Fanfic- High School Musical (cross posted to idontdance)
Title: The Ballad of Sal and Homer
Author: Wendynever
Pairings: Chad/Ryan, references to Troy/Gabriella and Sharpay/Zeke, past tense Chad/Taylor
Rating: R-ish for cussing
Author's notes: Set during their senior year (Post HMS2), but no specific spoilers. This was supposed to be a little fic for the idontdance First Kiss Challenge, but then it decided it wanted my whole day and 3700 or so words. Un-betaed, so please take me to task on any mistakes- I don't mind.
Teaser: Ryan had maybe changed the subject, but maybe not- Chad wasn't sure. Also, Ryan was looking at him kind of funny- happyfunny- and standing too close.
The first that Chad any clue that what was going on was going on was when Ryan said:
"Well, that was an unusual choice, but I had a good time anyway."
They were standing on the front stoop of Chad's house saying goodnight- Ryan had just driven him home (Chad's car, if one could call it that, was not running, again).
"Uh- unusual choice?" Chad asked because it was kind of out of the blue. All they had been doing was talking about the bowling they'd done that night (Troy was out with Gabriella, again, and since Chad's attempt at dating Taylor had fizzled- she'd gotten tired of his car breaking down and him not having the coin to fix it, again- since that had fizzled, he and Ryan had kind of started hanging out and doing stuff). So, they were just talking about bowling (Chad won both games, but not by much) and Ryan had maybe changed the subject, but maybe not- Chad wasn't sure. Also, Ryan was looking at him kind of funny- happyfunny- and standing too close.
"For a first date," Ryan explained and reached out to playfully tug at the third button down on Chad's ironically blue-collar bowling shirt (actually it was some guy named Sal's shirt, which Ryan had bought sometime between when Chad had said "Hey, how about bowling?" and when Ryan had forced him to put it on earlier that night. Ryan was wearing a shirt that had once belonged to a Homer- it went surprisingly well with his fedora, of course).
A half whispered "Um," was all Chad could make his mouth say because uh- what? This hadn't been a date, had it?
But, Ryan didn't seem get what Chad meant by his "Um" (What? Wait! Dude, I'm not-) because he leaned closer and murmured, "Best first date I've had." And then he was kissing Chad.
And it wasn't like he'd figured kissing a guy would be like (rough, hard, fast), but more like he'd kind of wished kissing Taylor had been like (soft, hopeful, eager), so even though Chad's brain was still going "What? Wait! Dude, I'm not-" his mouth didn't exactly protest, and by the time it was maybe going to, Ryan was stepping away from him with a sweet, sly smile and walking away through the moonlight.
And Chad knew he should really say something- call Ryan back before he got to his car and tell him that he'd got it wrong, but Chad's mouth was still kind of tingling when he brought his hand up to touch where Ryan's lips had been, so talking was not so much an option.
***
Ryan called a couple of times the next day (Sunday), but Chad didn't pick up. Instead he texted to say he wasn't feeling well and would see him at school. It wasn't a total lie- Chad did feel sick, but that was mostly when he thought about the fact that he was going to have to say something to Ryan, and Chad really didn't want to make Ryan feel bad about the whole thing, but he was probably going to have to. And, he really didn't want to have to stop hanging out with Ryan, because the next choice down the list for nights when Troy was out with Gabriella (which was, you know, every weekend) was Zeke- and he was dating Ryan's sister- not good. At that rate he might as well stay home and play with his little twin brother and sister (Sierra and Leone).
Chad tried to talk to Troy about it, but he didn't even know how to bring it up- (Hey Troy, how would you tell one of your guy friends who you'd accidentally let think you were dating and had sort of let kiss you that um- sorry buddy, didn't mean that the way it seems?) So Chad had gone for a run and practiced his lay-ups and actually done his homework trying to ignore the fact that he needed to figure this out, and before he knew it, it was Monday morning, already.
Ryan smiled hard and pink at Chad when he came into homeroom asking, "Good morning, feeling better?"
"Yeah," Chad grunted, not trying to make his voice sound gravelly to support the not a lie about him having been sick. Then, determinedly he added, "Dude, we have to talk," just before Ms. Darbus started handing out detentions.
They didn't actually get a chance to talk until after fourth period when Chad was walking to English class past the LAN closet and a pink-shirted arm reached out and pulled him inside. By the time Chad figured out it was Ryan and not some deranged IT guy, Ryan had him backed up against the wall, a surge bar filled with plugs digging into his side. But, Chad didn't care because this time Ryan was kissing him the way he'd figured kissing a guy would be (rough, hard, fast) and Ryan's tongue was in his mouth, and his hands were in Chad's hair and his shoulder's were really good for Chad to hang on to so he didn't fall over from the shock of lust that shot through him as Ryan bit him on the neck, making him whimper.
