Cosmo Whores
Every morning when I turn on my laptop monitor, I am inevitably faced with the Yahoo! News page. Its unavoidable because I've got to check my e-mail. I could, of course, ignore it completely and go about my mail-checking business, but curiosity almost always gets the better of me with a few of the posts.
Anyway, I saw a post this morning that sort of piqued my interest: Top Ten Resolutions NOT to Make This Year
One thing about Yahoo News, is that not all of the columns/stories, what have you, are Yahoo based. Many come from other sources, like Men's Journal with that guy who talks about eating this and not that (that I don't, to any extent, condone, but that's an entirely different rant). This one happened to come from Cosmopolitan, the magazine for uppity hookers. You know what I'm talking about, the one that always has the awkward features that they display in a bright, neon pink for all the curious minors to read(like me, five years ago), like
HOW TO GIVE THE BEST BLOWJOBS
HOW YOU CAN EARN ENOUGH MONEY THROUGH GUILTLESS SEX TO PAY FOR YOUR NEXT HEROIN FIX
Okay, I exaggerate, but only slightly. Anyway, I click on the link, begin going through the list, and everything seems copacetic. Obviously with tips like, Lose Five Pounds and Win Back Your Ex-boyfriend, it was made with females in mind(as if the picture at the top of the kinda-scary bimbo with the square-head sucking her face isn't a dead giveaway. Or the fact that this was made by Cosmo, but I didn't know that yet.)
The Face of Pure Evil
But then, I reach number 10, Keep Your Number Down. I'm a little baffled at first, and understandably so, I'd like to think. What number could they mean? Your body count?
The explanation is thus,
"Reality check: Nothin’ wrong with notches on your bedpost, as long as you’re being safe."
This is what bothers me- the idea of mass fornication with anyone and everyone whos willing. Where's the sanctity in that? How can someone not admit to be a nymphomaniac if this is their idea of dating: dinner, movies, intercourse, break-up, in that order?
Sometimes I think that I'm too close-minded about certain things. I try very hard to be accepting of all kinds of people in all walks of life, but there are certain lifestyles that I find I have a hard time accepting with validity.
Now far be it from me to judge, and I'd never treat someone different just because they have more sex than I ever would with more people than I'd ever even talk to. Thats their choice to make, and as long as they're not rubbing my face in it, I could care less.
But people who flaunt this fact, like those who read Cosmo, as if they're proud of it and want the whole world to know of their "sexcapades", have an unavoidable problem with me. Unless you're Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie (together, not exlcusively), I don't want to know. (I've already hatched a brilliant scheme of how they're going to get together and have a million gorgeous babies and give one to me.)
At my former job, I had co-workers who loved the "innuendo" method. They'd say as much as they could about their sex life without coming right out and admitting blatantly that they had sexual intercourse on a daily basis. It was as if they were so insecure they had to let us know, but wanted to maintain their false sense of dignity and class by dropping not-as-subtle-as-they-thought hints. This was almost, if not more annoying than people who come right out with it, and see sex as a fun hobby (like the people who read Cosmo).
I'm not opposed to being comfortable with sexuality and sexual needs. Most of us have urges within ourselves to love physically or atleast be given carnal attention, with or without the affection. I don't think its healthy to have a Victorian Era view of sexuality, repressing it to the point where we feel like we have to rape and gut prostitutes for satisfaction. At the same time, I see sex as a spiritual and personal union between two (or more, whatever floats your boat) people, and to desecrate the holiness of this bond by treating it as an accessory or something I do when I'm bored is, for lack of a better word, terrible. Theres nothing wrong with sex in and of itself. Theres something wrong with abusing it.
To me, sex should be kept personal and the partners with whom it is shared should be selectively chosen. The timing and the nature of intercourse should also be chosen with care, and undertaken only when the parties involved are ready both physically and mentally. It should also be undertaken as an entirely personal choice, not as a result of outside pressure by friends or the partner with whom its being done.
Anyway, this got a lot heavier than I intended. Basically, I'm saying the best thing to do with sex is wait, and treat it with the respect it deserves, not with the same attitude of collecting stamps or building model ships.
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UPDATE 1/15/10- If you go to the link, you'll see that Cosmo simply changed the year on the title (Do's and Dont's for 2010) without changing so much as a sentence on the original entry. How fucking lazy is that? That's alright though, I'm sure they'll get away with it, considering 90% of the people who read it have the brain capacity of a carrot.
