The Art of Discussing Oneself
I'm really hovering into hypocrite territory with this entry, but I'd like to think that more than 50% of my journal is about things other than my personal life. In fact, I think I only have one or two entries devoted to said subject and even then its on fairly interesting occurrences(besides that one at the very beginning about finals for economics class or whatever). Maybe I'm still hypocrite. It doesn't really matter, because this is my blog and if I wanted to write the War and Peace of my life I'd be entitled to do so. This is an appropriate place for indulging such self-centric needs.
What I came to rant about were those people who choose the not-so-appropriate venues for talking about oneself. I'm currently an avid member of a forum community(for what fandom is irrelevant) and we discuss the nerdy things about this one fandom we all like. There's a section of the message board where people can talk off-topic, specifically about the goings-on in their personal lives. It doesn't nescessarily state thats what one must discuss in the off-topic section, but thats what 75% of the postings are about. I was never this interested in this part of the forum, mainly because I couldn't give two shits about someone else's mudane issues. Yet, I've found myself scrolling through them lately, eyeing them until I die with boredom. Most of the people maintain some kind of self-respecting guard on their personal information. There's a reasonable limit to the amount and the nature of the information they'll release to the public.
There are some, however, who don't mind sharing the nitty-gritty.
I have one girl in mind, specifically. I know she's younger, probably around my age(maybe even older, yikes) who doesn't have the greatest spelling, grammar, or sentence structure skills in the world, which is probaby what initially peaked my distaste. In the intial purpose of the forum(which is to discuss our nerdy fandom) her thoughts/analyses are never very well thought out, typically half-baked or basically a restatement of something someone else said. Or, if its an original thought, its something, like I said but in grittier terms, stupid. I don't really like this person a whole lot, if you haven't gathered. But what really got me was the way she discussed her personal life.
I hate it when people discuss their life's goingson with an air of entitlement(is that the word I'm looking for?) as though they expect everyone to not only be enthralled with whatever it is they're saying, but already have a full understanding of who'swho, what happened with what person in the past, etc. This is the way she discusses things, giving constant updates on her pathetic life as if people really fucking care to know.
"Well Bobby broke up w/ me today, but im fine with that so long as he doesnt try to date Marissa. If he dated marissa id be soooo pissed! But mom said that like last time things dont always work out the way you want them to and im really starting to believe that esp. since that episode with david last week..."
I kid you not, this could be a copied and pasted segment from one of her postings. Makes you want to pull clumps of hair from your head, doesn't it? The rest of the board, mostly composed of middle-aged parental types(yeah, don't bother asking me why) often comment back with sympathetic, mom-like answers that indicate they obviously don't empathize with this girl's conundrums with Billy(er, bobby. Whatev.), but feel a parental obligation to be tolerant and helpful. This seems to only feed the fire, and she mistakes their polite answers with intrigue. She'll also mention the most mundane and useless of things, as if we're all on pins and needles to hear about her latest haircut or run in with the unfriendly neighborhood dog or last bowel movement(ok, ok, I exagerrate, but I'm sure its only a matter of time). It really gets me, more so than any of the other uninteresting personal stories on the board because theres this expectation that everyone wants to hear what goes on in her pathetic life. And maybe most of them do. But this chick doesn't. This chick wants to smack that dumb bitch upside her face, Jerry Springer-style.
Theres also a young woman on my cooking class team(positive that shes older than me, even though she acts like she's 16) who loves digressing the topic onto herself. Infact, I've never talked to her about anything else when we've small-talked. I'll try to nudge the topic over to something more universal, something that we both can relate to, but she insists on relating it to some miniscule fact about her personal life. Conversationally, I can't do anything with that. When someone insists on talking about their own life, what can you do but nod your head or react with false enthusiasm towards the things they recount? Am I supposed to comment on someone in the story, agreeing with them on their opinion of that person, regardless of the fact I've never met them?
I see it as a bit rude really, especially when some one in our team will start a sentence about how terrible their day was and she'll interrupt them(this time I'm not exaggerating) to say "You wouldn't believe how terrible my day was!"
The nerve. Its like she didn't learn proper conversation etiquette as a child and refused to acknowledge the occasions growing up when people would react negatively to her lack of tact. She's also quite bossy when we work, but thats another issue altogether.
I had always been taught, in the course of my growth and just in the course of my life, that when one wants to discuss oneself, its best if one can relate it to the other individuals in the conversation and keep the self-centric discussion to a minimum, even when asked about oneself. This is, of course, rules for conversation with individuals you don't know very well. Things are entirely different when you're with someone you trust, someone who's avidly involved with your social arena and truly cares for your personal needs.
One also never talks about the innermost personal goings on in one's life, unless explicitly invited to do so. For one, most people don't give an ass rat's about your personal issues, and for another, it can make people uncomfortable. They don't know you well enough to recieve this information properly and they can't really relate to it well, unless on the off-chance something similar is going on in their own life.
My rule of thumb? When meeting or having to talk with someone you don't know very well or don't have a lot of chemistry with, ask them about themselves. If this entry demonstrated anything, its that people love talking about themselves(I include myself in this, as I am a person. But my topics of selfcentric conversation do not include the deepest depths of my personal life. I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing this as freely with strangers as others do). With any luck, they'll share this knowledge and ask you about yourself as well, so that you can add an equal amount of feedback to the conversation. It seems people take kindlier to those who take an interest in them rather than themselves.
