fic: I can't help it if I'm still in love with you
Title: I Can't Help It If I'm Still In Love With You
Author: wepdiggy
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, or any of the wonderful characters
Notes: Written for mikki13 , for her donation to Help Haiti
Spoilers: Through 3.07
Summary: Post 3.07, Chuck and Sarah set off on Valentines Day dates with their new loves, only to realize they miss each other more than they'd thought.
Today I passed you on the street
And my heart fell at your feet
I can’t help it if I’m still in love with you
Seriously?
Of all the restaurants, in all of LA, Chuck brought her to the same one that woman was at? If she didn’t know any better, she’d swear that he does these things on purpose. He just won’t move on with his life, and leave his ex behind.
“What is she doing here?” Hannah whispers angrily.
Chuck looks over to see Sarah, seated at a table with Shaw, and he immediately flushes with embarrassment. He figured Casey, or Sarah, or maybe even Shaw would check in on him during his Valentine’s Day date, but honestly, he never expected them to be in plain sight. And he never figured that his romantic evening out would be marred with the vision of Sarah on the arm of another man.
You have to get over her, Chuck. She’s clearly over you. I mean, look at her talking, and laughing with Shaw. She’s clearly enjoying herself, and she’s clearly into him, and she’s happy to move on. You have to, too.
“I’m sorry,” Chuck says. “I honestly had no idea they - she would be here. We can go somewhere else, if you like.”
Hannah sighs. She seems to contemplate Chuck’s offer for a moment, before turning back to face him. Her features, which had been screwed up in annoyance before, seem to soften a little. “No, it’s alright. I mean, it is strange that she keeps popping up everywhere we go, but I understand this can’t be easy for you, either, so…”
“What do you mean?” Chuck asks.
“I mean clearly you still have feelings for her,” Hannah says shrugging her shoulders. Chuck looks like he’s going to protest, but Hannah cuts him off. “It’s alright, I understand. I mean, we all have a past. We all have relationships that we wish had gone differently. I don’t expect you to forget how you felt about her. I just want you to feel that way about me, too.”
Chuck thinks on Hannah’s words. Oh, how he wishes he could feel the same way about Hannah that he felt - feels about Sarah. He really does. She seems to be a great girl, and if he’d met her three years ago, there is little doubt in his mind that he could easily fall head-over-heels in love with her. But it’s not three years ago, and he’s met Sarah Walker. He’s met “the one”, and she’s gotten away.
Somebody else stood by your side
And he looked so satisfied
I can’t help it if I’m still in love with you
Dinner goes smoothly. Well, as smoothly as it could possibly go, considering Chuck’s attention has been drawn to a table across the room almost the whole evening. He’s managed to feign interest in his date, and she seems to be buying it.
But then, Hannah excuses herself to go to the restroom, and Chuck is able to completely focus on the blonde spy that still possesses his heart. He sees that Shaw has also left Sarah alone, and the two star-crossed lovers, torn apart by circumstance look towards one another at the same time, their eyes meeting.
Chuck sighs, and waves her over to his table. Looking around to make sure the coast is clear, Sarah then moves to sit by her ex-cover boyfriend.
It’s hard to know another’s lips will kiss you
And hold you just the way I used to do
Oh, heaven only knows how much I miss you
I can’t help it if I’m still in love with you
“So, how’s your date going?” she asks, a little bit of venom clear in her tone, though Chuck can tell she’s trying to hide it.
“Alright, I guess,” he answers. “You and Shaw having a good time, or are you just here for work?”
Sarah sighs. “We’re not here to keep an eye on you,” she admits. “Shaw…er…Daniel thought it would be a good idea for us to get out of the office for a little while. I agreed. But yeah, I guess we’re having a good time.”
She tries, and fails to withhold a certain wistfulness from her speech. Chuck ignores it, for her benefit. “So, it’s definitely better than last Valentine’s Day, no?” he asks, trying to lighten the mood.
“You mean when I worked on reports, you played video games, and we ended the night in a cover marriage?” she asks playfully.
“That’s the one,” Chuck answers.
