How Much Of The Tree Blows In The Wind?
it's been 3 years since Jacob died. well, technically 3 years and a day, but i don't live by "normal" 24 hour increments right now. it wasn't a sad day, really. i mean, i did tear up a bit on the air when i played Daisies of the Galaxy last night (Jacob and i had a conversation about that song, although i don't really remember what was said other than that he really liked the song, and so did i). mostly, today has been full of me thinking about Jacob, which isn't a sad thing in and of itself. in fact, i've been pretty happy all day. i attribute this to a number of things:
1) i wrote a new song today, and i'm pretty proud of it
2) i finally got to really play my new guitar and i love it lots
3) i got a new guitar a few days ago
4) Evelyn got the new Bill Callahan record, and i've been listening to that all night
5) i've been pretty stoned/drunk for a good chunk of the day
but i didn't drink and smoke because i felt sad or unhappy. i'm not sad about Jacob because i've come to terms with his death. i think, at least. now it's just a dull sting, an obvious blemish on my otherwise blessed life. and i'm OK with that. i have less shit than most people in their lives, i think. still, in a world so over-populated, i wish that that one more person was still around.
it's weird, because i think that in his death he's had more of an impact of my life than if he hadn't died. and i don't mean any disrespect, it's just that his death caused me to really think about life, more than anything else that's ever happened to/around me. i'll never forget him, he's a bigger and more real part of my life than most people.
there's a lot more i want to say, but i don't know how to put it into words.
1) i wrote a new song today, and i'm pretty proud of it
2) i finally got to really play my new guitar and i love it lots
3) i got a new guitar a few days ago
4) Evelyn got the new Bill Callahan record, and i've been listening to that all night
5) i've been pretty stoned/drunk for a good chunk of the day
but i didn't drink and smoke because i felt sad or unhappy. i'm not sad about Jacob because i've come to terms with his death. i think, at least. now it's just a dull sting, an obvious blemish on my otherwise blessed life. and i'm OK with that. i have less shit than most people in their lives, i think. still, in a world so over-populated, i wish that that one more person was still around.
it's weird, because i think that in his death he's had more of an impact of my life than if he hadn't died. and i don't mean any disrespect, it's just that his death caused me to really think about life, more than anything else that's ever happened to/around me. i'll never forget him, he's a bigger and more real part of my life than most people.
there's a lot more i want to say, but i don't know how to put it into words.