At some point later, Ryan pulled back enough to say, "We are so late for class- we'll talk more later, okay?"
And all Chad said was, "Late?" before Ryan had stooped down to find his wayward hat and disappeared, leaving Chad alone with the hum and flashing lights of the computers. That so hadn't gone how he'd planned.
***
Chad didn't see Ryan again before school ended (except for a few flirty waves as they passed in the hall between classes), and he had practice after school, so he figured he'd be calling Ryan when he got home so that, as wrong as it seemed, he could explain about Ryan having the wrong impression about them dating over the phone. Chad guessed it might be the only way he'd get a word in edgewise. He tried out a few sentences in his head as he left the locker room to go home (I didn't want to be rude? You surprised me? Pod people ate my brain?). But, Ryan was waiting outside the gym door, leaning casually against his car when Chad came out.
"Want a lift?" Ryan offered and since there really wasn't any other choice, Chad figured he'd just explain things on the ride. But, as soon as they'd made the turn out of the parking lot, Ryan oh so subtly laid his right hand on Chad's thigh making him jump, and Chad put his own hand on top of Ryan's to move it.
Only he didn't because Ryan did this squeezie thing with his hand that killed a few of Chad's brain cells and said, "Yeah, me, too. I know somewhere to stop." And, Chad reasoned that it was better not to have this conversation while Ryan was driving anyway, so he just nodded and tried to keep breathing.
Five minutes later, they were parked in an alleyway behind some big empty factory and Chad hadn't even know this place was here, but before he could do more than wonder if Ryan had make-out spots all over town memorized (and what did that mean about Ryan?), Ryan was unbuckling and swinging a leg over Chad's lap (which was pretty impressive what with the confined space- must be the yoga or something).
And Chad tried this time, he really did try: "Ryan, about this morning in the closet-" but Ryan just bit that spot on his neck again and before long Chad started knowing things he'd never expected to (how good it felt to have Ryan's hands on the skin of his back, just how much hair Ryan had on his chest- a smattering as fine almost white ones dead center, the strangled little whimper Ryan made when Chad first licked and then bit his left nipple, what it was like to spend an hour making-out and grinding as fat raindrops made a syncopated rhythm on the car's metal roof).
After a while, Ryan sat back, balancing with his back against the glove compartment and his ass straddling Chad's knees, to say, "Baby, we can't do this here."
And Chad, who was still half in a lusty haze asked, "This?" because they really did seem to be doing this here.
"Sex," Ryan answered and twisted himself around until he was back in the driver's seat.
"Sex!" And that got Chad's brain functioning again because- holy shit! "Ryan, I'm not- we can't-"
"I know- too fast," Ryan interrupted to agree - sort of. "We should slow down. I'll just take you home." And he started the car.
When they pulled up at Chad's house, he still hadn't worked out how to tell Ryan that this was all a big mistake because every time he tried, the misunderstanding got worse and more naked, and there had to be a way to fix this without hurting Ryan or Chad losing his dignity or possibly his virginity- he just hadn't worked it out yet.
"You all right?" Ryan asked, brushing a hand across Chad's cheek and around to the back of his neck (settling it in just the right place so he could stroke his thumb over that good neck spot).
"Yeah, I'm-"
"Because the last thing I want to do is hurt you, Chad." And then he kissed him again- that soft, hopeful, eager kind of kiss again. "You're so beautiful."
And Chad just gave it up for the night because how anyone could say no to that, he just didn't know.
When he went inside, Chad caught grief from his Mom for not calling when he'd missed dinner (and tracking in mud because he was soaking wet, and where exactly had he been to get that gigantic hickey, and what was the girl's name so she could call her Mama and tell her to keep her little she-devil locked up and away from Chad, who was not going to spoil his chance at going to college by knocking-up some little hoochie, and don't you walk away from me when I'm talking to you Chad Danforth). And Chad knew he'd be grounded for not answering, but he didn't want to lie, and there was no way he could tell the truth, so grounding was about the best outcome- plus it would give him a chance to avoid Ryan for a while.
