The Hyperion Hotel | Los Angeles, CA | Monday Morning Fandom Time
Now, a week might have gone by in Fandom time since Angel's son's birth, but for Wesley and the rest of the Angel Investigations team, it had only been two days.
Over the course of those two days, Lorne had moved in (something about his club being firebombed as a result of the eighteenth-century vampire hunter who wanted to kill them all), quite a few groups had continued to seek after the baby in order to kill him or eat him or whatever it was that such groups did, and Angel had proved persistently unwilling to let anyone else so much as hold him.
Wesley
Somehow the baby's birth had led to things like Wesley having to knock on the door to his own office. Sigh.
"Angel, we could use your help when you're finished changing the baby -- who is being changed on my desk."
Even better.
Angel
"Sorry," Angel said, and to his credit, he actually sounded maybe twenty percent sorry. "I needed the space."
Wesley
"Well," Wes said, "seeing as you once nearly had sex on my desk, I shouldn't be surprised that now there is a baby on it."
He thought he was hilarious.
Angel
"Hey!" Angel objected. "First of all, that wasn't me, that was some guy who switched bodies with me. And second of all--" he made a show of covering his son's ears-- "can we keep the S-E-X talk away from the baby?"
Clearly this child was going to live a sheltered life. What with, you know, all the violence and murder that went on around him.
Wesley
Wesley rather agreed with that narrative there, but didn't comment. Instead he took a few steps forward, picking up the package of diapers along the way. "Do you need help?"
Angel
"Uh, no, Wes, I know how to change a diaper," Angel replied, then amended relucantly, "a normal one, with pins. It's these newfangled fasteners."
Wesley
Briefly distracted by the claims on the diapers' packaging, Wesley mused aloud, "Did you know these diapers are lined with a space-age material originally designed for NASA astronauts? Interesting."
Beat.
"Though now I'm picturing grown men wearing nappies and I'm rather disturbed."
Angel
Angel didn't see as put off, but then, Angel also didn't seem to be listening. "Okay," he said triumphantly, "Got it."
Then to the baby, he cooed, "You're all ready, aren't you? Aren't you?"
He rolled up the garbage into a ball, tucked his son into the blanket, and handed Wesley the used diaper before Wes could protest.
"Right," he said, striding out of the room and examining the makeshift conference room the others had set up in the lobby. Which mostly meant they'd borrowed a whiteboard from the preschool across the street and were now using it to keep track of enemies who had expressed an interest in killing or otherwise harming the baby. "How's the list coming along?"
Wesley
Ugh, used diaper. Wesley deposited it on a countertop as they entered the lobby. Maybe Cordy would know what to do with it.
"We've divided it into two categories," he announced, stepping toward the whiteboard and gesturing to the two-column system they'd set up there. "Column one: groups or individuals that we know pose a threat to the baby. Holtz, Wolfram and Hart, the vampire cult that attacked us at the hospital."
Charmers, all of them.
"Column two," he continued, "are those who could pose a threat once they get wind of the baby."
Column two was much longer.
Angel
Angel read over the second column, nodding at some of the names (The Scourge, Piper Beast...) before tilting his head somewhat at the ones toward the bottom.
"Order of Phillius, Beltar the Cremator... Frank?"
Gunn
"Local mobster," Gunn supplied. "Specializes in kidnapping."
Angel
Just then, Angel was distracted by the fact that the baby was suddenly crying. "What, what, what is it?" he asked, tilting his son in his arms to better see what could be the matter. "What is it? You can't be wet again, I just changed you. Are you hungry? I got a bottle all ready for you."
He flailed around for it for a bit, as much as he ever flailed, before Cordy handed it to him and Angel offered it to the baby with some satisfaction. "Okay. Here's your bottle. Take it. Come on, just like this, okay?" He demonstrated, but the baby was having none of it. "Come on. Please?"
Gunn
"Angel, why don't you let me take him for a little while?" Gunn offered, partly because he wanted to help and partly because... well, he wanted to make some progress in this meeting here. He had places to be. "I helped raise my cousin since she was about a week old."
Angel
Angel shook his head. "I-- I can handle it," he insisted.