I'm sure as hell no expert, its just my observation.
What I came to rant about were those people who choose the not-so-appropriate venues for talking about oneself. I'm currently an avid member of a forum community(for what fandom is irrelevant) and we discuss the nerdy things about this one fandom we all like. There's a section of the message board where people can talk off-topic, specifically about the goings-on in their personal lives. It doesn't nescessarily state thats what one must discuss in the off-topic section, but thats what 75% of the postings are about. I was never this interested in this part of the forum, mainly because I couldn't give two shits about someone else's mudane issues. Yet, I've found myself scrolling through them lately, eyeing them until I die with boredom. Most of the people maintain some kind of self-respecting guard on their personal information. There's a reasonable limit to the amount and the nature of the information they'll release to the public.
There are some, however, who don't mind sharing the nitty-gritty.
I have one girl in mind, specifically. I know she's younger, probably around my age(maybe even older, yikes) who doesn't have the greatest spelling, grammar, or sentence structure skills in the world, which is probaby what initially peaked my distaste. In the intial purpose of the forum(which is to discuss our nerdy fandom) her thoughts/analyses are never very well thought out, typically half-baked or basically a restatement of something someone else said. Or, if its an original thought, its something, like I said but in grittier terms, stupid. I don't really like this person a whole lot, if you haven't gathered. But what really got me was the way she discussed her personal life.
I hate it when people discuss their life's goingson with an air of entitlement(is that the word I'm looking for?) as though they expect everyone to not only be enthralled with whatever it is they're saying, but already have a full understanding of who'swho, what happened with what person in the past, etc. This is the way she discusses things, giving constant updates on her pathetic life as if people really fucking care to know.
"Well Bobby broke up w/ me today, but im fine with that so long as he doesnt try to date Marissa. If he dated marissa id be soooo pissed! But mom said that like last time things dont always work out the way you want them to and im really starting to believe that esp. since that episode with david last week..."
I kid you not, this could be a copied and pasted segment from one of her postings. Makes you want to pull clumps of hair from your head, doesn't it? The rest of the board, mostly composed of middle-aged parental types(yeah, don't bother asking me why) often comment back with sympathetic, mom-like answers that indicate they obviously don't empathize with this girl's conundrums with Billy(er, bobby. Whatev.), but feel a parental obligation to be tolerant and helpful. This seems to only feed the fire, and she mistakes their polite answers with intrigue. She'll also mention the most mundane and useless of things, as if we're all on pins and needles to hear about her latest haircut or run in with the unfriendly neighborhood dog or last bowel movement(ok, ok, I exagerrate, but I'm sure its only a matter of time). It really gets me, more so than any of the other uninteresting personal stories on the board because theres this expectation that everyone wants to hear what goes on in her pathetic life. And maybe most of them do. But this chick doesn't. This chick wants to smack that dumb bitch upside her face, Jerry Springer-style.
Theres also a young woman on my cooking class team(positive that shes older than me, even though she acts like she's 16) who loves digressing the topic onto herself. Infact, I've never talked to her about anything else when we've small-talked. I'll try to nudge the topic over to something more universal, something that we both can relate to, but she insists on relating it to some miniscule fact about her personal life. Conversationally, I can't do anything with that. When someone insists on talking about their own life, what can you do but nod your head or react with false enthusiasm towards the things they recount? Am I supposed to comment on someone in the story, agreeing with them on their opinion of that person, regardless of the fact I've never met them?
I see it as a bit rude really, especially when some one in our team will start a sentence about how terrible their day was and she'll interrupt them(this time I'm not exaggerating) to say "You wouldn't believe how terrible my day was!"
The nerve. Its like she didn't learn proper conversation etiquette as a child and refused to acknowledge the occasions growing up when people would react negatively to her lack of tact. She's also quite bossy when we work, but thats another issue altogether.
I had always been taught, in the course of my growth and just in the course of my life, that when one wants to discuss oneself, its best if one can relate it to the other individuals in the conversation and keep the self-centric discussion to a minimum, even when asked about oneself. This is, of course, rules for conversation with individuals you don't know very well. Things are entirely different when you're with someone you trust, someone who's avidly involved with your social arena and truly cares for your personal needs.
One also never talks about the innermost personal goings on in one's life, unless explicitly invited to do so. For one, most people don't give an ass rat's about your personal issues, and for another, it can make people uncomfortable. They don't know you well enough to recieve this information properly and they can't really relate to it well, unless on the off-chance something similar is going on in their own life.
My rule of thumb? When meeting or having to talk with someone you don't know very well or don't have a lot of chemistry with, ask them about themselves. If this entry demonstrated anything, its that people love talking about themselves(I include myself in this, as I am a person. But my topics of selfcentric conversation do not include the deepest depths of my personal life. I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing this as freely with strangers as others do). With any luck, they'll share this knowledge and ask you about yourself as well, so that you can add an equal amount of feedback to the conversation. It seems people take kindlier to those who take an interest in them rather than themselves.
I'm sure as hell no expert, its just my observation.