Friendship-Rant
Went to a co-worker's retirement party. I have only met her a few times because she works in a another part of the library. Anyway, she greeted me so warmly like she was really going to miss me and I'm genuinely going to miss her. She's kinda a kooky old lady-very well read- and cheerful.
So, it was touching that her old co-worker came all the way from Houston, with her husband for this retirement party and I was caught up in the happy reniuon. They were telling all these stories about the good times they had in Brooklyn 30 years ago. I thought about all the jobs I've had, and all the people that have passed through my life. I've moved a lot and had alot of different jobs, not to mention a multitude of social scene changes. Most, I quite honestly never thought twice about, but some people were just so irreplaceable that it really messed me up that we either lost touch, or for some reason they weren't in my life.
Some are very special people who are so rare in this world, that it almost seems unbelievable that we don't see each other,... sometimes you spend amazing moments of your life with a person and just take their presence for granted, then it's like an essential element, like air, that is taken away. It's weird how you could care for someone, but they might not care about you. But other people probably wonder- what the hell happened to me as I moved through their world haphazardly- and exited stage left.
Other times, if it was a boyfriend, I think I would really put a strain on their new relationship if we were to be friends. So rather than keep things on the DL, so their new gf didn't get jealous, I just faded into the sunset.
When I was a kid-most couples stayed together for life and they went on vacation together every year- so that was the model- but that model doesn't really fit my life today- whether by choice or chance. Maybe it will someday. Maybe, I'll stick with something (work or relationship) but even if I have that intention- my job could fire me or I could get dumped for no reason. But, good friends will stick with you through all that. Show up for you in the bad times. I realize that my social skills of how to be a good friend are lacking. Probably, because I got in the habit of movin' on at an early age and not lookin' back. But, the coping skills of not being too sentimental, putting on the mask of not caring-that caused me to be a shell of a person. I glad to be sentimental today about people, even if they don't have to natural affection that I do and even if I have to keep it to myself-at times-it feels good to feel something. I know how to "stir it up," but how to maintain it for life now that's a challenge.
There's value in marriage-those who don't have that civil right- feel it in their soul- but most others don't seem to care for it. It really is the foundation of society, (not that people should be prohibited from getting divorced.) Besides marriage, a lot of people don't even believe in monogamy-then what? People are just dispensible, temporary. Maybe that's freedom-to some people. but usually someone ends up getting hurt. disrespected, or lied to.
So down the road, we will have to see- if I even get a retirement party- and if any friends show up. It's up to me to make life-long friends- and chose wisely the people I surround myself with.
So, it was touching that her old co-worker came all the way from Houston, with her husband for this retirement party and I was caught up in the happy reniuon. They were telling all these stories about the good times they had in Brooklyn 30 years ago. I thought about all the jobs I've had, and all the people that have passed through my life. I've moved a lot and had alot of different jobs, not to mention a multitude of social scene changes. Most, I quite honestly never thought twice about, but some people were just so irreplaceable that it really messed me up that we either lost touch, or for some reason they weren't in my life.
Some are very special people who are so rare in this world, that it almost seems unbelievable that we don't see each other,... sometimes you spend amazing moments of your life with a person and just take their presence for granted, then it's like an essential element, like air, that is taken away. It's weird how you could care for someone, but they might not care about you. But other people probably wonder- what the hell happened to me as I moved through their world haphazardly- and exited stage left.
Other times, if it was a boyfriend, I think I would really put a strain on their new relationship if we were to be friends. So rather than keep things on the DL, so their new gf didn't get jealous, I just faded into the sunset.
When I was a kid-most couples stayed together for life and they went on vacation together every year- so that was the model- but that model doesn't really fit my life today- whether by choice or chance. Maybe it will someday. Maybe, I'll stick with something (work or relationship) but even if I have that intention- my job could fire me or I could get dumped for no reason. But, good friends will stick with you through all that. Show up for you in the bad times. I realize that my social skills of how to be a good friend are lacking. Probably, because I got in the habit of movin' on at an early age and not lookin' back. But, the coping skills of not being too sentimental, putting on the mask of not caring-that caused me to be a shell of a person. I glad to be sentimental today about people, even if they don't have to natural affection that I do and even if I have to keep it to myself-at times-it feels good to feel something. I know how to "stir it up," but how to maintain it for life now that's a challenge.
There's value in marriage-those who don't have that civil right- feel it in their soul- but most others don't seem to care for it. It really is the foundation of society, (not that people should be prohibited from getting divorced.) Besides marriage, a lot of people don't even believe in monogamy-then what? People are just dispensible, temporary. Maybe that's freedom-to some people. but usually someone ends up getting hurt. disrespected, or lied to.
So down the road, we will have to see- if I even get a retirement party- and if any friends show up. It's up to me to make life-long friends- and chose wisely the people I surround myself with.