“I don’t know. There were things about last year that I wouldn’t change. There are definitely some things I wish I’d done differently, though.”
“Like what?” Chuck asks curiously.
Sarah looks almost stricken with panic for a moment, before her face takes on a new expression: resolution. “Fine, I’ll tell you,” she says strongly. “I wish I hadn’t pushed you away. I did that so many times, I know I did. I never let you know…” She pauses, her voice becoming a bit shaky. “I never let you know how I feel, and now it’s too late.”
Chuck reaches over and grabs her hand. Staring into her deep blue eyes, he whispers, “It’s never too late, Sarah.”
“But,” she says. “But, you and Hannah…”
“She’s not you,” Chuck says. “She could never be you. And she’s a really nice person, and I really like her, but I just don’t…”
“You wish you could have those type of feelings for her, but you just can’t?” Sarah asks.
“Yeah,” Chuck answers. “How did you know?”
Sarah laughs, but it’s obvious that there’s a sadness to her laughter. “I understand your situation more than you might think,” she says.
“You mean…but I thought you were into the boss?”
Sarah laughs again. “He’s nice enough, I guess. And I understand a lot of what he’s been through. And before you ask, I’m not going to tell you what he’s been through. That’s his business, and he’ll tell you if he wants. And I guess he’s attractive enough. In the past, he’s exactly the kind of guy I could have fallen for.”
“But…”
“But then I met someone,” Sarah says. She swallows nervously. “I met you.”
Chuck looks down briefly before returning his gaze to Sarah’s eyes. “What are we supposed to do about this?” he asks.
Sarah thinks for a moment, starts to speak, then stops and thinks again. “I don’t,” she says, stopping again. “I don’t know. I just, I know I can’t be happy with anyone but you.” she says frankly. “And yeah, you broke my heart a little when you wouldn’t run away with me in Prague. And yeah, it’s going to take some time for me to get over that. But I don’t want to try to get over you by looking to someone else.”
A picture from the past came slowly stealing
As I brushed your arm, and walked so close to you
Then suddenly, I got that old time feeling
I can’t help it if I’m still in love with you
Shaw walks out of the restroom drying his hands. He feels the presence of someone behind him, and turns to face Chuck’s new girlfriend. Unsure what to say to her, he’s bailed out when Hannah speaks.
“We never had a chance, did we?” she asks, pointing to the table that Chuck and Sarah now share.
Shaw sighs deeply. He’d read all the reports about the closeness of Agent Walker and the Intersect, but until now, he’s never really seen it for himself. The way they look at each other, the way they hold one another’s hand. The loving way they talk to each other. That’s something Shaw’s only known once in his life, with Eve. And yeah, he thinks Sarah is hot, and yeah, he respects her as an agent, and yeah, he’d hoped that there could be something between himself and the blonde, but could he really come between true love?
“You want to grab a coffee?” Shaw asks. “Those two look like they have a lot to talk about,” he adds, offering his arm to the petite brunette.
Hannah looks on Chuck and Sarah for just a moment longer, a wistful expression on her face. “Sure,” she finally says, taking his arm in hers. "Coffee sounds nice."
The two new acquaintances walk out of the restaurant arm-in-arm, as Shaw picks up the tabs for both dinners. It’s not what he wanted, but maybe it’s time to try something with someone who’s not a spy for once.
......
“So, what are we supposed to tell Shaw and Hannah?” Chuck asks.
Sarah looks over Chuck’s shoulder to see Hannah and Shaw exiting the restaurant together. She smiles a real, true, genuine smile. “I don’t think we have to worry about that,” she says, pointing to the door.
Chuck watches as his boss and his girlfriend (or was she an ex now?) exit together, and he feels an immense sense of relief wash over him. Finally, things are back to being as they should.
“You want to get out of here?” Sarah asks, pulling Chuck from his trance.
“Um, yeah, I guess. Anywhere in particular you want to go?” he asks.
Sarah smiles, stands, takes Chuck’s hand, and pulls him up from the table. “How about we try to find our way back to ‘us’?”
No, I can’t help it if I’m still in love with you