(no subject)

[wereuinvited]

so i got home last night from north carolina. i want to hate it so much but i love the school. i love everything about it. walking around i felt like i belonged there and it just made me so happy. i didnt even want to leave the hotel or the campus of st. andrews. then i come home last night, and completly lost it. i love the campus and love the college life, but there are people and things i cant leave here. i talked to the coach of st andrews and theyre lookn for a goalie, and it is basically amazing, and the only reason i would ever go is beuase i love the school and it helps that audra will be down there with me!! but. i cant leave my horse up here, i cant leave my friends, and i cant leave brian. he is one major thing that will be trying to keep me home. and i have always said that he will not impact my final decision, but when im with him and i look into my eyes it kills me that im going to be 900 miles away from him in a matter of months. he promised me that this wouldnt end the "brian - alexis saga" but it scares me so much. i have been through hell for this kid, and i cant stand it, the thought of not being able to be next to him scares me so much. he promised me that he would visit and i will come home and visit, but still...not having my sunshine with me... :( grr... this is so confusing

i cant leave my friend either. whats going to happen when i need kaitlin to help me... ill be 900 miles away. but. oh i love this college. i love the town around it i love everything, if only it were 900 miles closerrr.