or later. I just cant relax. But when I covered the camera/sound boat (the electronis portion of the store) it was compleatly differnt. I still had to do all the usual stuff I do on the salesfloor (putting away items, facing product helping people ect. ect.) but I felt very relaxed and energized. I didnt make any huge sales. But i did greet a customer and set him up with a TV, dvd player and a few accesories [as well as a target card] before the night was over, and it felt great. I practicly was skipping.
Having a job that you somewhat hate also makes you apperciate life alot more. Im not trying to be snide or sarcastic when I say this, i mean it seincerly. Last week I went on a walk with my mom in the woods (more on mother relations later). And I just felt very at peace with myself. The fact that I was walking, and didnt have a destination was bliss. No CAFS to worry about, no ass-backwards redneck to try to talk to. Nothing. Just peace and the sound of a river. I think im going to try to make a habit of walking/hiking
, hopefully once a week.
I have also come to terms with somethings about myself that I relise I cannot change, I know now that I shouldnt try to be something Im not. This hit home when I was in Psychology, we were arguing the validity of Nature vs Nurture, and Valerga (the teacher) but a small comic on the overhead. It depicted two cutesy devils in hell, fire an all. One said something about his alchoholic father, crackhead mother and growing up in the ghetto being the reason he was in hell. While the other dvil relpied "really? I guess I was just born with bad DNA." Or something like that...
I dont know. I think im going to stop trying to change who I am and be happy.
Things at home have been very nice recently too. For a long time in awhile, Des and I havent fought in days. Things have been very pleasent. Sitting here reflecting, it seems the old saying "Absense makes the heart grow fonder" is true. I often have to work late, and Des will be in bed by the time I get home. Which is very hard on her. So the time we do get together seems speacial. Its almost like when we were first starting dating, we stayed up til' 2AM or later together, either online or sitting in my room (on school days no less), we just cant seem to get enough of eachother.
I think the fact that we both have jobs now really helps. This was the last month we could have kept out apartment with out borrowing money from our parents. So we cut it very close. And soon, Daniel will have a job also, so we can both start building up our delpleated savings accounts again. This month will be tight, there is no doubt. But tight is alright, we're staying out of the red.
My days seem very busy. More so than I belive they have ever been befor. I rarely have time to myself (besides these late night encounters), I often will get up in time to shower and go to school, aftwards I come home and eat then leave for work. I do homework if I have to, or play WoW for an hour or so. Then its off to bed. On my days off I seem to be doing errands and chores. And I dont think I've had a compleate day off since I started working (unless you count easter).
As I mentioned earlyer I'm talking wiht my mom. To those of you who may not know me as well, this is a very huge thing. When we lived together it was a very ugly site when we were in the same room. I just coul;dnt stand the woman. And i wont make it seem like we're suddenly best friends, I still think she is very irrisponisble in many ways, but Marvin has been good for her. We talk semi often, and she has invited me over for various things.
Anouther thing, which may not seem very importent; is I have recently started listening to music again. i think in one of my last entries I talked about spiderbait, but to be honest, I havent found a "new" band in several years. I've been creaming my manties over Modest Mouse. I love them. I also have been listening to an interesting genre of music called "Ambient/Acid Lounge". On a side note, what would all you classify Space channel 5 music as? Its not a good example, but I really really enjoy that style of music. Ive asked around and gotten everything from Funk to New age. A classic riff style would be a bass/guitar bustin out a beat int he backround with some cool drums while a fly/sick organ starts jammin a kickin' solo (how amny other 'hip' terms can I use i wonder?).
Anyway... Music is good.
I've also been feeling more creative lately. I'm working with Drew and Sean on a webseries called EXP. If you want to check it out head over to: www.heroburger.net
There really isnt anything of significance up right now, just a few trailers/sneak peeks. But we almost have our first few episodes scirpted out and are currently figuring out casting and locations. Give me a ring a ling or a ding a shing if your interested in helping. (Please relsise most parts will be confined to moshing in a crowed).
Besides EXP, I've been writing alot lately. I also started going on deviatnart again. bveen playing with photography and light alot. Check it out if you want. Username is Wetdog or w3td0g or something like that...
I also have been looking at colledges, something I've been putting off beacuse, well... frankly I have absolute shit for grades. We're talkin <2.5 So I just didnt want to deal with it. But this semester has been differnt... I have 3 A's and a C. Something I could never befor claim in my life. An honest to god A that lasted for more than a week.
I've been looking at the Art institure of Portland, I want to look into their Digital media classes. Though in all reality I should be looking for stuff in Seattle, cause' Des' has decided to shoot for Digi pen again. [Theres absoultly no fucking way I can get in there].
~ Change gears ~
The only thing I could honestly say that hasent been well recently, is my sleeping habits. This is probably the third or forth night this week where I simply cannot sleep. Tonight I fell asleep around 8, and work up around 11. Laid there for an hour and said fuck it. Im not sure what Im going to do about it. The recent time change certinaly didnt help anything; nor did the fact that yesterday I closed @ target, and had to be there at 7 today. (Which really p'od me, beacuse the store dosent open til' 8). [Though I suppose once I got there I was fine with it... Just something about waking up bitch ass early.]
Hmm, anouther few bad things surface.
Lately I've been noticing that I've been showing alot more dyslexic-esq symptoms than usual. I dont think that I am. But its starting to get annoying. When typing I'll often leave out entire words, or move them around or type the wrong thing. When writing, 'd' and 'b' is something that I have to physicly stop and think about befor I can continue. I just cant seem to get the right one down...
Anouther growing conern is my health. Last summer I couldnt eat anything without feeling extreamly naustioes or having horrible 'stomach problems' later on. These things are starting to come back... with a vengence. Beacuse of this I've been eating less than usual. Which seems to be almost worse. Beacuse it feel very faint/ increadbly irratable. It gets bad... FOr example, if I dont eat breakfest I cannot stand up without nearly blacking out. When working at target, it seems that if i go to long without eating, messing with product on the bottem shelves becomes perilos, beacuse when standing upright, i compleatly lose my balance. I have to grab a shelve to keep from toppling over.
I dont know whats wrong. But it sucks. And to be honest, we dont have the money to see a doctor. There are much much more pressing issues that must be adressed first. I havent really told Des much about this, beacuse theres nothing we can do at the moment and it will only make her worry. [Dont get the wrong picture, she knows it exists. I just havent... embelished.]
I've been writing for nearly half an hour / forty-five minutes now, its almost 3:20 and I do have school tommorow. I dont think i'll suffer too much though, I have tommorow off. weather permiting, I'd like to go walking or flying a kire (des' mom got me one for easter). im thinking of asking Des to go with me, butim not sure if she would want to. She walks alot at work, I doubt she would want to do it on her day off.
This is much more than I anticipated to write... And it feels like I left something out... Hmm. Ah well, I should probably go try to sleep again.
Good night my friends.
Good night.