bleh
The current trend seems to be to put some oh-so-meaningful lyrics in yer oh-so-cool livejournal. I've never been a trendsetter, shrug, I dont decide these things, I just follow em. :
These ideas are nightmares for white parents,
whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings
Like whatever they say has no bearing,
it's so scary in a house that allows no swearing
to see him walking around with his headphones blaring,
alone in his own zone, cold and he don't care
He's a problem child,
and what bothers him all comes out,
when he talks about,
his fuckin' dad walkin' out
cuz he just hates him so bad that he blocks him out.
If he ever saw him again he'd probably knock him out
His thoughts are wacked,
he's mad so he's talkin' back, talkin' black,
brainwashed from rock and rap
He sags his pants, do-rags and a stocking cap,
his step-father hit him, so he socked him back
and broke his nose, his house is a broken home.
There's no control, he just lets his emotions go
Yeah, thats Eminem. He isn't so bad.
I had a moment of clarity the other day in which a certain reality hit me like a ton of bricks. One minute I was sitting in my comfy illusion world of pink floyd and smoke billowing from the stick of incense next to me, not a care on the earth. Next minute I'm in a stupor, thinking.. "What. the. fuck. Where's my dad?"
I've always said it didnt bother me. I dont know if it ever did, or even if it does now. But like.. it has to have affected me.. somehow.. every experience of every day affects how a man perceives and reacts to any given situation or stimulus, biologically and psychologically speaking.. it blows my mind to consider how I'd be different today if I'd had a real father figure o.O Sure, mom's lesbian friend is fine, but totally different, like any step parent. I'd imagine that nobody can replace a biological parent. There is always something thats just not there.
Anyone who knows me, myself at the top of that list, will tell you that you could write a book about things that are wrong with the way I am and still have material to cover. I've always tried to figure these things out and eliminate them, but it's tough sometimes. I'd say I'm decent at identifying basic flaws but quite terrible at identifying their origins. I cant help but wonder if the assorted emotional traumas associated with having no father has contributed to any of my basic stupidities.
More than anything I guess I'm just regretful for what I've missed out on. No playin catch in the yard for Chris. Nobody to teach me how to shave. Nobody to teach me how to pee standing up (no, these arent in order). Nobody to teach me about girls (anybody who makes a motherfucking lesbian joke is getting dropkicked in the face and I'm not even joking). Not that I havent figured everything out on my own alright (except the one about girls, those are still a mystery to me).. it just would be nice to have a figurative hand to hold along the way :(
And then I feel a twinge of anger.. but towards who? My mom? No, she loves me too much.. Beth? no, she's just a dumb lesbo who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I dont like her but this isnt her fault.. my 'dad (using the term loosely ><)?' no, he didnt make my mom a lesbian.. God? I'm not sure if there is one, but if there is, I'm sure he isnt malicious or vengeful. Though if I were god I'd have fun up in the sky taking away kids' dads and laughing at the ensuing hilarity that is their misfortune and shattered adolescences.. not. So there is nobody to be mad at. That makes it even more difficult to deal with.. as the US government has taught us, every issue requires a scapegoat. Maybe I'll blame you, reading this right now. Hey you, I dont have a dad, and you probably do. So fuck you.
These ideas are nightmares for white parents,
whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings
Like whatever they say has no bearing,
it's so scary in a house that allows no swearing
to see him walking around with his headphones blaring,
alone in his own zone, cold and he don't care
He's a problem child,
and what bothers him all comes out,
when he talks about,
his fuckin' dad walkin' out
cuz he just hates him so bad that he blocks him out.
If he ever saw him again he'd probably knock him out
His thoughts are wacked,
he's mad so he's talkin' back, talkin' black,
brainwashed from rock and rap
He sags his pants, do-rags and a stocking cap,
his step-father hit him, so he socked him back
and broke his nose, his house is a broken home.
There's no control, he just lets his emotions go
Yeah, thats Eminem. He isn't so bad.
I had a moment of clarity the other day in which a certain reality hit me like a ton of bricks. One minute I was sitting in my comfy illusion world of pink floyd and smoke billowing from the stick of incense next to me, not a care on the earth. Next minute I'm in a stupor, thinking.. "What. the. fuck. Where's my dad?"
I've always said it didnt bother me. I dont know if it ever did, or even if it does now. But like.. it has to have affected me.. somehow.. every experience of every day affects how a man perceives and reacts to any given situation or stimulus, biologically and psychologically speaking.. it blows my mind to consider how I'd be different today if I'd had a real father figure o.O Sure, mom's lesbian friend is fine, but totally different, like any step parent. I'd imagine that nobody can replace a biological parent. There is always something thats just not there.
Anyone who knows me, myself at the top of that list, will tell you that you could write a book about things that are wrong with the way I am and still have material to cover. I've always tried to figure these things out and eliminate them, but it's tough sometimes. I'd say I'm decent at identifying basic flaws but quite terrible at identifying their origins. I cant help but wonder if the assorted emotional traumas associated with having no father has contributed to any of my basic stupidities.
More than anything I guess I'm just regretful for what I've missed out on. No playin catch in the yard for Chris. Nobody to teach me how to shave. Nobody to teach me how to pee standing up (no, these arent in order). Nobody to teach me about girls (anybody who makes a motherfucking lesbian joke is getting dropkicked in the face and I'm not even joking). Not that I havent figured everything out on my own alright (except the one about girls, those are still a mystery to me).. it just would be nice to have a figurative hand to hold along the way :(
And then I feel a twinge of anger.. but towards who? My mom? No, she loves me too much.. Beth? no, she's just a dumb lesbo who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I dont like her but this isnt her fault.. my 'dad (using the term loosely ><)?' no, he didnt make my mom a lesbian.. God? I'm not sure if there is one, but if there is, I'm sure he isnt malicious or vengeful. Though if I were god I'd have fun up in the sky taking away kids' dads and laughing at the ensuing hilarity that is their misfortune and shattered adolescences.. not. So there is nobody to be mad at. That makes it even more difficult to deal with.. as the US government has taught us, every issue requires a scapegoat. Maybe I'll blame you, reading this right now. Hey you, I dont have a dad, and you probably do. So fuck you.