***
Ryan had been understanding about Chad being grounded for two weeks, since it was at least half his fault what with the hickey and all, so Chad only saw him at school (and yes, in the LAN closet after fourth period everyday, but that was only for a couple of minutes because you can only be late to English so many times before you got detention and they both agreed that Chad getting in more trouble was to be avoided). And really, by the end of his sentence, Chad was no closer to a solution to his problem and a lot closer to thinking that it wasn't actually a problem as much as it was an inconvenience- it was inconvenient that Ryan wasn't a girl and Chad wasn't gay because it was really good to kiss him (not to mention that thing he did with his tongue and his teeth that made Chad stupid). He still had to be honest with Ryan- he was still his friend after all.
So, that Monday, after a second long weekend of not seeing Ryan, Chad broke off from kissing him long enough to say, "We should have dinner tomorrow."
Ryan kissed him hard and panted out a reply of, "Yeah, celebrate your freedom. I'll pick you up after practice."
***
Like two weeks before, Ryan was waiting for him the first day Chad was off grounding. Chad had already called home so he wouldn't get into trouble again, so he just climbed into the passenger seat and let Ryan take him wherever he wanted to go. Where they went was a rooftop downtown that was all strung with twinkle lights (and where Ryan had stashed a picnic dinner, and a radio, and a huge blanket for them to sit on and eat and talk and look at the city lights as it turned from twilight to inky dark, and lay back to see the stars, and maybe later make-out until their lips were sore) and Chad kept thinking that they were going to get caught until Ryan said:
"Relax, my parents own the building. I have permission," and poured him more sparkling cider.
"Wait, your parents know you're up here? That I'm up here?" Because no one was supposed to know, especially not parents.
"Me yes, you no. They do know that I'm kind of wild over my new boyfriend, but they understand that he's still in the closet and they're okay with it."
"Dude, I'm not your boyfriend," Chad said with more harshness in his voice than he'd wanted to use, but- shit- Ryan's parents!
"Oh-" Chad could have sworn a look of disappointment crossed Ryan's face, but it was gone a moment later. And, Chad really hated himself for putting that look there, but he had to keep going because-
"God, Ryan, I'm not even gay," Chad finally said it, all the frustration from the last weeks was rolling out of him in the form of anger. "I just- you just didn't give me any choice! It's like every time I open my mouth to talk to you, your tongue's in it!"
"You noticed that, huh?" Ryan asked sheepishly.
"Noticed? Dude, were doing that on purpose? What the hell?"
"Figured I'd get what I could for as long as I could. I'm really surprised you let it go on this long," Ryan stated matter-of-factly.
"Get what you could?" And- oh shit- of course Ryan was doing it on purpose- he was Sharpay's brother- her twin. How had Chad let himself forget that?
"I know you're straight, Chad. Doesn't change how hot you are."
"But-"
"What you have to decide is how long you're going to let me be your aberration."
"Aberration?"
"The Kinsey scale- I figure you for a one or a two, but obviously not a zero."
And Chad didn't even begin to know what the hell that meant, but he was sure it wasn't something he'd like. "I'm out of here," he said bitterly, and ran down all five stories of the building. As he walked home, he half expected Ryan to roll up and try something (offer him a ride, an insult, a blowjob, he didn't know what else), but Ryan didn't, and Chad wasn't even sure if he was relieved at that.
***
When he got home, the first thing Chad did was Google Kinsy scale, then Kinsey scale, then he read three different pages about what it was. Then he went for a run because even though he'd just walked a couple of miles, it was that or spend the next few hours burning off his mood by cursing at Sierra and Leone for being too loud and in his way, which wasn't really their fault as much as it was them being nine and hyper little kids. Plus he'd only just stopped being grounded.
At school the next day in home room, Chad couldn't even look at Ryan, and forget about taking his normal route to English class (he'd never be able to look the LAN closet in the eye again). And, after school, he'd sucked at practice and Troy finally made an appearance in his role as lifelong best friend to ask Chad what was up with him, but Chad just asked him, "Isn't Gabriella waiting?" and Troy pretty much gave up.
And it went on like that for like a month before Zeke, of all people, showed up at Chad's house on a Friday afternoon with some cookies (Chad wasn't stupid enough to say no to cookies, even if the guy was being totally blind to the Evans twins' many faults) and they shot hoops and had ate the best chocolate chips Chad had ever had.
"Ryan misses you, you know," Zeke mumbled around a bite of his third cookie and Chad choked on his milk, snorting it through his nose a little, too (which- ow!).
"What?"
"Come on, he and Sharpay don't keep secrets from each other, and she doesn't keep secrets from me." He paused a second before adding, "I think."
"Oh, so you know about- uh…" Chad trailed off rather than say it all out loud.
"I told them it was a bad idea, but sometimes there's no telling them anything, you know."
