♥ your beautiful with trigger pulled♥
hmmm.i overdosed on codiene today and i just woke uo from the dizziness it caused. it wasnt very fun. it was scary, but thats what i get for doing that to myself i guess. it even sounds like something you should be careful with. CLearly, i dont care. oh well. it another alternative then coke i suppose..which that isnt going to well either. I feel like its my only escape because i relized that alcohol is just fun and im not doing it to "forget" everything, but because i enjoy it, so i feel like i need something more.something else that isnt fun, but harmful. i dont know what im talking about.
i didnt go to school today, i didnt feel i had the energy to go.Plus i have this horrible cough and it is so god damn annoying. and i also have an ear infection. those are the worst things in the world. no joke.it hurts to yawn even. i can barley breathe.uggggggg..im all stuffy :/
awww..i want someone to come make me soup and lay by me while i sleep with my stuffy nose.teehee.i think i watch to much movies..i dont even think that really happens haha.no, it does, just not for me. i rarley get sick, but man, when i do..first it has to last for weeks at a time, im not ,kidding, and it has to be majorly sick, not just a cold. i have bronchitis and i was in the hospital on tuesday because i couldnt breathe and it felt like there was a huge rock right in the middle of my chest. and now i have an ear infection. and this has been going on for like a week.ahhhhhhhjishfdlkjg. yeah, that explains it..
wow..its already april, its getting closer and closer to summer and that means cali. since my brother doesnt want to go, my friend does, but i doubt she will..i want someone to go with me.btu oh well. i cant wait either way. i love cali. its so perfect and it really is like what you see on t.v. but i am hving sme second thoughts on going out there. i mean i am leaving for 3 months, i dont know if i can do that. and if some people will still be the same or what. im afraid of losing people just because i havent talked to them in awhile..i dont know.im sure im going for sure. i mean i have people out there to, who want me more anyway. i cant wait till i turn 18. I am moving out there for sure. That or russia, but i doubt ill be able to get out there. or maybe ill stay here and find some roomates. that would be fun. who knows, that is awhile away yet. but, it will come eventually. mmmeeehhh..
im so out of it. tonight is lenore and texas is on fire. i want to go..but my dad gave my brother money instead of me which is complete bullshit because my brother doesnt even like them he is a fucking poser and its pissing me off. so i asked my dad fo money and hes like, i dont have anymore. he is such a cockhead when it comes to me. i dont know why. he has always been like this though. kinda better because of all the fucking drugs that he is on. With out those..things would be..like 2 years ago..i hate the past and i refuse to try and bring it up again. im so disgusting. no, he is disgusting. i hate him.most people would say hey at least you have a dad..no, its not like that. no one understands..the ONLY person that knows what it was like is Lindsay, but not by choice, she was there to protect me, which failed. but everytime shit went down, she was there to see.so i couldnt hide it from her. I cant trust anyone else. they all would judge me and think i wanted attention. im not like that at all. okay, i think i am done because im starting to cry now and i dont like when my eyes are all watery and my eyeliner smears. its not pretty.