grumpy bunny
"I am at the Opera
I do not like the Opera
But he loves the Opera,
And I love him ..."
Welcome to my life! Jesus. I went to a folk concert this weekend and one of the women sang that song. I think everyone can relate to that feeling. But with me, it's not about my boyfriend this time. It's about Johanna. And my version goes like this ...
"She is dating Jeremy
I cannot stand Jeremy
But she thinks he's good for her
and we're best friends ..."
So I know I should be supportive and happy for her that she's not dating a homeless, jobless tweaker as has been the pattern. But it's JEREMY. And he does coke! And I found out YESTERDAY that he was doing coke when we were together. Yes, that's right, it's THAT jeremy. I paid $150 to help him stop a nosebleed from hell when we were together. come to find out 2 years later he'd been doing coke! Shit like that pisses me off. And the voices in my head (the voices of reason) sound remarkably like Matthew and Josh and they say, "Corinne. Move on! he's an asshole. let it go" and the voice that sounds like my mother says, "KILL HIM!" Well, you know what they say - mother knows best :o)
Anyway, I guess I was just comfortable not having to hear about him. Out of sight, out of mind, for the most part. And now she talks about him all the time and i don't know how to respond. Also finding things out (still) about what was really going on makes me even more insecure about Matthew. When jeremy and iw ere together, he always acted like he loved me SOO much, but then he'd lie and go behind my back and I never found out about it. It'd be months or even years. And like, Johanna was smoking weed with him (which was this huge thing - I didn't want him smoking weed, and he did behind my back all the time and told me these outrageous lies about how he wasn't really doing it and blah blah blah he loved me blah blah blah) for seriously a year. Looking back, I see a lot of error on both sides and weed obviously isn't as huge of a deal to me now as it was then. although there were obviously other things he wasn't telling me. And his friends... I was this big fucking joke to them, because he did all these things. But then i'd break up with him and he'd cry and like BEG for me to go back to him, even though he wasn't being honest. "Because he was in love with me".
So now I've got this boyfriend who I know likes to smoke weed, which isn't that big of a deal, but who also has done methamphetamines and cocaine while we were together. Right now, he's in work release, and so he can't do drugs, but i worry about him movi ng in and doing things behind my back. Because "he's in love with me". I'm beginning to think 'in love' is just an excuse to try and get away with as much shit as you possibly can. I told him I'm in love with him, and I'm not. I felt so bad saying it, but he thinks he's in love with me. I just didn't want to argue. I'm really scared of it being jeremy all over again.
I could really use a best friend right now ... his phone is disconnected. :-(
I do not like the Opera
But he loves the Opera,
And I love him ..."
Welcome to my life! Jesus. I went to a folk concert this weekend and one of the women sang that song. I think everyone can relate to that feeling. But with me, it's not about my boyfriend this time. It's about Johanna. And my version goes like this ...
"She is dating Jeremy
I cannot stand Jeremy
But she thinks he's good for her
and we're best friends ..."
So I know I should be supportive and happy for her that she's not dating a homeless, jobless tweaker as has been the pattern. But it's JEREMY. And he does coke! And I found out YESTERDAY that he was doing coke when we were together. Yes, that's right, it's THAT jeremy. I paid $150 to help him stop a nosebleed from hell when we were together. come to find out 2 years later he'd been doing coke! Shit like that pisses me off. And the voices in my head (the voices of reason) sound remarkably like Matthew and Josh and they say, "Corinne. Move on! he's an asshole. let it go" and the voice that sounds like my mother says, "KILL HIM!" Well, you know what they say - mother knows best :o)
Anyway, I guess I was just comfortable not having to hear about him. Out of sight, out of mind, for the most part. And now she talks about him all the time and i don't know how to respond. Also finding things out (still) about what was really going on makes me even more insecure about Matthew. When jeremy and iw ere together, he always acted like he loved me SOO much, but then he'd lie and go behind my back and I never found out about it. It'd be months or even years. And like, Johanna was smoking weed with him (which was this huge thing - I didn't want him smoking weed, and he did behind my back all the time and told me these outrageous lies about how he wasn't really doing it and blah blah blah he loved me blah blah blah) for seriously a year. Looking back, I see a lot of error on both sides and weed obviously isn't as huge of a deal to me now as it was then. although there were obviously other things he wasn't telling me. And his friends... I was this big fucking joke to them, because he did all these things. But then i'd break up with him and he'd cry and like BEG for me to go back to him, even though he wasn't being honest. "Because he was in love with me".
So now I've got this boyfriend who I know likes to smoke weed, which isn't that big of a deal, but who also has done methamphetamines and cocaine while we were together. Right now, he's in work release, and so he can't do drugs, but i worry about him movi ng in and doing things behind my back. Because "he's in love with me". I'm beginning to think 'in love' is just an excuse to try and get away with as much shit as you possibly can. I told him I'm in love with him, and I'm not. I felt so bad saying it, but he thinks he's in love with me. I just didn't want to argue. I'm really scared of it being jeremy all over again.
I could really use a best friend right now ... his phone is disconnected. :-(