A fact is not the truth until you love it

[west_side]

A fact is not the truth until you love it. I don't remember how exactly this phrase got stuck in my head, but it pops up to the surface, every time FFR goes into virgin smut frenzy

Comments

[kazaera]

I wind up taking those rants very personally because I'm asexual. Even if I have sex, unless my sexuality spontaneously changes I will *never* have the experiences the ranter is thinking of, will *never* connect the emotions with sex that most of the characters I write about do. Does this mean I can't write sex? Hell no. It just means I do a bit of extrapolating from emotions I do have and other stuff I've read about people's reactions to the subject and then do my very best to get inside the character's heads.

I should probably just dismiss it as "hey, yet another stupid person here," but I have trouble doing that. It's not even the "you cannot write about X experience without having had it!" narrowmindedness that really gets to me, it's the assumption that there is only *one* way to feel about X experience, that *their* experience = *everyone's*. This is precisely the shit I run afoul of a lot in RL because my experience of things often tends to be rather different from the norm (asexuality being just one example) and having people just... deny that this is possible because clearly their experience = fact and truth for everyone in existence is something I could really do without.

At least I can be happy about the fact that chances are my writing is far more emotionally realistic than theirs, because I have *thought* about the characters and how they would react and what emotions they might experience instead of just blindly generalising my own, and as you point out emotional realism is really key. I'll forgive a lot if the characters ring true, whereas if it's OOC not even the most painstaking research will save it.

[akashathekitty]

I totally agree! It's just so stupid, because... (SUPER TMI TIME)

I've had sex. (Yeah, big surprise, that.) With more than one guy. I've had sex with someone I was in love with and with someone I wasn't, with someone I was in a relationship with and with someone where it was just for the night.

Now, the casual thing? Where I didn't care about the guy? NOT MY THING AT ALL! I felt awful and there was no enjoyment to be had from it and I decided that I wasn't going to do it again ever. There was no mental connection and no big physical connection, and I think the guy sensed I wasn't really into it, because it just got overall bad.

But if I write a one-night-stand PWP? I'm not likely to do it like that. It'll most likely be hot and spontaneous and it will rub all of the right spots for everyone (hey, you never know) involved.

So, in effect, I actively disregard the experiences I've had in order to write what I'll consider good smut. And I'll even be convinced that some people actually have good one-night-stands out in the real life. :P And I certainly know that there are people out there perfectly capable of casual sex and Friends With Benefits and what have you -- I just need more personally.

A lot of what I write is like that example. I actively change or completely disregard my own experiences. It doesn't matter as long as I create a believable reaction from the character who is not me. It's called imagination. Even asexuals and women that are just not into one-night-stands in their real lives have that. And, like you say, thinking about it is better than blindly assuming, anyway.

So, tl;dr: we rock. ;)