Fanfiction for dummies - cheat list
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Fanfiction for dummies - cheat list
V.1.0
As we all know, writing is fun. Unfortunately, there are some people (they know who they are) that tend to stand between a young fanfic writer and their fun, taking pleasure in harassing and intimidating the new talent with obnoxious demands that they dare to post all over the internet. They call those atrocious pieces of writing - you wouldn't believe it - reviews. But no worries, their rule is over. Nothing should stand between you and your fun. Using my small guide you'll be able to eliminate all the major obstacles that stand in your way as a writer.
- Choice of fandom and pairing. This should be obvious. Choosing one of the most popular fandoms will instantly give you a large fan base. Which means more reviews. Likewise, out of all possible pairings, the most popular is the way to go. Honestly, Harry/Draco junkies, for instance, have come to expect one new completed fic a day for a fix. So believe me, your fic will be expected. Besides, with such a popular pairing you can always find out what people like or dislike, no need to reinvent the wheel, all the ideas are for you to take. And if someone complain that you're not original, well, you're writing fanfiction, aren't you? Besides, according to Borges, there are only seven basic plots, so originality is optional.
- Your pairing can do no wrong. They can cheat and betray other people, but as long as they love each over, everything will be fine. True love trumps it all, including the complains about OOC. And those who don't get it... poor sods, they've never loved.
- There will be characters you dislike. Especially the ones that stand on the way of your pairing. It's normal. If you have a problem with a particular character, you can always solve by making a character to kick puppies. After all, it always good to let the steam off. People with similar psychological problems will appreciate it. Others will call it character bashing, but who cares about these losers?
- Your heart might be bleeding for a certain villain. (I know, if I cared for the hottie who'd played him, mine would too.) That's an easy one. Only true love converts a puppy kicker into puppy lover (Halt, halt, not in that sense...oops, too late.) Well, such a serious conversion might require a strong OC to do the trick, a canon character may not be enough. Make sure your OC is perfect. And if anyone says anything about MarySue, spit in their faces. Again, those, who don't know the power of true love, won't get it. Like I said, losers.
- Kinks can fit all the characters. It really doesn't matter if the character is a shy underage virgin. Your kink is BDSM. As long as your character looks good in harness, go ahead. There must be someone else who'd also find it cute. The rest of the folks, chill out, it's a kink. Kinks are off limits.
- You may find out that the fandom is sensitive about certain issues, homosexuality being one of the examples. If you're uncomfortable about it, but still want to fit in (and I cannot blame you for wanting to do a popular pairing), there are easy tricks that you can apply. Genderswap - would be the one. You can just randomly change the character's gender and your pairing will become instantly socially acceptable. Another good way is to introduce a twin sister of the best looking character around. Then you can pair her up with anyone you want.
- Conflict is unnecessary. You love the characters, right? You don't wanna hurt them, do you hear me? Keep that in mind.
- However if you want angst, it's not all that difficult at all. The quickest way to introduce angst is to rape, abuse, or molest the character if he is young. Of course, you need to pick the character who does the abuse. Not anyone would fit. There's an easy solution. Remember that stoic guy who always seems to save your hero's ass and doesn't talk much? That's totally him. You know what those quiet types are capable of? So do your readers. Believe me, they won't be disappointed.
- Another good way to bring some class into your writing is to use some popular song in your fic. You know, these songs are popular for a reason. So include it in your fic and it's gonna be a smashing success. And it will also boost your word count, isn't it marvelous?
- Research is optional. You're protected by the artistic license. After all, don't forget, your canon is fictional. That means it was totally made up by someone. I see no reason why you cannot let your imagination running free. Besides, your readers, sharing the similar educational background, probably won't notice anyway.
- Setting and descriptions are optional as well. Between you and me, we know they are hard. So totally not worth sweating. After all most of your story could be happening absolutely anywhere. So don't sweat, your readers will will just have to fill the gaps on their own. And if they can't, too bad, not everyone has a vivid imagination, so they'll have to suffer.
- It's always cool to include the phrases from other languages in your fic. People will think you're good with foreign languages and give you points. It's a quick and easy way to gain respect of the people in the fandom. Which words to use? That's should be an easy choice. Try to use the ones that are unique to that language like father, mother, sister... They are so special, you can never translate them right.
- If you want to for real exotic feel, consider using foreign endearments. After all, each and every bilingual character would use endearments common in his or her first language in the context of the second language. If you don't know what I meant by that, don't worry, and go straight to Little_details. They'll give you a few examples that would make native speakers of the language in question cringe, but who cares, no one died of cultural appropriation in fandom.
- Don't listen to those who tell you bad things about using epithets. Repetitive names and pronouns are repetitive, so if you call you character ten different ways, by all means do it. And if someone can't follow, well, their problem.
