I Wish I Were A Firework.
There was once a time I that I was completely happy and stable. I think I am getting back to that place. For awhile, I was kind of depressed, and then normal. I don't want to be normal.
But for at least 2 weeks, I've been pretty damn happy 90% of the time. Right now, I'm so happy I can't even contain myself, and I have no idea why. Part of me is still so sad that Amber's brother is gone, but I'm even trying to look on the bright side of that. I'm glad that he's not in pain anymore, and I'm hoping that there is a better place than this. When I start playing paintball, every shot goes out to you, bro.
I'm sitting here in my room, writing this out like I do with all the random thoughts and realizations that run through my head, hoping Jake can call me tonight since he got in trouble, because I love talking to him, and listening to 105.9 because I'm the mood for bass and dance battles. I just cleaned my silly pink room and ate some tacos. I HAVE NO REASON TO BE THIS HAPPY!!!!!!!! But I am. Somehow, somewhere, that little part of my that got blocked off has been uncovered. I feel whole again.
I can't wait until I breathe in the first tendrils of warm air that hit Michigan, and I can go splash in the puddles and pretend to be 5. I want to sit outside under a full moon on a windy night in my pajamas and listen to Modest Mouse and Ludacris, because that's the best combination ever. I want to swim under fireworks and kiss underwater. I want to go where the music is so loud my heart beats to it's rhythm and dance with 100 strangers. I want to drive to Cali and not stop once on the way there, and go straight to the ocean, and dive into blackness under the stars, and shout about how much I love my life. I feel electric, like this happiness can explode from every inch of me.
I want to share it with you. I want to throw my arms around you're neck and tell you how special you are. I want to be friends with people I haven't even met yet, or people I see or kind of know that I am too shy to strike up a conversation with. I want you to be happy like this, because that would make me all the more happier.
In fact, EVERYONE COMMENT. And I will tell you exactly why I love you. And my friends who don't comment/don't read my livejournal, I will just tell why in my next entry.