He turned his attention toward the list for a moment, while still paying enough attention to the baby to refocus on him at a moment's notice. "Okay, so we've got a list," he said. "Now all we've got to do is erase everyone on it."
Fred
"I can take care of that for you," Fred volunteered cheerily, taking the eraser and getting to work on the first few names.
When she spotted Cordy shaking her head, Fred deflated. "Oh. You meant 'erase' in a squish-and-kill, violent kind of way. I'll just put that back."
Lorne
Just then, a blue flash lit up the lobby, and Lorne, in his default hangover-wear of a pair of sunglasses and what might or might not be a shawl over his suit, strode into the lobby.
"Oh, just listening to those Furies gives me whiplash!" he declared. "Thank god they finally left. My head was about to pop off. Which, granted, not that big a deal."
Oh, Pylea.
Wesley
"That flash was their spell kicking in?" Wes checked. You could never be sure around these parts. There could be two mystical things going on at once.
Lorne
"Yeah, they put a forcefield over the entire hotel," Lorne confirmed. "No one can get in or out."
So hopefully they didn't all get really, really sick of each other?
Fred
"So the baby's safe?" Fred checked. "We're all safe. Right, Lorne? I mean, unless one of those killers decides to throw in a firebomb in at us like they did at your club, which had a similar safety spell around it as I recall."
Ahem.
"Sorry."
Angel
"She's right," Angel agreed, looking up from the baby. "We won't be safe here for long."
Lorne
"Well, we can get out if we have to," Lorne amended. "I installed an emergency exit down in the sewers. Mystical barrier, opens and closes with a password."
He grinned at Fred. "Pylean word for hedgehog."
Cordelia
"Well, we'll need to use it," Cordy piped up. "The baby needs to see a doctor."
Angel
"What?" Angel demanded. "He's not sick! Does he look sick?"
Cordelia
"No," said Cordy, "but he needs his newborn checkup. The baby book says that he's supposed to have a vitamin K shot and a PKU test after he's born. And -- are you gonna circumcise?"
Gunn
When the baby let out a shriek, Gunn hissed, "I think he heard you."
Lorne
"Speaking of hearing things," Lorne said, cupping a hand around his ear and glancing up, "are there any fluorescent lights in here? I keep hearing this hum. Plus, fluorescent -- green light, green skin -- it's all bad."
When no one replied, he said, "I'll take the blank stares as a big fat no."
Angel
"Gunn?" Angel said, glancing up. "I'm in a war here. I'm gonna need some serious firepower."
Gunn
"You mean something beyond swords and spears?"
Angel
"Way beyond," Angel confirmed.
Gunn
"I know some guys," Gunn said. "Leave it to me."
Angel
"Thanks," said Angel. Then to Fred, "I need you to source the websites offering money for the baby. Find where they're coming from, and who's behind them if you can."
Fred
"Okay," said Fred, "but it looks like they're using re-mailers. Which means there's no direct ID, which means it could take a little time, so..."
Angel
"We don't have a little time."
More helpful encouragement from Angel, ladies and gentlemen.
"Are those all the names up there on the board?"
Wesley
"We're working on some other leads," said Wes. Then more firmly, he said, "We all want the same thing, Angel. We're doing the best we can."
Angel
"Do better," Angel retorted at once, not taking his eyes off his son. "I promised his mother. No one is gonna put their hands on this child. No one."
That night, Angel was still anxious and refusing to let anyone else watch or touch the baby. Fred pulled an all-nighter in the office with Gunn for company as he came in with batches of weapons every few hours before leaving again, while Wesley and Cordelia did their work upstairs, each of them uncomfortable with the noise of the baby crying but aware that Angel didn't want any help.
Then in the morning, Lorne slipped Angel a piece of paper offhandedly, and their whole approach changed.
Angel
"Wolfram and Hart's bugged the place," Angel announced as soon as he, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and the baby were all somewhere private -- in this case, the most abandoned of the sewer tunnels. (Fred and Lorne had stayed upstairs in full view of one of the cameras, where they were presumably discussing Pylean syntax structure or something to that effect.) "We're being watched. Lorne told me."