- Same thing applies to the word "said". What a boring word, please think of alternatives. For some reason people insist on using simple words when they can use rare and beautiful ones. For instance, instead of "orbs", they want to use plain "eyes". What can I say? Simpletons.
- In general, it's not necessary to pay attention to the proper grammar. You're not going to get graded and it won't affect your GPA. Honestly it won't. Ignore those who tell you otherwise. It's just fanfiction. Nothing should stand between you and you fun.
- It's not necessary to finish your work. Not finishing wouldn't make your story any worse, so if you don't know how to proceed, you can always drop the fic you're doing, and start a new one. And if someone feels disappointed, they are just morons who don't understand that you have REAL LIFE and your muse just walked away on you. In fact, it's their fault that you muse has left. If they just didn't leave you all those reviews about wishing to see a new chapter... Totally their fault. Nothing to worry, someday it'll happen to them.
- A new smushy name for a pairing is always good way to attract attention. People would think how creative you are and complement you. Instant win. Double points, if you write for StarTrek. Trekkies love smushy names. With passion.
- Warnings... This is a truly controversial issue. On one hand you need to warn about them, because it will cut your negative reviews at least in half. So someone still doesn't like your fic, it's not your problem. Some idiots just can't read warnings. And if people still complain about OOC, it's worth repeating: some idiots just can't read warnings. Relax, it's totally not your problem. But on the other hand, warnings will spoil your story. If you wanted to surprise your readers with mpreg of watersports, a warning will ruin it for your readers. You don't want to give important plot points away. So use with caution.
- Summaries are tough, no doubt. If you look at the summaries at your favorite archive site, you'll see lots of people accepting that they suck at summaries. This is very honest of them. Imagine how hard it must be to admit their own limitations. Respect to them. But what if you're not that brave? No problem. Just take the first line of your fic, or any random line from the middle, et voila! The problem solved! And if anyone says, try harder, you can always tell them to STFU. You're not going to try harder, you're having fun. Is that a difficult concept to understand?
And remember, you're not alone in the fandom. There are plenty of others who are just like you, who would always give support, attention, and unconditional agreement when you complain about your idiot reviewers. There's just one place to beware - fanficrants. Because if you think your reviewers are horrible, those people are just beyond all limits.
To summarize the above, you can more or less throw everything they ever said about creative writing out of the window, because it always makes things less fun.
Oh, almost forgot... Don't like, don't read.
Edit: As you can see, it's a WIP, so ideas and contributions are welcome.
Fanfiction for dummies - cheat list
V.1.0
As we all know, writing is fun. Unfortunately, there are some people (they know who they are) that tend to stand between a young fanfic writer and their fun, taking pleasure in harassing and intimidating the new talent with obnoxious demands that they dare to post all over the internet. They call those atrocious pieces of writing - you wouldn't believe it - reviews. But no worries, their rule is over. Nothing should stand between you and your fun. Using my small guide you'll be able to eliminate all the major obstacles that stand in your way as a writer.
- Choice of fandom and pairing. This should be obvious. Choosing one of the most popular fandoms will instantly give you a large fan base. Which means more reviews. Likewise, out of all possible pairings, the most popular is the way to go. Honestly, Harry/Draco junkies, for instance, have come to expect one new completed fic a day for a fix. So believe me, your fic will be expected. Besides, with such a popular pairing you can always find out what people like or dislike, no need to reinvent the wheel, all the ideas are for you to take. And if someone complain that you're not original, well, you're writing fanfiction, aren't you? Besides, according to Borges, there are only seven basic plots, so originality is optional.
- Your pairing can do no wrong. They can cheat and betray other people, but as long as they love each over, everything will be fine. True love trumps it all, including the complains about OOC. And those who don't get it... poor sods, they've never loved.
- There will be characters you dislike. Especially the ones that stand on the way of your pairing. It's normal. If you have a problem with a particular character, you can always solve by making a character to kick puppies. After all, it always good to let the steam off. People with similar psychological problems will appreciate it. Others will call it character bashing, but who cares about these losers?
- Your heart might be bleeding for a certain villain. (I know, if I cared for the hottie who'd played him, mine would too.) That's an easy one. Only true love converts a puppy kicker into puppy lover (Halt, halt, not in that sense...oops, too late.) Well, such a serious conversion might require a strong OC to do the trick, a canon character may not be enough. Make sure your OC is perfect. And if anyone says anything about MarySue, spit in their faces. Again, those, who don't know the power of true love, won't get it. Like I said, losers.
- Kinks can fit all the characters. It really doesn't matter if the character is a shy underage virgin. Your kink is BDSM. As long as your character looks good in harness, go ahead. There must be someone else who'd also find it cute. The rest of the folks, chill out, it's a kink. Kinks are off limits.
