A history in a smoke
How and why I began to smoke.
The first year in college. A guy which just finished high school and immediately got into adult life in which (surprise!) nobody cares about him. In high school I was the best pupil and all the teachers including director cherished and cared me. I participated in mathematical, fisical and informatic olympiads and won them.
Adult life! Tons of freedom and no responsibility... Who thinks about responsibility at 17? First girlfriend - first love. Lots of new friends and generally lots of new people. Giant world around and no control - do what you want and live how you want.
From time to time after lessons we (me and my new friends) went to walk, bought some beer, chips and some of us - cigarettes. Walked, drank, smoked, laughed... Golden time! :) My first love (her name's Luda) was already smoking at that time. Smoking? Rather dabbled. It was "fashionable". Well, you know - we are already adults and should behave as adults etc. Usual teenage stupidity.
I was not smoking. But I wanted to feel adult too and from time to time tried to smoke (almost all my new friends had become smoking already at the second semester).
I don't remember when I've realized that I'm smoker but I remember when I bummed a cigarette first time. I came to Luda (that first love) and brought to her my notebooks with lections - she asked me to copy them. I gave her notebooks and asked to give me one oxygen stick (as we called cigarettes) and she gave me it. I remember disgusting taste of that cigarette, i remember how I coughed and throwed the cigarette in nearest garbage bin in the end...
It was 16 years ago. 14 of them I was smoker.
It all was starting not so bad. I could smoke when I wanted to feel adult or show somebody that I am. And could don't. This is the old story and everyone who smoked knows it: at that time I still knew the answer to question "what for does I smoke?". However it has ended shortly. The years passed. I finished college and I already was smoker.
Several times I stopped smoking. For long. Absolutely without any kind of tobacco. 4 months, half of year, 2 months and almost year. But every time I began to smoke again. Because of some reasons or without any reasons - it doesn't matter. Problems on work, some failures in personal life etc. It all is not the excuse. But I know the one thing: if you want to stop smoking you should stop drinking. Absolutely! Even a bit drunken man loses control and if someone smokes close to you... I guess you understand.
I smoked when had a lot of job, smoked when was tired, smoked just without any reason and couldn't stop. Last time I stopped because I realized the fact that this habit is just killing me and I can no longer feel fettered, a slave but it was really hard. In two weeks (I don't know how I managed) I woke up at morning and realized that I'm no longer smoker. It was one of the finest mornings ever. Lost sense of smell restored not immediately. But the world filled with smells - it was almost miracle!
Needless to say that I still smoke. I tried to smoke to nausea, I tried to buy more light cigarettes, I tried to read Allen Karr - The easy way for stop smoking, I tried... Nothing helped.
The smoking isn't needed for me - I know, it breaks my health - the fact, doesn't give me something useful. I know and understand it all. Maybe e-cigarettes will help me (honestly I hoped when bought them) - will see.
I might tell you for long why I smoke or why it's needed for me, I might even to think up the reasons or the excuses. But it all is the lie. Self-deception. I'd like to smoke this way: rarely to drink a bit of whisky and to smoke out one good cigar. And it's the self-deception too.
Don't start smoking, People!
The first year in college. A guy which just finished high school and immediately got into adult life in which (surprise!) nobody cares about him. In high school I was the best pupil and all the teachers including director cherished and cared me. I participated in mathematical, fisical and informatic olympiads and won them.
Adult life! Tons of freedom and no responsibility... Who thinks about responsibility at 17? First girlfriend - first love. Lots of new friends and generally lots of new people. Giant world around and no control - do what you want and live how you want.
From time to time after lessons we (me and my new friends) went to walk, bought some beer, chips and some of us - cigarettes. Walked, drank, smoked, laughed... Golden time! :) My first love (her name's Luda) was already smoking at that time. Smoking? Rather dabbled. It was "fashionable". Well, you know - we are already adults and should behave as adults etc. Usual teenage stupidity.
I was not smoking. But I wanted to feel adult too and from time to time tried to smoke (almost all my new friends had become smoking already at the second semester).
I don't remember when I've realized that I'm smoker but I remember when I bummed a cigarette first time. I came to Luda (that first love) and brought to her my notebooks with lections - she asked me to copy them. I gave her notebooks and asked to give me one oxygen stick (as we called cigarettes) and she gave me it. I remember disgusting taste of that cigarette, i remember how I coughed and throwed the cigarette in nearest garbage bin in the end...
It was 16 years ago. 14 of them I was smoker.
It all was starting not so bad. I could smoke when I wanted to feel adult or show somebody that I am. And could don't. This is the old story and everyone who smoked knows it: at that time I still knew the answer to question "what for does I smoke?". However it has ended shortly. The years passed. I finished college and I already was smoker.
Several times I stopped smoking. For long. Absolutely without any kind of tobacco. 4 months, half of year, 2 months and almost year. But every time I began to smoke again. Because of some reasons or without any reasons - it doesn't matter. Problems on work, some failures in personal life etc. It all is not the excuse. But I know the one thing: if you want to stop smoking you should stop drinking. Absolutely! Even a bit drunken man loses control and if someone smokes close to you... I guess you understand.
I smoked when had a lot of job, smoked when was tired, smoked just without any reason and couldn't stop. Last time I stopped because I realized the fact that this habit is just killing me and I can no longer feel fettered, a slave but it was really hard. In two weeks (I don't know how I managed) I woke up at morning and realized that I'm no longer smoker. It was one of the finest mornings ever. Lost sense of smell restored not immediately. But the world filled with smells - it was almost miracle!
Needless to say that I still smoke. I tried to smoke to nausea, I tried to buy more light cigarettes, I tried to read Allen Karr - The easy way for stop smoking, I tried... Nothing helped.
The smoking isn't needed for me - I know, it breaks my health - the fact, doesn't give me something useful. I know and understand it all. Maybe e-cigarettes will help me (honestly I hoped when bought them) - will see.
I might tell you for long why I smoke or why it's needed for me, I might even to think up the reasons or the excuses. But it all is the lie. Self-deception. I'd like to smoke this way: rarely to drink a bit of whisky and to smoke out one good cigar. And it's the self-deception too.
Don't start smoking, People!