Happy Endings
Of all the people I have met and the obscene things I have seen, I have never met one person that was happy with their life. Every one of them was still waiting for some certain thing. Though the common theme was an escape. Everyone wants to run away and disappear. Life is not what is shown on the big box that glows pictures.
As people we let ourselves be consumed with something that is not fiction. Not real. Not now, not ever.
I cannot stop thinking about this. It is continuously brought up to me, nonintentional. When we hit a certain point in our life where we don't want to be, instead of going left or right, we always go back the way we came. So, we travel through what we already did, getting lost in a maze of Hell. Life in complicated enough, our minds absorb it and just add fuel.
My grandmother has always regreted her life, she has told me a few times. Now that I am older she has been opening up more. Maybe it is because I ask. She is not happy, I don't think she ever was. I have to say she is strong though because until now she has never reverted back. This lady said she wished she never married when she was eighteen, that means that all her history, including me, would be written out. To start over again.
Do we make such mistakes? When is anything a mistake? How do we know? As humans we make up fate to tell ourselves that what is has to be. Simple. Useless and a lie? I am not so sure. It's strengthening.
But I see that m grandmother is reverting back. Very child-like acting.
Honestly I would like to change some things about my past, but what is would not be, so I rather not touch that subject.
I do feel the temptation. For me, I have come a long way with dealing with my problems. And although they are gone, the ghost of feelings, the hatred, anger, pain, it all still lingers. And it creeps up on me. And it feels so nice to feel them again. It is like a poison. And I cannot fall back there again.
I will say this, that whatever we regret we fix. Never regret always experience. As human beings if we do not accept this we will become nothing. We dwell with the "what ifs."
There are so many people out there that will never get their happy ending. That is life. Fairy tales are not reality. Look forward.
Though I jumped around a lot, I hope you get what I was aiming for. My mind is just going wild.
As people we let ourselves be consumed with something that is not fiction. Not real. Not now, not ever.
I cannot stop thinking about this. It is continuously brought up to me, nonintentional. When we hit a certain point in our life where we don't want to be, instead of going left or right, we always go back the way we came. So, we travel through what we already did, getting lost in a maze of Hell. Life in complicated enough, our minds absorb it and just add fuel.
My grandmother has always regreted her life, she has told me a few times. Now that I am older she has been opening up more. Maybe it is because I ask. She is not happy, I don't think she ever was. I have to say she is strong though because until now she has never reverted back. This lady said she wished she never married when she was eighteen, that means that all her history, including me, would be written out. To start over again.
Do we make such mistakes? When is anything a mistake? How do we know? As humans we make up fate to tell ourselves that what is has to be. Simple. Useless and a lie? I am not so sure. It's strengthening.
But I see that m grandmother is reverting back. Very child-like acting.
Honestly I would like to change some things about my past, but what is would not be, so I rather not touch that subject.
I do feel the temptation. For me, I have come a long way with dealing with my problems. And although they are gone, the ghost of feelings, the hatred, anger, pain, it all still lingers. And it creeps up on me. And it feels so nice to feel them again. It is like a poison. And I cannot fall back there again.
I will say this, that whatever we regret we fix. Never regret always experience. As human beings if we do not accept this we will become nothing. We dwell with the "what ifs."
There are so many people out there that will never get their happy ending. That is life. Fairy tales are not reality. Look forward.
Though I jumped around a lot, I hope you get what I was aiming for. My mind is just going wild.