- You may find out that the fandom is sensitive about certain issues, homosexuality being one of the examples. If you're uncomfortable about it, but still want to fit in (and I cannot blame you for wanting to do a popular pairing), there are easy tricks that you can apply. Genderswap - would be the one. You can just randomly change the character's gender and your pairing will become instantly socially acceptable. Another good way is to introduce a twin sister of the best looking character around. Then you can pair her up with anyone you want.
- Conflict is unnecessary. You love the characters, right? You don't wanna hurt them, do you hear me? Keep that in mind.
- However if you want angst, it's not all that difficult at all. The quickest way to introduce angst is to rape, abuse, or molest the character if he is young. Of course, you need to pick the character who does the abuse. Not anyone would fit. There's an easy solution. Remember that stoic guy who always seems to save your hero's ass and doesn't talk much? That's totally him. You know what those quiet types are capable of? So do your readers. Believe me, they won't be disappointed.
- Another good way to bring some class into your writing is to use some popular song in your fic. You know, these songs are popular for a reason. So include it in your fic and it's gonna be a smashing success. And it will also boost your word count, isn't it marvelous?
- Research is optional. You're protected by the artistic license. After all, don't forget, your canon is fictional. That means it was totally made up by someone. I see no reason why you cannot let your imagination running free. Besides, your readers, sharing the similar educational background, probably won't notice anyway.
- Setting and descriptions are optional as well. Between you and me, we know they are hard. So totally not worth sweating. After all most of your story could be happening absolutely anywhere. So don't sweat, your readers will will just have to fill the gaps on their own. And if they can't, too bad, not everyone has a vivid imagination, so they'll have to suffer.
- It's always cool to include the phrases from other languages in your fic. People will think you're good with foreign languages and give you points. It's a quick and easy way to gain respect of the people in the fandom. Which words to use? That's should be an easy choice. Try to use the ones that are unique to that language like father, mother, sister... They are so special, you can never translate them right.
- If you want to for real exotic feel, consider using foreign endearments. After all, each and every bilingual character would use endearments common in his or her first language in the context of the second language. If you don't know what I meant by that, don't worry, and go straight to Little_details. They'll give you a few examples that would make native speakers of the language in question cringe, but who cares, no one died of cultural appropriation in fandom.
- Don't listen to those who tell you bad things about using epithets. Repetitive names and pronouns are repetitive, so if you call you character ten different ways, by all means do it. And if someone can't follow, well, their problem.
- Same thing applies to the word "said". What a boring word, please think of alternatives. For some reason people insist on using simple words when they can use rare and beautiful ones. For instance, instead of "orbs", they want to use plain "eyes". What can I say? Simpletons.
- In general, it's not necessary to pay attention to the proper grammar. You're not going to get graded and it won't affect your GPA. Honestly it won't. Ignore those who tell you otherwise. It's just fanfiction. Nothing should stand between you and you fun.
- It's not necessary to finish your work. Not finishing wouldn't make your story any worse, so if you don't know how to proceed, you can always drop the fic you're doing, and start a new one. And if someone feels disappointed, they are just morons who don't understand that you have REAL LIFE and your muse just walked away on you. In fact, it's their fault that you muse has left. If they just didn't leave you all those reviews about wishing to see a new chapter... Totally their fault. Nothing to worry, someday it'll happen to them.
- A new smushy name for a pairing is always good way to attract attention. People would think how creative you are and complement you. Instant win. Double points, if you write for StarTrek. Trekkies love smushy names. With passion.
- Warnings... This is a truly controversial issue. On one hand you need to warn about them, because it will cut your negative reviews at least in half. So someone still doesn't like your fic, it's not your problem. Some idiots just can't read warnings. And if people still complain about OOC, it's worth repeating: some idiots just can't read warnings. Relax, it's totally not your problem. But on the other hand, warnings will spoil your story. If you wanted to surprise your readers with mpreg of watersports, a warning will ruin it for your readers. You don't want to give important plot points away. So use with caution.
- Summaries are tough, no doubt. If you look at the summaries at your favorite archive site, you'll see lots of people accepting that they suck at summaries. This is very honest of them. Imagine how hard it must be to admit their own limitations. Respect to them. But what if you're not that brave? No problem. Just take the first line of your fic, or any random line from the middle, et voila! The problem solved! And if anyone says, try harder, you can always tell them to STFU. You're not going to try harder, you're having fun. Is that a difficult concept to understand?
And remember, you're not alone in the fandom. There are plenty of others who are just like you, who would always give support, attention, and unconditional agreement when you complain about your idiot reviewers. There's just one place to beware - fanficrants. Because if you think your reviewers are horrible, those people are just beyond all limits.
To summarize the above, you can more or less throw everything they ever said about creative writing out of the window, because it always makes things less fun.
Oh, almost forgot... Don't like, don't read.
Edit: As you can see, it's a WIP, so ideas and contributions are welcome.