"Wait, you knew before- when Ryan was planning, and you didn't tell me?"
"Yeah, well- I love her." Zeke ducked his head and shoved a whole cookie in his mouth in shame.
"You love- you didn't tell me that Ryan was scheming to seduce me because you're too whipped? Dude, what the hell kind of friend are you?"
"Not a great one, I guess. Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, he really does like you. He's been driving Shar crazy the way he's acting all depressed- dressing in black and doing performance art instead of dancing."
"Performance art?" Great more to Google- even broken up, Ryan was so much work.
"It's pretty bad."
"Well good- he should feel bad- what he did was really shitty."
"Wait, what did he do? I thought this was just about you deciding not to come out of the closet."
"I'm not in the closet. I'm straight!" Chad insisted, resisting the urge to punch Zeke, more because he had like six inches on him (not including Chad's hair) than because of anything else.
"Oh- yeah, okay. But, what did he do wrong?"
"He- he kissed me."
"He likes you and he kissed you- that's what he did wrong?"
"He kissed me a lot- and he did it on purpose." Zeke looked at him like he had three head, so Chad repeated, "Dude, you don't get it- I'm not gay!"
"Then why are you so mad? You sure don't seem happy to have broken up with your boyfriend. You sure it's me who's not getting it?"
"Yeah, it's- it's you-" Chad couldn't think anymore- it was all so out of control. "Shit, Zeke, I don't know."
"Yeah, well maybe you should find out."
***
Maybe you should find out.
That night, Chad couldn't sleep, which was pretty much standard lately, but it was different this time because what Zeke said about Ryan be miserable was rolling around in his stupid head and the stupid empty space in his chest where his heart maybe used to be and giving him stupid, stupid hope- hope that maybe Ryan hadn't been entirely playing him, not just using him (stupid, Chad, really stupid- that so isn't it). He knew it wasn't true, Ryan didn't miss him- he was just playing another game, like his sister did all the time.
But, Saturday afternoon, Chad drove (yeah his car was actually working for once- it wouldn't last) over to Ryan's house. The maid said that she didn't know where Ryan was, but that Sharpay was in the pool- he could go through and ask her, and Chad almost took that as a sign to turn around for home, but he knew that if he did that, he'd probably be back on the Evans family's doorstep the next day. He had to know.
The moment Sharpay saw him, she was up in his face (You leave my poor brother alone, you tall person), but Zeke pointed Chad over to the pool house and she turned her wrath on him (How can you side with him? He broke my poor Ry Ry's heart- don't you love me? Make me some special tortilla chips with the good homemade salsa to make up for it).
Chad's knock wasn't answered, but he could hear the Les Miserables Soundtrack playing inside, which seemed to mean something, so he went in. Ryan was lying on one of the lounge chairs, his head hanging off the end, his eyes closed.
"I told you, Shar, I don't want to come swim with you and your pet basketball player-" Ryan said angrily, cutting himself off when he opened his eyes.
"Not Sharpay," Chad informed him.
"Uh- yeah. Why are you here?" Ryan sat up and looked grumpy and Chad had forgotten how good Ryan looked since he'd been steadily not looking at him for so long.
"Not sure," Chad admitted, sitting down next to his ex-not-boyfriend.
"Okay- um- want to make-out?" Ryan offered and Chad just laughed because- what the hell?
"Maybe we should talk first and kiss later. I think that was a problem with us."
"Does that mean there will be kissing?" Ryan asked brightly.
"Only if you can tell me what you really want," Chad winced at what he had to say next, "what you really feel."
"Wow, you really want that?" Ryan asked and Chad had about used up all the touchy-feely he had in him, so he just nodded.
"Okay, I just want us to be friends again- I miss my frien-" Ryan hopped up, interrupting himself and pacing rapidly. "You know what, that's not true. I don't want my friend back. I want my boyfriend back- I don't care what you call yourself, as long as you let me kiss you, let me be with you." Chad couldn't watch Ryan pacing like he was at a tennis match. He stood up, too. "You don't even have to come out. I can keep a secret and I don't need you to take me to prom or anything." And that was all Chad could take, he caught Ryan on his next pass by and made him stop. "I just need mmph-" Chad kissed him because turnabout was fair play (Ryan's mouth was open to talk to him).
***
And clueless as Chad had been, once he got it all figured out (Ryan liked him, more than just a pretty face or a hot body, Ryan maybe even loved him), once he had a clue, he did it right (came out, took Ryan to Prom, went to college in NYC so they were close while Ryan was trying to make it on Broadway). And they fought sometimes, and kissed and made up sometimes, and lived happily ever after (most of the time).
