Catching people up
Most of the people who read this journal also follow me on either Twitter or Facebook, so most of you have seen choppy, miserable mini-updates. The short form is that my mom, who on Sunday seemed to be feeling kind of lousy but otherwise okay, is dying pretty quickly of metastatic pancreatic cancer. Yesterday it felt pessimistic but realistic to say she won't see Christmas; tonight I think it's likely she won't make it to her 61st birthday on November 16th.
I probably don't need to say this, but this is pretty much the worst thing that's ever happened to me (she is the first close relative I've had die), and of course, it's worse still for her and my dad.
I keep thinking I'm cried out, and then proving myself wrong, but I am mostly holding it together pretty well.
For about 24 hours I have been mulling over whether I can realistically keep up decent school performance while also spending enough time with her before she dies, or if I should withdraw from classes and pick back up with winter quarter. It all depends on how you define "enough;" I talked to my doctor (who also lost his mother to a sudden-onset metastatic cancer) about it, and he encouraged me to withdraw. I was waiting to talk to my parents about it before I made a decision, especially my mom, who provided a lot of the motivation and resources that allowed me to go back to school -- I thought she might strongly discourage me from halting classes, but in fact she said she would like it if I did that, so now my plan is to go in to school tomorrow and talk to advisors and financial aid and figure out how to withdraw with incompletes on the courses I can realistically pick back up later. (Unfortunately, ASL is going to have to be a W grade instead, I think, because of the sequence of language classes.)
Plus, of course, Tuesday is my birthday. I don't have too much more to say about that. Well, maybe Shawn will share his birthday with me this year. Mine's sure not going to be much fun.
I probably don't need to say this, but this is pretty much the worst thing that's ever happened to me (she is the first close relative I've had die), and of course, it's worse still for her and my dad.
I keep thinking I'm cried out, and then proving myself wrong, but I am mostly holding it together pretty well.
For about 24 hours I have been mulling over whether I can realistically keep up decent school performance while also spending enough time with her before she dies, or if I should withdraw from classes and pick back up with winter quarter. It all depends on how you define "enough;" I talked to my doctor (who also lost his mother to a sudden-onset metastatic cancer) about it, and he encouraged me to withdraw. I was waiting to talk to my parents about it before I made a decision, especially my mom, who provided a lot of the motivation and resources that allowed me to go back to school -- I thought she might strongly discourage me from halting classes, but in fact she said she would like it if I did that, so now my plan is to go in to school tomorrow and talk to advisors and financial aid and figure out how to withdraw with incompletes on the courses I can realistically pick back up later. (Unfortunately, ASL is going to have to be a W grade instead, I think, because of the sequence of language classes.)
Plus, of course, Tuesday is my birthday. I don't have too much more to say about that. Well, maybe Shawn will share his birthday with me this year. Mine's sure not going to be much fun.