promise to myself, for myself
ok girls, today is the last day i binge and purge ever.
i am freaking done being bullemic. its destroying my body, my sanity and i cant move on with my life while i keep doing it.
ive been stuck in the same place for 5 years, but i am so damn determined now that this is coming to an end. im 21, far too old to keep behaving like an out of control 15 year old, so this is my public statement that i hope will keep me accountable.
im going to post in my journal every day, and i know i can do this. and this time i wont turn to alchohol or drugs instead, im going to start to let myself live instead of trying to be completely infallible.
its trying to be perfect that destroys any attempt i make at moving forward. im going to share my life with my family and friends more. ive been through so much in my life, but in the last 5 years i havent let myself cry infront of anyone. thats going to change. it will be a big shock for my family and friends at first - im miss unemotional 'perfect' barbie, but i can do this. so what if they think im a mess? if someone pisses me off ill tell them so, instead of agreeing with what they just said then going home to binge and purge because im angry and so absolutely terrified of doing what i just agreed to.
im strong, im angry, im damn intelligent, and im sick of being perfect compliant barbie doll eye candy on a mission to please everyone. the only person im going to be accountable to is myself, because im doing this for myself and to hell with whatever anyone else thinks.
whew. ok im done. and so relieved!
i am freaking done being bullemic. its destroying my body, my sanity and i cant move on with my life while i keep doing it.
ive been stuck in the same place for 5 years, but i am so damn determined now that this is coming to an end. im 21, far too old to keep behaving like an out of control 15 year old, so this is my public statement that i hope will keep me accountable.
im going to post in my journal every day, and i know i can do this. and this time i wont turn to alchohol or drugs instead, im going to start to let myself live instead of trying to be completely infallible.
its trying to be perfect that destroys any attempt i make at moving forward. im going to share my life with my family and friends more. ive been through so much in my life, but in the last 5 years i havent let myself cry infront of anyone. thats going to change. it will be a big shock for my family and friends at first - im miss unemotional 'perfect' barbie, but i can do this. so what if they think im a mess? if someone pisses me off ill tell them so, instead of agreeing with what they just said then going home to binge and purge because im angry and so absolutely terrified of doing what i just agreed to.
im strong, im angry, im damn intelligent, and im sick of being perfect compliant barbie doll eye candy on a mission to please everyone. the only person im going to be accountable to is myself, because im doing this for myself and to hell with whatever anyone else thinks.
whew. ok im done. and so relieved!