Author: Wendynever
Pairings: Chad/Ryan, references to Troy/Gabriella and Sharpay/Zeke, past tense Chad/Taylor
Rating: R-ish for cussing
Author's notes: Set during their senior year (Post HMS2), but no specific spoilers. This was supposed to be a little fic for the idontdance First Kiss Challenge, but then it decided it wanted my whole day and 3700 or so words. Un-betaed, so please take me to task on any mistakes- I don't mind.
Teaser: Ryan had maybe changed the subject, but maybe not- Chad wasn't sure. Also, Ryan was looking at him kind of funny- happyfunny- and standing too close.
The first that Chad any clue that what was going on was going on was when Ryan said:
"Well, that was an unusual choice, but I had a good time anyway."
They were standing on the front stoop of Chad's house saying goodnight- Ryan had just driven him home (Chad's car, if one could call it that, was not running, again).
"Uh- unusual choice?" Chad asked because it was kind of out of the blue. All they had been doing was talking about the bowling they'd done that night (Troy was out with Gabriella, again, and since Chad's attempt at dating Taylor had fizzled- she'd gotten tired of his car breaking down and him not having the coin to fix it, again- since that had fizzled, he and Ryan had kind of started hanging out and doing stuff). So, they were just talking about bowling (Chad won both games, but not by much) and Ryan had maybe changed the subject, but maybe not- Chad wasn't sure. Also, Ryan was looking at him kind of funny- happyfunny- and standing too close.
"For a first date," Ryan explained and reached out to playfully tug at the third button down on Chad's ironically blue-collar bowling shirt (actually it was some guy named Sal's shirt, which Ryan had bought sometime between when Chad had said "Hey, how about bowling?" and when Ryan had forced him to put it on earlier that night. Ryan was wearing a shirt that had once belonged to a Homer- it went surprisingly well with his fedora, of course).
A half whispered "Um," was all Chad could make his mouth say because uh- what? This hadn't been a date, had it?
But, Ryan didn't seem get what Chad meant by his "Um" (What? Wait! Dude, I'm not-) because he leaned closer and murmured, "Best first date I've had." And then he was kissing Chad.
And it wasn't like he'd figured kissing a guy would be like (rough, hard, fast), but more like he'd kind of wished kissing Taylor had been like (soft, hopeful, eager), so even though Chad's brain was still going "What? Wait! Dude, I'm not-" his mouth didn't exactly protest, and by the time it was maybe going to, Ryan was stepping away from him with a sweet, sly smile and walking away through the moonlight.
And Chad knew he should really say something- call Ryan back before he got to his car and tell him that he'd got it wrong, but Chad's mouth was still kind of tingling when he brought his hand up to touch where Ryan's lips had been, so talking was not so much an option.
***
Ryan called a couple of times the next day (Sunday), but Chad didn't pick up. Instead he texted to say he wasn't feeling well and would see him at school. It wasn't a total lie- Chad did feel sick, but that was mostly when he thought about the fact that he was going to have to say something to Ryan, and Chad really didn't want to make Ryan feel bad about the whole thing, but he was probably going to have to. And, he really didn't want to have to stop hanging out with Ryan, because the next choice down the list for nights when Troy was out with Gabriella (which was, you know, every weekend) was Zeke- and he was dating Ryan's sister- not good. At that rate he might as well stay home and play with his little twin brother and sister (Sierra and Leone).
Chad tried to talk to Troy about it, but he didn't even know how to bring it up- (Hey Troy, how would you tell one of your guy friends who you'd accidentally let think you were dating and had sort of let kiss you that um- sorry buddy, didn't mean that the way it seems?) So Chad had gone for a run and practiced his lay-ups and actually done his homework trying to ignore the fact that he needed to figure this out, and before he knew it, it was Monday morning, already.
Ryan smiled hard and pink at Chad when he came into homeroom asking, "Good morning, feeling better?"
"Yeah," Chad grunted, not trying to make his voice sound gravelly to support the not a lie about him having been sick. Then, determinedly he added, "Dude, we have to talk," just before Ms. Darbus started handing out detentions.
They didn't actually get a chance to talk until after fourth period when Chad was walking to English class past the LAN closet and a pink-shirted arm reached out and pulled him inside. By the time Chad figured out it was Ryan and not some deranged IT guy, Ryan had him backed up against the wall, a surge bar filled with plugs digging into his side. But, Chad didn't care because this time Ryan was kissing him the way he'd figured kissing a guy would be (rough, hard, fast) and Ryan's tongue was in his mouth, and his hands were in Chad's hair and his shoulder's were really good for Chad to hang on to so he didn't fall over from the shock of lust that shot through him as Ryan bit him on the neck, making him whimper.