Anyway, I saw a post this morning that sort of piqued my interest: Top Ten Resolutions NOT to Make This Year
One thing about Yahoo News, is that not all of the columns/stories, what have you, are Yahoo based. Many come from other sources, like Men's Journal with that guy who talks about eating this and not that (that I don't, to any extent, condone, but that's an entirely different rant). This one happened to come from Cosmopolitan, the magazine for uppity hookers. You know what I'm talking about, the one that always has the awkward features that they display in a bright, neon pink for all the curious minors to read(like me, five years ago), like
HOW TO GIVE THE BEST BLOWJOBS
HOW YOU CAN EARN ENOUGH MONEY THROUGH GUILTLESS SEX TO PAY FOR YOUR NEXT HEROIN FIX
Okay, I exaggerate, but only slightly. Anyway, I click on the link, begin going through the list, and everything seems copacetic. Obviously with tips like, Lose Five Pounds and Win Back Your Ex-boyfriend, it was made with females in mind(as if the picture at the top of the kinda-scary bimbo with the square-head sucking her face isn't a dead giveaway. Or the fact that this was made by Cosmo, but I didn't know that yet.)
The Face of Pure Evil
But then, I reach number 10, Keep Your Number Down. I'm a little baffled at first, and understandably so, I'd like to think. What number could they mean? Your body count?
The explanation is thus,
"Reality check: Nothin’ wrong with notches on your bedpost, as long as you’re being safe."
This is what bothers me- the idea of mass fornication with anyone and everyone whos willing. Where's the sanctity in that? How can someone not admit to be a nymphomaniac if this is their idea of dating: dinner, movies, intercourse, break-up, in that order?
Sometimes I think that I'm too close-minded about certain things. I try very hard to be accepting of all kinds of people in all walks of life, but there are certain lifestyles that I find I have a hard time accepting with validity.
Now far be it from me to judge, and I'd never treat someone different just because they have more sex than I ever would with more people than I'd ever even talk to. Thats their choice to make, and as long as they're not rubbing my face in it, I could care less.
But people who flaunt this fact, like those who read Cosmo, as if they're proud of it and want the whole world to know of their "sexcapades", have an unavoidable problem with me. Unless you're Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie (together, not exlcusively), I don't want to know. (I've already hatched a brilliant scheme of how they're going to get together and have a million gorgeous babies and give one to me.)
At my former job, I had co-workers who loved the "innuendo" method. They'd say as much as they could about their sex life without coming right out and admitting blatantly that they had sexual intercourse on a daily basis. It was as if they were so insecure they had to let us know, but wanted to maintain their false sense of dignity and class by dropping not-as-subtle-as-they-thought hints. This was almost, if not more annoying than people who come right out with it, and see sex as a fun hobby (like the people who read Cosmo).
I'm not opposed to being comfortable with sexuality and sexual needs. Most of us have urges within ourselves to love physically or atleast be given carnal attention, with or without the affection. I don't think its healthy to have a Victorian Era view of sexuality, repressing it to the point where we feel like we have to rape and gut prostitutes for satisfaction. At the same time, I see sex as a spiritual and personal union between two (or more, whatever floats your boat) people, and to desecrate the holiness of this bond by treating it as an accessory or something I do when I'm bored is, for lack of a better word, terrible. Theres nothing wrong with sex in and of itself. Theres something wrong with abusing it.
To me, sex should be kept personal and the partners with whom it is shared should be selectively chosen. The timing and the nature of intercourse should also be chosen with care, and undertaken only when the parties involved are ready both physically and mentally. It should also be undertaken as an entirely personal choice, not as a result of outside pressure by friends or the partner with whom its being done.
Anyway, this got a lot heavier than I intended. Basically, I'm saying the best thing to do with sex is wait, and treat it with the respect it deserves, not with the same attitude of collecting stamps or building model ships.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UPDATE 1/15/10- If you go to the link, you'll see that Cosmo simply changed the year on the title (Do's and Dont's for 2010) without changing so much as a sentence on the original entry. How fucking lazy is that? That's alright though, I'm sure they'll get away with it, considering 90% of the people who read it have the brain capacity of a carrot.