there goes cable!
thank you, internet, for hosting the few shows hopper and i watch with any regularity. our cable is turned off as of today - and i am so not complaining since we've used it for free for over a year as we were told it "came with the house." i kind of figured it hadn't, but i didn't do any digging, i just appreciated the time we had with it. so, this is one loss in my life that, while it is inconvenient, is not a detrimental one. and i'm glad there's the internet, like i said. hopper and i can catch a show once one of the networks uploads it.
i did a thing yesterday - something i've done before, but with little success (and i don't know why). but, i did it again last night, and that is i (after listening to meyer on cassette in the car) gave everything up. it means i don't know where i'm going, don't know what i'm doing, and am pretty much tired of doing the runaround and struggling and trying to figure out what i want and where i am going to go and struggling to figure out well, how am i going to get there? and i do a heck of a ....correction. i did a heck of a lot of worrying and pushing and trying to fit in all kinds of directions and finally at the advice i listened to last night, i just let it go. i don't have a plan. i don't have... anything that would give me some tangible security, but i do have peace, and i do have trust that i'm going to learn what to do and which way to go and how to get there. i already know that i have great, wonderful people in my life and i've been wicked blessed to learn so much from them about relationships and about me and how i respond. i've matured. and now it's time to practice what i've learned, and be open to more teaching, too.
so, yeah, i've been getting god-y, but i always have been. sometimes i get to talking about it and other times it's just a private thing. i wanted to put it on lj because i know one day i am going to look back on this one and smile and say "see there? see where i let go of everything and put it in god's hands? that's how i've gotten here today."
it's not easy to keep from getting in there and trying to manipulate how my life goes and what happens in a day, but that's ok. i know the right things are going to be there for me and the right thinking along with it. and while it may seem like i'm changing, i can honestly say that i am the very same me, it'sjust this aspect is moe openly recognizable. it probably will be for awhile.
i did a thing yesterday - something i've done before, but with little success (and i don't know why). but, i did it again last night, and that is i (after listening to meyer on cassette in the car) gave everything up. it means i don't know where i'm going, don't know what i'm doing, and am pretty much tired of doing the runaround and struggling and trying to figure out what i want and where i am going to go and struggling to figure out well, how am i going to get there? and i do a heck of a ....correction. i did a heck of a lot of worrying and pushing and trying to fit in all kinds of directions and finally at the advice i listened to last night, i just let it go. i don't have a plan. i don't have... anything that would give me some tangible security, but i do have peace, and i do have trust that i'm going to learn what to do and which way to go and how to get there. i already know that i have great, wonderful people in my life and i've been wicked blessed to learn so much from them about relationships and about me and how i respond. i've matured. and now it's time to practice what i've learned, and be open to more teaching, too.
so, yeah, i've been getting god-y, but i always have been. sometimes i get to talking about it and other times it's just a private thing. i wanted to put it on lj because i know one day i am going to look back on this one and smile and say "see there? see where i let go of everything and put it in god's hands? that's how i've gotten here today."
it's not easy to keep from getting in there and trying to manipulate how my life goes and what happens in a day, but that's ok. i know the right things are going to be there for me and the right thinking along with it. and while it may seem like i'm changing, i can honestly say that i am the very same me, it'sjust this aspect is moe openly recognizable. it probably will be for awhile.