At some point later, Ryan pulled back enough to say, "We are so late for class- we'll talk more later, okay?"
And all Chad said was, "Late?" before Ryan had stooped down to find his wayward hat and disappeared, leaving Chad alone with the hum and flashing lights of the computers. That so hadn't gone how he'd planned.
***
Chad didn't see Ryan again before school ended (except for a few flirty waves as they passed in the hall between classes), and he had practice after school, so he figured he'd be calling Ryan when he got home so that, as wrong as it seemed, he could explain about Ryan having the wrong impression about them dating over the phone. Chad guessed it might be the only way he'd get a word in edgewise. He tried out a few sentences in his head as he left the locker room to go home (I didn't want to be rude? You surprised me? Pod people ate my brain?). But, Ryan was waiting outside the gym door, leaning casually against his car when Chad came out.
"Want a lift?" Ryan offered and since there really wasn't any other choice, Chad figured he'd just explain things on the ride. But, as soon as they'd made the turn out of the parking lot, Ryan oh so subtly laid his right hand on Chad's thigh making him jump, and Chad put his own hand on top of Ryan's to move it.
Only he didn't because Ryan did this squeezie thing with his hand that killed a few of Chad's brain cells and said, "Yeah, me, too. I know somewhere to stop." And, Chad reasoned that it was better not to have this conversation while Ryan was driving anyway, so he just nodded and tried to keep breathing.
Five minutes later, they were parked in an alleyway behind some big empty factory and Chad hadn't even know this place was here, but before he could do more than wonder if Ryan had make-out spots all over town memorized (and what did that mean about Ryan?), Ryan was unbuckling and swinging a leg over Chad's lap (which was pretty impressive what with the confined space- must be the yoga or something).
And Chad tried this time, he really did try: "Ryan, about this morning in the closet-" but Ryan just bit that spot on his neck again and before long Chad started knowing things he'd never expected to (how good it felt to have Ryan's hands on the skin of his back, just how much hair Ryan had on his chest- a smattering as fine almost white ones dead center, the strangled little whimper Ryan made when Chad first licked and then bit his left nipple, what it was like to spend an hour making-out and grinding as fat raindrops made a syncopated rhythm on the car's metal roof).
After a while, Ryan sat back, balancing with his back against the glove compartment and his ass straddling Chad's knees, to say, "Baby, we can't do this here."
And Chad, who was still half in a lusty haze asked, "This?" because they really did seem to be doing this here.
"Sex," Ryan answered and twisted himself around until he was back in the driver's seat.
"Sex!" And that got Chad's brain functioning again because- holy shit! "Ryan, I'm not- we can't-"
"I know- too fast," Ryan interrupted to agree - sort of. "We should slow down. I'll just take you home." And he started the car.
When they pulled up at Chad's house, he still hadn't worked out how to tell Ryan that this was all a big mistake because every time he tried, the misunderstanding got worse and more naked, and there had to be a way to fix this without hurting Ryan or Chad losing his dignity or possibly his virginity- he just hadn't worked it out yet.
"You all right?" Ryan asked, brushing a hand across Chad's cheek and around to the back of his neck (settling it in just the right place so he could stroke his thumb over that good neck spot).
"Yeah, I'm-"
"Because the last thing I want to do is hurt you, Chad." And then he kissed him again- that soft, hopeful, eager kind of kiss again. "You're so beautiful."
And Chad just gave it up for the night because how anyone could say no to that, he just didn't know.
When he went inside, Chad caught grief from his Mom for not calling when he'd missed dinner (and tracking in mud because he was soaking wet, and where exactly had he been to get that gigantic hickey, and what was the girl's name so she could call her Mama and tell her to keep her little she-devil locked up and away from Chad, who was not going to spoil his chance at going to college by knocking-up some little hoochie, and don't you walk away from me when I'm talking to you Chad Danforth). And Chad knew he'd be grounded for not answering, but he didn't want to lie, and there was no way he could tell the truth, so grounding was about the best outcome- plus it would give him a chance to avoid Ryan for a while.