Wesley
"But how did he..." Oh. Oh. "His mysterious humming noise," Wesley realized. "The fluorescent lighting that we don't have."
Cordelia
"But how did they get in?" Cordy asked. "That Gavin guy was the last one who came around, wasn't he? He didn't exactly go around planting cameras."
Gunn
"No," Gunn said, "but that don't mean there hasn't been a team of strangers in here with tools since then."
When everyone else looked at him, he elaborated, "Those exterminators who came by the night Cordy's visions were going haywire. How much you wanna bet those were Wolfram and Hart goons?"
Wesley
"It's very likely, I'm afraid," Wesley agreed. "We're so behind in public hotel code regulations that I can't see any one of us calling in an exterminator of our own accord."
Angel
"It wasn't us," Angel agreed. "That means they've seen everything that's gone on here for two months."
Cordelia
"And are still seeing it," Cordelia added. "Whatever we do to get away from them when Lorne's forcefield comes down, they'll know about it before it's even finished."
Gunn
"Which means whatever sneaky stuff we try to pull might as well be broadcasted to the whole city," Gunn concluded.
Wesley
A plan started to form in Wes' head, and rather than let it ferment until it was complete, as was his usual tactic, he blurted it out immediately.
"Unless," Wesley said, "we use that to our advantage."
Cordelia
"I like that," Cordy said with a nod. Then-- "How would that work exactly?"
Angel
Wes wasn't all that sure of that himself, so it was a good thing Angel filled it in for him. "We send mixed signals," he said. "Put together a whole song and dance about doing one thing, then do another."
Gunn
"Yeah, but last I heard, none of us were really professional actors," Gunn interjected.
At Cordelia's immediate 'Hey!', he shrugged. "You know what I mean."
Cordelia
"Then we should get working on a script, shouldn't we?" Cordelia said.
Wesley
"I believe you mean a plan," Wesley corrected her.
Cordelia
"Hey," said Cordy, "our strategy is to bullshit them. I believe I'm the only one who's pursued that as a career so far, okay? Let me have my moment."
[[nfb/nfi. top bit is from angel 3x10 "dad," second part by me. idek.]]
Over the course of those two days, Lorne had moved in (something about his club being firebombed as a result of the eighteenth-century vampire hunter who wanted to kill them all), quite a few groups had continued to seek after the baby in order to kill him or eat him or whatever it was that such groups did, and Angel had proved persistently unwilling to let anyone else so much as hold him.
Wesley
Somehow the baby's birth had led to things like Wesley having to knock on the door to his own office. Sigh.
"Angel, we could use your help when you're finished changing the baby -- who is being changed on my desk."
Even better.
Angel
"Sorry," Angel said, and to his credit, he actually sounded maybe twenty percent sorry. "I needed the space."
Wesley
"Well," Wes said, "seeing as you once nearly had sex on my desk, I shouldn't be surprised that now there is a baby on it."
He thought he was hilarious.
Angel
"Hey!" Angel objected. "First of all, that wasn't me, that was some guy who switched bodies with me. And second of all--" he made a show of covering his son's ears-- "can we keep the S-E-X talk away from the baby?"
Clearly this child was going to live a sheltered life. What with, you know, all the violence and murder that went on around him.
Wesley
Wesley rather agreed with that narrative there, but didn't comment. Instead he took a few steps forward, picking up the package of diapers along the way. "Do you need help?"
Angel
"Uh, no, Wes, I know how to change a diaper," Angel replied, then amended relucantly, "a normal one, with pins. It's these newfangled fasteners."
Wesley
Briefly distracted by the claims on the diapers' packaging, Wesley mused aloud, "Did you know these diapers are lined with a space-age material originally designed for NASA astronauts? Interesting."
Beat.
"Though now I'm picturing grown men wearing nappies and I'm rather disturbed."
Angel
Angel didn't see as put off, but then, Angel also didn't seem to be listening. "Okay," he said triumphantly, "Got it."
Then to the baby, he cooed, "You're all ready, aren't you? Aren't you?"
