What is with all the waiting...
Recently i have realized that my life is about WAITING...i just got married. Before i was married i was WAITING to get married and before that i was WAITING to get engaged and even before that i was WAITING for God to bring me the right guy.
We are living in a basement apt. i began looking for houses, but we decided to WAIT on buying a house til we had a down payment. So now i am WAITING on the money so we can then start looking at houses. Then i will be WAITING to find a house.
i am WAITING to graduate Carson-Newman so i can start looking for a job. i was supposed to finish in May but it turns out that 2 of the classes i have to have to graduate weren't offered for the Spring so i had to WAIT til the summer to take them. So i am back to WAITING to graduate.
i have always had a job. Since i was old enough to want money and independence i have worked. in January, Matthew and i decided to quit my job. He is supporting us (which he does selflessly. i am going crazy. i have way too much free-time. i sit around the house, playing with the kitten, watching movies or the latest rerun of Law and Order, WAITING for Matthew to get home from work or WAITING for time to drift by so i can cook dinner, do the laundry, check my mail, etc...i tell myself that when i get a job things will be better. The WAITING for the money to buy a house will be shortened because of added income. So that WAITING will be cut short. i tell myself that i will feel more useful and less like a leech, but i know deep down, that it will never change. WAITING is a part of me.
i guess my fear is that if i am always WAITING for the next thing to happen, what happens to the time i have wasted WAITING? Do i ever really enjoy anything? Can i? Does the constant anxiety cancel out the joy or excitement that might come of whatever happens in the down time? Why do i even consider it down time? Why do i have to be doing something all the time? Why can't i just relax? Breathe?
i guess i will WAIT on an answer...
~W
We are living in a basement apt. i began looking for houses, but we decided to WAIT on buying a house til we had a down payment. So now i am WAITING on the money so we can then start looking at houses. Then i will be WAITING to find a house.
i am WAITING to graduate Carson-Newman so i can start looking for a job. i was supposed to finish in May but it turns out that 2 of the classes i have to have to graduate weren't offered for the Spring so i had to WAIT til the summer to take them. So i am back to WAITING to graduate.
i have always had a job. Since i was old enough to want money and independence i have worked. in January, Matthew and i decided to quit my job. He is supporting us (which he does selflessly. i am going crazy. i have way too much free-time. i sit around the house, playing with the kitten, watching movies or the latest rerun of Law and Order, WAITING for Matthew to get home from work or WAITING for time to drift by so i can cook dinner, do the laundry, check my mail, etc...i tell myself that when i get a job things will be better. The WAITING for the money to buy a house will be shortened because of added income. So that WAITING will be cut short. i tell myself that i will feel more useful and less like a leech, but i know deep down, that it will never change. WAITING is a part of me.
i guess my fear is that if i am always WAITING for the next thing to happen, what happens to the time i have wasted WAITING? Do i ever really enjoy anything? Can i? Does the constant anxiety cancel out the joy or excitement that might come of whatever happens in the down time? Why do i even consider it down time? Why do i have to be doing something all the time? Why can't i just relax? Breathe?
i guess i will WAIT on an answer...
~W