***
Ryan had been understanding about Chad being grounded for two weeks, since it was at least half his fault what with the hickey and all, so Chad only saw him at school (and yes, in the LAN closet after fourth period everyday, but that was only for a couple of minutes because you can only be late to English so many times before you got detention and they both agreed that Chad getting in more trouble was to be avoided). And really, by the end of his sentence, Chad was no closer to a solution to his problem and a lot closer to thinking that it wasn't actually a problem as much as it was an inconvenience- it was inconvenient that Ryan wasn't a girl and Chad wasn't gay because it was really good to kiss him (not to mention that thing he did with his tongue and his teeth that made Chad stupid). He still had to be honest with Ryan- he was still his friend after all.
So, that Monday, after a second long weekend of not seeing Ryan, Chad broke off from kissing him long enough to say, "We should have dinner tomorrow."
Ryan kissed him hard and panted out a reply of, "Yeah, celebrate your freedom. I'll pick you up after practice."
***
Like two weeks before, Ryan was waiting for him the first day Chad was off grounding. Chad had already called home so he wouldn't get into trouble again, so he just climbed into the passenger seat and let Ryan take him wherever he wanted to go. Where they went was a rooftop downtown that was all strung with twinkle lights (and where Ryan had stashed a picnic dinner, and a radio, and a huge blanket for them to sit on and eat and talk and look at the city lights as it turned from twilight to inky dark, and lay back to see the stars, and maybe later make-out until their lips were sore) and Chad kept thinking that they were going to get caught until Ryan said:
"Relax, my parents own the building. I have permission," and poured him more sparkling cider.
"Wait, your parents know you're up here? That I'm up here?" Because no one was supposed to know, especially not parents.
"Me yes, you no. They do know that I'm kind of wild over my new boyfriend, but they understand that he's still in the closet and they're okay with it."
"Dude, I'm not your boyfriend," Chad said with more harshness in his voice than he'd wanted to use, but- shit- Ryan's parents!
"Oh-" Chad could have sworn a look of disappointment crossed Ryan's face, but it was gone a moment later. And, Chad really hated himself for putting that look there, but he had to keep going because-
"God, Ryan, I'm not even gay," Chad finally said it, all the frustration from the last weeks was rolling out of him in the form of anger. "I just- you just didn't give me any choice! It's like every time I open my mouth to talk to you, your tongue's in it!"
"You noticed that, huh?" Ryan asked sheepishly.
"Noticed? Dude, were doing that on purpose? What the hell?"
"Figured I'd get what I could for as long as I could. I'm really surprised you let it go on this long," Ryan stated matter-of-factly.
"Get what you could?" And- oh shit- of course Ryan was doing it on purpose- he was Sharpay's brother- her twin. How had Chad let himself forget that?
"I know you're straight, Chad. Doesn't change how hot you are."
"But-"
"What you have to decide is how long you're going to let me be your aberration."
"Aberration?"
"The Kinsey scale- I figure you for a one or a two, but obviously not a zero."
And Chad didn't even begin to know what the hell that meant, but he was sure it wasn't something he'd like. "I'm out of here," he said bitterly, and ran down all five stories of the building. As he walked home, he half expected Ryan to roll up and try something (offer him a ride, an insult, a blowjob, he didn't know what else), but Ryan didn't, and Chad wasn't even sure if he was relieved at that.
***
When he got home, the first thing Chad did was Google Kinsy scale, then Kinsey scale, then he read three different pages about what it was. Then he went for a run because even though he'd just walked a couple of miles, it was that or spend the next few hours burning off his mood by cursing at Sierra and Leone for being too loud and in his way, which wasn't really their fault as much as it was them being nine and hyper little kids. Plus he'd only just stopped being grounded.
At school the next day in home room, Chad couldn't even look at Ryan, and forget about taking his normal route to English class (he'd never be able to look the LAN closet in the eye again). And, after school, he'd sucked at practice and Troy finally made an appearance in his role as lifelong best friend to ask Chad what was up with him, but Chad just asked him, "Isn't Gabriella waiting?" and Troy pretty much gave up.
And it went on like that for like a month before Zeke, of all people, showed up at Chad's house on a Friday afternoon with some cookies (Chad wasn't stupid enough to say no to cookies, even if the guy was being totally blind to the Evans twins' many faults) and they shot hoops and had ate the best chocolate chips Chad had ever had.
"Ryan misses you, you know," Zeke mumbled around a bite of his third cookie and Chad choked on his milk, snorting it through his nose a little, too (which- ow!).
"What?"
"Come on, he and Sharpay don't keep secrets from each other, and she doesn't keep secrets from me." He paused a second before adding, "I think."
"Oh, so you know about- uh…" Chad trailed off rather than say it all out loud.
"I told them it was a bad idea, but sometimes there's no telling them anything, you know."
"Wait, you knew before- when Ryan was planning, and you didn't tell me?"