He rolled up the garbage into a ball, tucked his son into the blanket, and handed Wesley the used diaper before Wes could protest.
"Right," he said, striding out of the room and examining the makeshift conference room the others had set up in the lobby. Which mostly meant they'd borrowed a whiteboard from the preschool across the street and were now using it to keep track of enemies who had expressed an interest in killing or otherwise harming the baby. "How's the list coming along?"
Wesley
Ugh, used diaper. Wesley deposited it on a countertop as they entered the lobby. Maybe Cordy would know what to do with it.
"We've divided it into two categories," he announced, stepping toward the whiteboard and gesturing to the two-column system they'd set up there. "Column one: groups or individuals that we know pose a threat to the baby. Holtz, Wolfram and Hart, the vampire cult that attacked us at the hospital."
Charmers, all of them.
"Column two," he continued, "are those who could pose a threat once they get wind of the baby."
Column two was much longer.
Angel
Angel read over the second column, nodding at some of the names (The Scourge, Piper Beast...) before tilting his head somewhat at the ones toward the bottom.
"Order of Phillius, Beltar the Cremator... Frank?"
Gunn
"Local mobster," Gunn supplied. "Specializes in kidnapping."
Angel
Just then, Angel was distracted by the fact that the baby was suddenly crying. "What, what, what is it?" he asked, tilting his son in his arms to better see what could be the matter. "What is it? You can't be wet again, I just changed you. Are you hungry? I got a bottle all ready for you."
He flailed around for it for a bit, as much as he ever flailed, before Cordy handed it to him and Angel offered it to the baby with some satisfaction. "Okay. Here's your bottle. Take it. Come on, just like this, okay?" He demonstrated, but the baby was having none of it. "Come on. Please?"
Gunn
"Angel, why don't you let me take him for a little while?" Gunn offered, partly because he wanted to help and partly because... well, he wanted to make some progress in this meeting here. He had places to be. "I helped raise my cousin since she was about a week old."
Angel
Angel shook his head. "I-- I can handle it," he insisted.
He turned his attention toward the list for a moment, while still paying enough attention to the baby to refocus on him at a moment's notice. "Okay, so we've got a list," he said. "Now all we've got to do is erase everyone on it."
Fred
"I can take care of that for you," Fred volunteered cheerily, taking the eraser and getting to work on the first few names.
When she spotted Cordy shaking her head, Fred deflated. "Oh. You meant 'erase' in a squish-and-kill, violent kind of way. I'll just put that back."
Lorne
Just then, a blue flash lit up the lobby, and Lorne, in his default hangover-wear of a pair of sunglasses and what might or might not be a shawl over his suit, strode into the lobby.
"Oh, just listening to those Furies gives me whiplash!" he declared. "Thank god they finally left. My head was about to pop off. Which, granted, not that big a deal."
Oh, Pylea.
Wesley
"That flash was their spell kicking in?" Wes checked. You could never be sure around these parts. There could be two mystical things going on at once.
Lorne
"Yeah, they put a forcefield over the entire hotel," Lorne confirmed. "No one can get in or out."
So hopefully they didn't all get really, really sick of each other?
Fred
"So the baby's safe?" Fred checked. "We're all safe. Right, Lorne? I mean, unless one of those killers decides to throw in a firebomb in at us like they did at your club, which had a similar safety spell around it as I recall."
Ahem.
"Sorry."
Angel
"She's right," Angel agreed, looking up from the baby. "We won't be safe here for long."
Lorne
"Well, we can get out if we have to," Lorne amended. "I installed an emergency exit down in the sewers. Mystical barrier, opens and closes with a password."
He grinned at Fred. "Pylean word for hedgehog."
Cordelia
"Well, we'll need to use it," Cordy piped up. "The baby needs to see a doctor."
Angel
"What?" Angel demanded. "He's not sick! Does he look sick?"
Cordelia
"No," said Cordy, "but he needs his newborn checkup. The baby book says that he's supposed to have a vitamin K shot and a PKU test after he's born. And -- are you gonna circumcise?"
Gunn
When the baby let out a shriek, Gunn hissed, "I think he heard you."
