In which, like, SHOWERS, man.
TODAY let's talk about showers.
If you live in a House then you will probably not understand the strife that I am about to describe but bear with us you will Know someday. One of the worst things about being a college student is not the fact that I am flat broke but probably would have to be the distance to the shower. It is in Egypt: across a desert plain, down a dusty dark hallway, behind a flesh-colored door into a room of unspeakable drab tan tile, and I hate it.
I shouldn't hate it, there are probably billions of people all over the world that are jealous of my college showers in Egypt. This guy probably is. He is probably sitting there on his box with his feet up going, "what the fuck what wouldn't I give to have a college shower I am so dirty if I had a college shower I would be happy." (I picked a statue for this example of the Dirty Guy because I didn't want to offend any actual dirty guys; they are pretty offensive all on their own and anyway I think that they are well on their way to being offended without any help from me.) But I do hate it. I hate having to share showers with an entire floor of strangers that are female because a) I am not that fond of strangers b) especially girly strangers c) I just want my own shower dammit.
So every morning (or close to every morning let's be honest, most times I take my showers at night so I can sleep in) I get my towel and soap and team of sherpas together and make the hike to Egypt. It is not that bad of a walk. But argh once you get to the nauseatingly TAN bathroom there are three showers to choose from. It is a Hobson's Choice in some ways in that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE, THEY ALL SUCK IN THEIR OWN WAY. Shower One is always too hot. Shower Two has no water pressure. Shower Three dribbles on you. It is a safe bet to go with Shower Uno BUT the cleaning lady came through already and washed them out and closed the slippery equally tan curtains so it is impossible to tell if someone is in there naked and drying off after a shower, and then you whip open the curtain on the naked person and they scream and you scream and it's sort of like Psycho in that set up. Well that hasn't happened YET but it will soon I know.
Shower One is what I inevitably choose every day or morning or whenever I drag myself over to Egypt. I prefer having my skin grafted back on every day to no water pressure or a shower head that pees like an excited puppy. But ARGH the cleaning lady also always bumps the fucking knob on the top that manipulates the pressure on the shower head! And ARGH it's dribbling on you and it is so cold no wait it's hot no it's cold no it's hot no okay it's cold. So even Shower One needs to be repaired! I don't even know why they HAVE that goddamn knob it serves no purpose except to torture people!
Anyways it is enough to make me want to just invest in a camp shower (ACTUAL TRUE TO LIFE WORKING CAMP SHOWER IS PICTURED OMG). Or possibly a sponge bath, whichever is more convenient!
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Okay my fans of Harry Potter, I am not telling you to do this because I don't want to be in charge of whatever brains get broken or anything BUT I highly recommend reading THIS if only to read a line that I only wish I had written: !VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! O tempora o mores if only I were Such A Wordsmith, I have been waiting years for that sentance and there it is. And yes I know it's bad and yes I know it's supposed to be bad but really come on Dumbledore with Avril robes it just does not get too much more hilarious than THAT for real.
HEY MOM WHAT IS FOR SUPPER.
KIX.
COOL.
If you live in a House then you will probably not understand the strife that I am about to describe but bear with us you will Know someday. One of the worst things about being a college student is not the fact that I am flat broke but probably would have to be the distance to the shower. It is in Egypt: across a desert plain, down a dusty dark hallway, behind a flesh-colored door into a room of unspeakable drab tan tile, and I hate it.
I shouldn't hate it, there are probably billions of people all over the world that are jealous of my college showers in Egypt. This guy probably is. He is probably sitting there on his box with his feet up going, "what the fuck what wouldn't I give to have a college shower I am so dirty if I had a college shower I would be happy." (I picked a statue for this example of the Dirty Guy because I didn't want to offend any actual dirty guys; they are pretty offensive all on their own and anyway I think that they are well on their way to being offended without any help from me.) But I do hate it. I hate having to share showers with an entire floor of strangers that are female because a) I am not that fond of strangers b) especially girly strangers c) I just want my own shower dammit.
So every morning (or close to every morning let's be honest, most times I take my showers at night so I can sleep in) I get my towel and soap and team of sherpas together and make the hike to Egypt. It is not that bad of a walk. But argh once you get to the nauseatingly TAN bathroom there are three showers to choose from. It is a Hobson's Choice in some ways in that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE, THEY ALL SUCK IN THEIR OWN WAY. Shower One is always too hot. Shower Two has no water pressure. Shower Three dribbles on you. It is a safe bet to go with Shower Uno BUT the cleaning lady came through already and washed them out and closed the slippery equally tan curtains so it is impossible to tell if someone is in there naked and drying off after a shower, and then you whip open the curtain on the naked person and they scream and you scream and it's sort of like Psycho in that set up. Well that hasn't happened YET but it will soon I know.
Shower One is what I inevitably choose every day or morning or whenever I drag myself over to Egypt. I prefer having my skin grafted back on every day to no water pressure or a shower head that pees like an excited puppy. But ARGH the cleaning lady also always bumps the fucking knob on the top that manipulates the pressure on the shower head! And ARGH it's dribbling on you and it is so cold no wait it's hot no it's cold no it's hot no okay it's cold. So even Shower One needs to be repaired! I don't even know why they HAVE that goddamn knob it serves no purpose except to torture people!
Anyways it is enough to make me want to just invest in a camp shower (ACTUAL TRUE TO LIFE WORKING CAMP SHOWER IS PICTURED OMG). Or possibly a sponge bath, whichever is more convenient!
---------
Okay my fans of Harry Potter, I am not telling you to do this because I don't want to be in charge of whatever brains get broken or anything BUT I highly recommend reading THIS if only to read a line that I only wish I had written: !VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! O tempora o mores if only I were Such A Wordsmith, I have been waiting years for that sentance and there it is. And yes I know it's bad and yes I know it's supposed to be bad but really come on Dumbledore with Avril robes it just does not get too much more hilarious than THAT for real.
HEY MOM WHAT IS FOR SUPPER.
KIX.
COOL.