"Yeah, well- I love her." Zeke ducked his head and shoved a whole cookie in his mouth in shame.
"You love- you didn't tell me that Ryan was scheming to seduce me because you're too whipped? Dude, what the hell kind of friend are you?"
"Not a great one, I guess. Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, he really does like you. He's been driving Shar crazy the way he's acting all depressed- dressing in black and doing performance art instead of dancing."
"Performance art?" Great more to Google- even broken up, Ryan was so much work.
"It's pretty bad."
"Well good- he should feel bad- what he did was really shitty."
"Wait, what did he do? I thought this was just about you deciding not to come out of the closet."
"I'm not in the closet. I'm straight!" Chad insisted, resisting the urge to punch Zeke, more because he had like six inches on him (not including Chad's hair) than because of anything else.
"Oh- yeah, okay. But, what did he do wrong?"
"He- he kissed me."
"He likes you and he kissed you- that's what he did wrong?"
"He kissed me a lot- and he did it on purpose." Zeke looked at him like he had three head, so Chad repeated, "Dude, you don't get it- I'm not gay!"
"Then why are you so mad? You sure don't seem happy to have broken up with your boyfriend. You sure it's me who's not getting it?"
"Yeah, it's- it's you-" Chad couldn't think anymore- it was all so out of control. "Shit, Zeke, I don't know."
"Yeah, well maybe you should find out."
***
Maybe you should find out.
That night, Chad couldn't sleep, which was pretty much standard lately, but it was different this time because what Zeke said about Ryan be miserable was rolling around in his stupid head and the stupid empty space in his chest where his heart maybe used to be and giving him stupid, stupid hope- hope that maybe Ryan hadn't been entirely playing him, not just using him (stupid, Chad, really stupid- that so isn't it). He knew it wasn't true, Ryan didn't miss him- he was just playing another game, like his sister did all the time.
But, Saturday afternoon, Chad drove (yeah his car was actually working for once- it wouldn't last) over to Ryan's house. The maid said that she didn't know where Ryan was, but that Sharpay was in the pool- he could go through and ask her, and Chad almost took that as a sign to turn around for home, but he knew that if he did that, he'd probably be back on the Evans family's doorstep the next day. He had to know.
The moment Sharpay saw him, she was up in his face (You leave my poor brother alone, you tall person), but Zeke pointed Chad over to the pool house and she turned her wrath on him (How can you side with him? He broke my poor Ry Ry's heart- don't you love me? Make me some special tortilla chips with the good homemade salsa to make up for it).
Chad's knock wasn't answered, but he could hear the Les Miserables Soundtrack playing inside, which seemed to mean something, so he went in. Ryan was lying on one of the lounge chairs, his head hanging off the end, his eyes closed.
"I told you, Shar, I don't want to come swim with you and your pet basketball player-" Ryan said angrily, cutting himself off when he opened his eyes.
"Not Sharpay," Chad informed him.
"Uh- yeah. Why are you here?" Ryan sat up and looked grumpy and Chad had forgotten how good Ryan looked since he'd been steadily not looking at him for so long.
"Not sure," Chad admitted, sitting down next to his ex-not-boyfriend.
"Okay- um- want to make-out?" Ryan offered and Chad just laughed because- what the hell?
"Maybe we should talk first and kiss later. I think that was a problem with us."
"Does that mean there will be kissing?" Ryan asked brightly.
"Only if you can tell me what you really want," Chad winced at what he had to say next, "what you really feel."
"Wow, you really want that?" Ryan asked and Chad had about used up all the touchy-feely he had in him, so he just nodded.
"Okay, I just want us to be friends again- I miss my frien-" Ryan hopped up, interrupting himself and pacing rapidly. "You know what, that's not true. I don't want my friend back. I want my boyfriend back- I don't care what you call yourself, as long as you let me kiss you, let me be with you." Chad couldn't watch Ryan pacing like he was at a tennis match. He stood up, too. "You don't even have to come out. I can keep a secret and I don't need you to take me to prom or anything." And that was all Chad could take, he caught Ryan on his next pass by and made him stop. "I just need mmph-" Chad kissed him because turnabout was fair play (Ryan's mouth was open to talk to him).
***
And clueless as Chad had been, once he got it all figured out (Ryan liked him, more than just a pretty face or a hot body, Ryan maybe even loved him), once he had a clue, he did it right (came out, took Ryan to Prom, went to college in NYC so they were close while Ryan was trying to make it on Broadway). And they fought sometimes, and kissed and made up sometimes, and lived happily ever after (most of the time).