Lorne
"Speaking of hearing things," Lorne said, cupping a hand around his ear and glancing up, "are there any fluorescent lights in here? I keep hearing this hum. Plus, fluorescent -- green light, green skin -- it's all bad."
When no one replied, he said, "I'll take the blank stares as a big fat no."
Angel
"Gunn?" Angel said, glancing up. "I'm in a war here. I'm gonna need some serious firepower."
Gunn
"You mean something beyond swords and spears?"
Angel
"Way beyond," Angel confirmed.
Gunn
"I know some guys," Gunn said. "Leave it to me."
Angel
"Thanks," said Angel. Then to Fred, "I need you to source the websites offering money for the baby. Find where they're coming from, and who's behind them if you can."
Fred
"Okay," said Fred, "but it looks like they're using re-mailers. Which means there's no direct ID, which means it could take a little time, so..."
Angel
"We don't have a little time."
More helpful encouragement from Angel, ladies and gentlemen.
"Are those all the names up there on the board?"
Wesley
"We're working on some other leads," said Wes. Then more firmly, he said, "We all want the same thing, Angel. We're doing the best we can."
Angel
"Do better," Angel retorted at once, not taking his eyes off his son. "I promised his mother. No one is gonna put their hands on this child. No one."
That night, Angel was still anxious and refusing to let anyone else watch or touch the baby. Fred pulled an all-nighter in the office with Gunn for company as he came in with batches of weapons every few hours before leaving again, while Wesley and Cordelia did their work upstairs, each of them uncomfortable with the noise of the baby crying but aware that Angel didn't want any help.
Then in the morning, Lorne slipped Angel a piece of paper offhandedly, and their whole approach changed.
Angel
"Wolfram and Hart's bugged the place," Angel announced as soon as he, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and the baby were all somewhere private -- in this case, the most abandoned of the sewer tunnels. (Fred and Lorne had stayed upstairs in full view of one of the cameras, where they were presumably discussing Pylean syntax structure or something to that effect.) "We're being watched. Lorne told me."
Wesley
"But how did he..." Oh. Oh. "His mysterious humming noise," Wesley realized. "The fluorescent lighting that we don't have."
Cordelia
"But how did they get in?" Cordy asked. "That Gavin guy was the last one who came around, wasn't he? He didn't exactly go around planting cameras."
Gunn
"No," Gunn said, "but that don't mean there hasn't been a team of strangers in here with tools since then."
When everyone else looked at him, he elaborated, "Those exterminators who came by the night Cordy's visions were going haywire. How much you wanna bet those were Wolfram and Hart goons?"
Wesley
"It's very likely, I'm afraid," Wesley agreed. "We're so behind in public hotel code regulations that I can't see any one of us calling in an exterminator of our own accord."
Angel
"It wasn't us," Angel agreed. "That means they've seen everything that's gone on here for two months."
Cordelia
"And are still seeing it," Cordelia added. "Whatever we do to get away from them when Lorne's forcefield comes down, they'll know about it before it's even finished."
Gunn
"Which means whatever sneaky stuff we try to pull might as well be broadcasted to the whole city," Gunn concluded.
Wesley
A plan started to form in Wes' head, and rather than let it ferment until it was complete, as was his usual tactic, he blurted it out immediately.
"Unless," Wesley said, "we use that to our advantage."
Cordelia
"I like that," Cordy said with a nod. Then-- "How would that work exactly?"
Angel
Wes wasn't all that sure of that himself, so it was a good thing Angel filled it in for him. "We send mixed signals," he said. "Put together a whole song and dance about doing one thing, then do another."
Gunn
"Yeah, but last I heard, none of us were really professional actors," Gunn interjected.
At Cordelia's immediate 'Hey!', he shrugged. "You know what I mean."
Cordelia
"Then we should get working on a script, shouldn't we?" Cordelia said.
Wesley
"I believe you mean a plan," Wesley corrected her.
Cordelia
"Hey," said Cordy, "our strategy is to bullshit them. I believe I'm the only one who's pursued that as a career so far, okay? Let me have my moment."
[[nfb/nfi. top bit is from angel 3x10 "dad," second part by me. idek.]]