I need to vent.
I originally posted this in my Facebook, but post it here since there’s less judgment.
It bites ass being an only child. I really wish I had a sibling. Someone I could turn too to say, "it's your turn to take Mum, I can't keep doing this. I need time for myself." And at least someone to talk to about this. I realize that having siblings in situations such as this can be just as useless, but when there isn’t anyone around to help with the burden when one is alone, it’s twice as hard. I've looked into support groups and was plainly told, "too bad, your problem is not that great, so basically you'll have to suck it up."
Well....I can't keep doing this. I really can't and I don't have any help and she won't take the initiative to ask one of her many friends to help take her to her appointments. I can't keep doing this. I have very little time to arrange appointments for my own family (I lost count on how many times I've had to reschedule appointments because her doctors/therapists are NOT willing to reschedule for when it's actually convenient) and telling her that it's interfering with my well being. And before anyone mentions on Access-A-Bus (to take her where she needs to go), I've already inquired - there's a waitlist and I haven't the money to pay for taxis or the money to hire someone to drive her around. And taxis refuse to take her, because the drivers don't want to be responsible for her and her walker. She's receiving Continuing Care now 3 times (down from 5 ) a week and as it is she bosses the workers around.
This whole event (and more) has been taking a toll on my mental health, but hey, why should that bother anyone, let alone her (and I've mentioned it to her and it falls on deaf ears). Saying "NO" doesn't work either. Ignoring would be the solution, but she'd just keep calling and there's no way I'm in a position to change phone numbers (another added expense).
So here I am, yeah, I know tmi....and kvetching about the same damn thing, but what am I to do?
I also post this, because some on my FB friends list my neighbours who live near my old place, know Mum. I was asking that they please do not repeat anything that I have said. I realize that fb is pretty much an open forum, and anyone can read it, but I don’t need anyone getting the being on the receiving end from her spite. And yes, she can be spiteful, especially when I’ve sat down with her and explained that she’s going to need more help than I can provide. For example, back after Dad had his stroke June 10, 2010 and she started this verbal barrage on how I was going to leave her with nothing when Dad went into a nursing home, that she could take care of him and have the Province pay her (info that one of her friends gave her), but was neither qualified or trained to do and demanded me to tell her everything that I post in my FB (even the random memes and dirty jokes), because she had to know everything and it didn’t matter if I’m an adult or not- basically censoring me. Naturally I refused. It was my page and no one was being threatened, harassed or was against the TOS.
A few hours ago I had someone (who’s not on Facebook, but is somehow an acquaintance of a friend of hers) email me informing that I am an ungrateful daughter and should be ashamed of myself for venting. I have no rights. I don’t even have the right to complain and that I’m supposed to be a servant (in a matter of speaking). I promptly replied informing this person the true situation and reminded this person, that I, like others have just as much right as anyone - my mother included to be able to deal with my own health unimpeded. So, if getting angry at the fact that my health is having to take a backseat is wrong, then boy am I ever wrong. Because in my closing (in the email) I stated, that if I can’t take care of me and something happens, who’s going to help look after me and ‘my’ dependent family members? Not them, that’s for sure
I wasn’t implying that anyone would, but I shouldn’t have to censor myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
It bites ass being an only child. I really wish I had a sibling. Someone I could turn too to say, "it's your turn to take Mum, I can't keep doing this. I need time for myself." And at least someone to talk to about this. I realize that having siblings in situations such as this can be just as useless, but when there isn’t anyone around to help with the burden when one is alone, it’s twice as hard. I've looked into support groups and was plainly told, "too bad, your problem is not that great, so basically you'll have to suck it up."
Well....I can't keep doing this. I really can't and I don't have any help and she won't take the initiative to ask one of her many friends to help take her to her appointments. I can't keep doing this. I have very little time to arrange appointments for my own family (I lost count on how many times I've had to reschedule appointments because her doctors/therapists are NOT willing to reschedule for when it's actually convenient) and telling her that it's interfering with my well being. And before anyone mentions on Access-A-Bus (to take her where she needs to go), I've already inquired - there's a waitlist and I haven't the money to pay for taxis or the money to hire someone to drive her around. And taxis refuse to take her, because the drivers don't want to be responsible for her and her walker. She's receiving Continuing Care now 3 times (down from 5 ) a week and as it is she bosses the workers around.
This whole event (and more) has been taking a toll on my mental health, but hey, why should that bother anyone, let alone her (and I've mentioned it to her and it falls on deaf ears). Saying "NO" doesn't work either. Ignoring would be the solution, but she'd just keep calling and there's no way I'm in a position to change phone numbers (another added expense).
So here I am, yeah, I know tmi....and kvetching about the same damn thing, but what am I to do?
I also post this, because some on my FB friends list my neighbours who live near my old place, know Mum. I was asking that they please do not repeat anything that I have said. I realize that fb is pretty much an open forum, and anyone can read it, but I don’t need anyone getting the being on the receiving end from her spite. And yes, she can be spiteful, especially when I’ve sat down with her and explained that she’s going to need more help than I can provide. For example, back after Dad had his stroke June 10, 2010 and she started this verbal barrage on how I was going to leave her with nothing when Dad went into a nursing home, that she could take care of him and have the Province pay her (info that one of her friends gave her), but was neither qualified or trained to do and demanded me to tell her everything that I post in my FB (even the random memes and dirty jokes), because she had to know everything and it didn’t matter if I’m an adult or not- basically censoring me. Naturally I refused. It was my page and no one was being threatened, harassed or was against the TOS.
A few hours ago I had someone (who’s not on Facebook, but is somehow an acquaintance of a friend of hers) email me informing that I am an ungrateful daughter and should be ashamed of myself for venting. I have no rights. I don’t even have the right to complain and that I’m supposed to be a servant (in a matter of speaking). I promptly replied informing this person the true situation and reminded this person, that I, like others have just as much right as anyone - my mother included to be able to deal with my own health unimpeded. So, if getting angry at the fact that my health is having to take a backseat is wrong, then boy am I ever wrong. Because in my closing (in the email) I stated, that if I can’t take care of me and something happens, who’s going to help look after me and ‘my’ dependent family members? Not them, that’s for sure
I wasn’t implying that anyone would, but I shouldn’t have to censor myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore.