Jenny had Two Mommies
My son has two moms. It is crazy for most people to think of. He has no real father, but two moms.
I go back and forth between wanting to be his mother and wanting to be an aunt or someone with no responsibility.
We are thinking of having another, which is surreal for me. Sometimes I think I'm going to loose my mind again.
And then, I don't want to have a baby around. But I've been doing so well. Is it too much to think Im going to jinx it, by adding some more stress. I'm finally actually thinking of going back to work. I am going to school online and I'm starting to feel like I did before my diagnosis. I used to be happy. I used to be bubbly and sweet. i used to be a whole different person. It is kind of hard to have lost that.
I'm starting to write a book. And it is pretty good. i wish I could be a famous writer some day. BUt like anything, we all have our pipe dreams. I don't even have friends to share it with. I don't know how to make friends anymore. I lost the ability. Somewhere in between my brother's suicide/murder pact and my son being born. I lost a whole chunk of time. ANd I feel completely unfamiliar with those basic things, that everyone knows. THings that everyone thinks is normally and ordinary.
Life is a crazy place with ups and downs, twists and turns, and yet, I feel like im going through the whole thing upside down and inside out.