And now, for a decent update....
Well, my son made it home from juvie on the 30th (this past Wednesday). On the way home, we had a long, long talk - he, Jas and I. He apparently spent a good majority of his time in there in his room, avoiding the other kids. Not because they were unkind to him (understatement, I know :P), but simply by choice. His self-imposed solitary confinement, as it were, gave him plenty of time to think. He did finally join the other kids, in the last five days or so, but that left him with sixteen days alone, to stare at his walls and think. He *could* have left his room at any time; he chose not to. He put the time to good use, thinking over all that's been said to him in the past four or five years; not just what I've tried to tell him, or what Jas has tried to tell him, but his teachers, counselors and peers, as well.
It's changed him; I can see the changes easily - then again, I'm his mom. He no longer argues about doing his chores, taking a shower, being turned down when he asks for this or that privelege.. he accepts. He's turned a corner, somewhere, and seems to have travelled quite a bit farther towards the maturity his age implies than even I could have hoped for. He's respectful, he listens, he does as he's asked - or provides a good reason why what I've asked of him needs to wait (such as needing a bathroom break, or finishing up some task he's already started, etc). He remembers his chores before I have to ask, let alone hound him about them, and has shown he can do them without supervision. In short: he's finally growing up, just a little. I've relaxed all his restrictions; we'll see what happens. Thus far, he's not failed to let me know where he is, when he'll return, who he's with, and has always provided contact info for the adult who'll be supervising whichever friend he's visiting with. If he's going to the library, he checks in with the librarian when he gets there, and lets her know when he's going to be leaving, so if something happens to him between home and the library, we'll have a timeframe for whatever has transpired.
It's..... well, frankly, it's heaven. It's more than I dared to dream of. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, precipitating a fall back into his old habits. I hate to be so cynical, but no matter how many times he seems to be doing so much better, he always, always backslides into the 'here we go again' pitfalls, bringing us back to square one. Every time. Then again.... I can't help but hope. He's MY kid; I'm entitled to dream, hoping for the best and yet preparing for the worst, especially given his history - he used to make Dennis the Menace seem like a quietly well behaved little munchkin.
In other news.... Spey leaves on Tuesday, to go back to Minnesota to visit his parents. For nearly an entire month. With the way he and my son were always sniping at each other, ready to rip each others' heads off at all times, I can't help but thank the powers that be for the fortuitous timing - it'll give my son that much more time to settle in, without being harassed, and accept the routine of chores and household. It's so much easier for a kid when there's no constant friction; Norv, Jas and I have agreed that it's time to see if my son can manage to prove he's responsible - he'll get the opportunity, since Spey's disruptive presence will be missing during the critical readjustment stage, and he'll learn that we WILL trust him, if he earns that trust. We'll see what happens.. but I'm hoping the household will be a lot more harmonious by the end of summer.
For myself... my nerves are still shot. With the gift of financial breathing room, they're in the beginning stages of healing, and with a wonderful gift of a Wii with the fitness programs, I've also got the gift of exercise without worrying about the four percent grade hill we live on playing hell with my knees and hips. I'm starting to get regular exercise in a much calmer environment. I've noticed I can sleep better at night.... and having started a regimen of vitamins to supplement the still rather skimpy food budget, I'm beginning to feel less tired and more energetic - and I'm continuing to lose weight. My mind is still frazzled; my memory's still a mess. But baby steps..... baby steps..... I no longer forget my name during the day, and have fewer episodes of forgetting what it was I went into a particular room to do, or to get. In short: I'm beginning to heal. Just a little. But it's enough to make me weep in relief - I no longer question my sanity daily, or worry about whether it's safe for me to get behind the wheel of my car (for fear I'll forget how to drive - it HAS happened a time or two, and it's frightened me witless!). Things are looking up.... even if it's only to eye level, it's a damned sight better than suffocating under the weight of too much for one person to bear. The burden is lightening, and I'm getting stronger. Only a very tiny little bit.. but it's a step in the right direction, for once.
I have hope. Goddess grant that I'm allowed to hang on to it, for more than an hour at a time.
It's changed him; I can see the changes easily - then again, I'm his mom. He no longer argues about doing his chores, taking a shower, being turned down when he asks for this or that privelege.. he accepts. He's turned a corner, somewhere, and seems to have travelled quite a bit farther towards the maturity his age implies than even I could have hoped for. He's respectful, he listens, he does as he's asked - or provides a good reason why what I've asked of him needs to wait (such as needing a bathroom break, or finishing up some task he's already started, etc). He remembers his chores before I have to ask, let alone hound him about them, and has shown he can do them without supervision. In short: he's finally growing up, just a little. I've relaxed all his restrictions; we'll see what happens. Thus far, he's not failed to let me know where he is, when he'll return, who he's with, and has always provided contact info for the adult who'll be supervising whichever friend he's visiting with. If he's going to the library, he checks in with the librarian when he gets there, and lets her know when he's going to be leaving, so if something happens to him between home and the library, we'll have a timeframe for whatever has transpired.
It's..... well, frankly, it's heaven. It's more than I dared to dream of. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, precipitating a fall back into his old habits. I hate to be so cynical, but no matter how many times he seems to be doing so much better, he always, always backslides into the 'here we go again' pitfalls, bringing us back to square one. Every time. Then again.... I can't help but hope. He's MY kid; I'm entitled to dream, hoping for the best and yet preparing for the worst, especially given his history - he used to make Dennis the Menace seem like a quietly well behaved little munchkin.
In other news.... Spey leaves on Tuesday, to go back to Minnesota to visit his parents. For nearly an entire month. With the way he and my son were always sniping at each other, ready to rip each others' heads off at all times, I can't help but thank the powers that be for the fortuitous timing - it'll give my son that much more time to settle in, without being harassed, and accept the routine of chores and household. It's so much easier for a kid when there's no constant friction; Norv, Jas and I have agreed that it's time to see if my son can manage to prove he's responsible - he'll get the opportunity, since Spey's disruptive presence will be missing during the critical readjustment stage, and he'll learn that we WILL trust him, if he earns that trust. We'll see what happens.. but I'm hoping the household will be a lot more harmonious by the end of summer.
For myself... my nerves are still shot. With the gift of financial breathing room, they're in the beginning stages of healing, and with a wonderful gift of a Wii with the fitness programs, I've also got the gift of exercise without worrying about the four percent grade hill we live on playing hell with my knees and hips. I'm starting to get regular exercise in a much calmer environment. I've noticed I can sleep better at night.... and having started a regimen of vitamins to supplement the still rather skimpy food budget, I'm beginning to feel less tired and more energetic - and I'm continuing to lose weight. My mind is still frazzled; my memory's still a mess. But baby steps..... baby steps..... I no longer forget my name during the day, and have fewer episodes of forgetting what it was I went into a particular room to do, or to get. In short: I'm beginning to heal. Just a little. But it's enough to make me weep in relief - I no longer question my sanity daily, or worry about whether it's safe for me to get behind the wheel of my car (for fear I'll forget how to drive - it HAS happened a time or two, and it's frightened me witless!). Things are looking up.... even if it's only to eye level, it's a damned sight better than suffocating under the weight of too much for one person to bear. The burden is lightening, and I'm getting stronger. Only a very tiny little bit.. but it's a step in the right direction, for once.
I have hope. Goddess grant that I'm allowed to hang on to it, for more than an hour at a time.