i always wanted so much more for you ...
The past few days I've had this odd feeling that I've made a pretty big mistake with my life a few months ago. And then today I was struck with that sick feeling you get when you know you're blaming something else for the problems you created yourself.
I made my choice to go the JVS because I knew that Western Brown wasn't getting me anywhere I wanted to go. And maybe it's the slump of winter but I feel like I'm just treading water where I'm at - but the only person I can blame is myself. I've been in school for an entire semester and I haven't done anything I told myself I would. I haven't learned how to use the mixer, I haven't shot any footage with the cameras - I'm becoming the slacker I used to tell myself I was destined to be. And that's pretty disheartening.
But I know that the strides we take in changing ourselves is what defines us. So, instead of bitching and moaning about this any more, I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to fully dedicate myself to what I want to do and my beliefs. So if you don't see me around that much any more, you know why. I'm trying to change, I'm resolving to try. I can't sit around any more and watch the world go by, I'm half of 34, by the time I realize it, I will be 34 and have nothing to show for it.
Call this a crisis of faith but I'm just tired of my life being the way it is. I go to school, I fuck around, I come home, I do nothing. Life is not supposed to be this fucking annoying. No matter how shitty it is.
So, I'm making a list of goals for the next 12 months. If I don't have them all crossed off come New Years of this year ... I'm breaking skulls. Or setting better ones for next year.
P.S. It looks like Florida is out when it comes to moving after high school.
I made my choice to go the JVS because I knew that Western Brown wasn't getting me anywhere I wanted to go. And maybe it's the slump of winter but I feel like I'm just treading water where I'm at - but the only person I can blame is myself. I've been in school for an entire semester and I haven't done anything I told myself I would. I haven't learned how to use the mixer, I haven't shot any footage with the cameras - I'm becoming the slacker I used to tell myself I was destined to be. And that's pretty disheartening.
But I know that the strides we take in changing ourselves is what defines us. So, instead of bitching and moaning about this any more, I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to fully dedicate myself to what I want to do and my beliefs. So if you don't see me around that much any more, you know why. I'm trying to change, I'm resolving to try. I can't sit around any more and watch the world go by, I'm half of 34, by the time I realize it, I will be 34 and have nothing to show for it.
Call this a crisis of faith but I'm just tired of my life being the way it is. I go to school, I fuck around, I come home, I do nothing. Life is not supposed to be this fucking annoying. No matter how shitty it is.
So, I'm making a list of goals for the next 12 months. If I don't have them all crossed off come New Years of this year ... I'm breaking skulls. Or setting better ones for next year.
P.S. It looks like Florida is out when it comes to moving after high school.