A hard night
well,
only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. I couldn't get over what's all been going on. Thoughts of suicide in any shape or form were running through my head. Jumping off a building, swallowing all the painkillers i have, slitting my wrists, hell-even going over to campus safety and trying to get them to shoot me dead. Those thoughts arent in my head anymore, but it's possible theyll be back sometime. All it takes is a little push. I just thought that if i removed myself from the problem and took the brunt of the drama and pain, everything would be alright for everyone. But now, i dont know if i can keep up anymore, but i dont want to hurt anyone or cause any divisions between people. -And it already has, maybe i should just shut up, duck my head down, and keep out of the way. Screw psych, screw mascoting, screw it all, i'll just find some backroom deskjob and bury myself there. Every time i try to help, i make things worse-for myself and everyone else. Im sorry for everything ive done to everyone and i bring you good news, you wont have to worry about me anymore. No, Im not going to kill myself, probably just get some fishing job out in the middle of nowhere and just slowly fade from the scene. I know now that love and me just dont get along. That's fine, ill just excuse myself then. So yknow what? fuck it all.
only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. I couldn't get over what's all been going on. Thoughts of suicide in any shape or form were running through my head. Jumping off a building, swallowing all the painkillers i have, slitting my wrists, hell-even going over to campus safety and trying to get them to shoot me dead. Those thoughts arent in my head anymore, but it's possible theyll be back sometime. All it takes is a little push. I just thought that if i removed myself from the problem and took the brunt of the drama and pain, everything would be alright for everyone. But now, i dont know if i can keep up anymore, but i dont want to hurt anyone or cause any divisions between people. -And it already has, maybe i should just shut up, duck my head down, and keep out of the way. Screw psych, screw mascoting, screw it all, i'll just find some backroom deskjob and bury myself there. Every time i try to help, i make things worse-for myself and everyone else. Im sorry for everything ive done to everyone and i bring you good news, you wont have to worry about me anymore. No, Im not going to kill myself, probably just get some fishing job out in the middle of nowhere and just slowly fade from the scene. I know now that love and me just dont get along. That's fine, ill just excuse myself then. So yknow what? fuck it all.