Blot
onesided!Jessica (SNSD) x Tiffany (SNSD
PG-13, 971w
The story of Jessica and the monster that lives in her head.
A/N: For
unnideul Post 10
Flowers. A whole field of pretty pretty flowers all in bloom with their tiny heart shaped green petals swirling about in the wind, lifted up to the brown sky.
A red sun and scattered purple clouds.
Cats that talk in Busan dialect and birds that curse at Jessica with a voice not unlike her own.
A house bigger than the earth, a maze of hallways and doors and windows and windows and doors and hallways and the unfamiliarity makes her wonder if she can really call it her home. But something inside of her brain knows it as such and believes it to be so. Home is where the heart is and hers is a maze she doesn't wish to explore.
And Tiffany, who is always watching, always there, seen from the corner of her eye or at the edge of her shadow; certainly always behind, in front, above, below, and around her.
This is sleeping.
Jessica jumps off a cliff and she doesn’t know if it’s because she wants to die or because someone pushed her or maybe in this world she’s as light as a feather and a casual breeze is all it takes to make her fly. The brown jagged rocks smash into her face, tearing her flesh so easily, mangling her limbs, breaking her bones. Pop pop snap snap and blood oozes out blue.
But she feels no pain.
This is dreaming.
---
This is being awake.
A finger long and pointy flicks her forehead and it hurts, just for a little bit.
It’s enough to remind Jessica that she’s awake and she has to tell her body what to do instead of letting her subconscious yank her through a crazy script. The coffee cup she's holding feels smooth against her palm and the warmth of the beverage seeps into her bones.
Jessica glares halfheartedly at Yoona, who only sticks her tongue out in retaliation.
Tiffany watches from the cashier, her skin billowing and puffing up a hazy black. Is she smiling? Jessica can only guess. She has no idea if Tiffany has a mouth or maybe two or three.
Jessica never could bring herself to look at Tiffany for too long.
---
There’s a monster that lives in Jessica’s head. Her name is Tiffany.
Jessica doesn’t know what Tiffany looks like completely, her skin is always shifting around, a writhing inky messy goop. Jessica thinks she can see a tail like a fish, four short stubby legs and a bulbous head.
Jessica thinks she can see a lot of things in the dark.
---
There’s a knife in Jessica’s gut, and her blood is leaking out, staining her dress an ugly red.
Is this a nightmare?
Tiffany’s there, so yes.
Tiffany’s there and she doesn’t say anything; she never does and she never needs to. It’s not as if Jessica would listen anyways. Tiffany’s there and Jessica doesn’t want to see her but waking up wouldn't fix anything.
It’s better to sleep.
Jessica loves to sleep, loves the absence of thought, the absence of feeling. There’s an unexplainable stability in sleep, this pseudo-death, immortality beget by necessity.
Jessica loves to sleep because it’s not that much different from being awake. Tiffany is always there no matter what Jessica does.
At least asleep she can’t feel pain.
---
“Hey, Sica Unnie.”
Jessica hums lazily in reply, her eyes lost in the scenery outside her apartment window. It’s all gray buildings and dull architecture but it’s familiar, not like the mishmash of odd shapes in her dreams. Is familiarity supposed to be a good thing?
Yoona looks somewhat hesitant and Jessica supposes that small sort of change is important enough to require her full attention.
“I received an invitation in the mail yesterday. I was wondering if you did too?”
Jessica blinks. And thinks. And realizes that no, she hasn’t checked her mail yet but really, it’s not something she wants to do. She doesn’t like checking her mail, just like she doesn’t like leaving her cellphone on or hearing the sound of her house phone ringing or browsing social media websites.
“I haven’t checked yet. Why? What does it have to do with me?”
Yoona bites her lips; pauses. Waits for what? Finally she sighs and opens her mouth.
“The invitation was from T-“
When did everything get so dark?
---
Sometimes, when she’s awake and sometimes, when she’s asleep, Jessica sees pink instead of black. A silk dress, or maybe shorts and a t-shirt, all pink, all bright. It should be gaudy and irritating but something warm blooms in her chest that makes Jessica think it endearing.
Sometimes, when she’s awake and sometimes, when she’s asleep, Tiffany is beautiful, with long wavy brown hair and eyes that curve when she smiles and a laugh so vibrant and loud it shakes Jessica’s entire existence, sending tingles down her spine and a rumble in her gut.
These are the moments Jessica hates the most.
---
What makes a monster a monster? The way they look? The things they do?
Tiffany’s a monster because Jessica hates her. Because Jessica wants to hate her.
Tiffany’s a monster because she frightens Jessica, because she leaves nothing but paranoia and anxiety in her wake and Jessica wishes she would just leave.
Tiffany is a monster because Jessica doesn’t want to give her a nicer label. (Childhood) Friend. (True) Companion. Soulmate.
Love (never confessed to). Love (never returned). Love (never known). Love. Love. Love.
Jessica doesn’t want to continue to love her.
---
There’s a white envelop in Jessica’s mailbox that Jessica never opens. Inside is a card that Jessica never reads, an invitation in pink with fancy borders and pretty pictures and words inked in a fancy cursive script.
You are invited to the wedding of Ms. Tiffany Hwang and Mr.....