(no subject)

[werehassatangon]

Why is it that even though a person can hate me, I can't hate them? He does things that try and hurt me in particular. He lies (or at least tells an ignorant truth) and bitches at someone, that I care about more than anything, to break up with me. There are many other things he does that i don't know whether they are true or not all for the reason of trying to get her to leave me. I hope they aren't true. I hope that one day he can either forgive me for doing something or nothing or whatever I did cause i honestly do not know. I should hate him. I say I do, why can't that mean i do? Can you hate a best friend? or at least someone who once was? I'm a dick, I'm an asshole, I'm a pathetic dip shit, I'm a liar, I'm ignorant, I'm stupid, I'm a showoff, I'm an attention seeker, I want people to pity me, I'm selfish, I'm whiney. If there is anything else that I am that he hates for then i guess that must be some reason for animosity like this. bahh. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sorry with my life in the least. I'm never sad. Things always seem to end up going my way, and I have friends that I love and some even love me. i know that out of all of those above I am at least selfish. i want all of the friends i used to have and have them as close as the ones i have now. Burrit, Jimmy, Michael, Karie, Bryan, Chris, Johanna, Alecia, Megan, Victoria, ....Kyle. All of you were good friends if not my best friend at one point in time, and as gay as it sounds I miss you. If I could some how have all the alone time with Vannessa I want, and still spend time with you all then i may not have anything else to be selfish about.
bahh i guess. just bahh.